followingfate
Member
- Dec 26, 2020
- 39
it's been 6 years of having ctb thoughts and self harming. 6 years being on medication, going to therapy, really genuinely trying to get better, yet here I am!! no further than where I was at the start. what's the point anymore honestly?
I have an online s/o that is offering me a place to stay with them, which is nice because my home life isn't great. but there are so many things making it difficult to just get out and leave, I'm just giving up at this point. relationships never work out for me anyway, so no use in trying anymore. no use.
I've already bought the SN I need. I just need to set a date. I feel bad doing it now, as it was just Christmas and is about to be my birthday but I'm just. hurting so much. I'm really tired of hurting. I'm really tired of life throwing all these things at me with no break. nothing has gotten better, and I know it won't.
I'm tired of being alive just for other people. I don't want to hurt anymore. it's been 6 years of contemplating it, so I know I'm ready.
I have the SN, I am worried about the vomiting and such since I'm not able to get the antiemetics, but hopefully it'll still be effective.
and, as I predicted, it seems my s/o is not very happy with me. it seems they're giving up on me.
I'm just ready to go. I just want comfort. maybe I'll do it tonight, if I can finally gather the courage. that's the only thing in my way now. if not then, at least in the next week.
I'm sorry to all the people I'll hurt in the process, but you will all recover and move on. and that's all I wish, to be forgotten quickly. let us all have peace.
I have an online s/o that is offering me a place to stay with them, which is nice because my home life isn't great. but there are so many things making it difficult to just get out and leave, I'm just giving up at this point. relationships never work out for me anyway, so no use in trying anymore. no use.
I've already bought the SN I need. I just need to set a date. I feel bad doing it now, as it was just Christmas and is about to be my birthday but I'm just. hurting so much. I'm really tired of hurting. I'm really tired of life throwing all these things at me with no break. nothing has gotten better, and I know it won't.
I'm tired of being alive just for other people. I don't want to hurt anymore. it's been 6 years of contemplating it, so I know I'm ready.
I have the SN, I am worried about the vomiting and such since I'm not able to get the antiemetics, but hopefully it'll still be effective.
and, as I predicted, it seems my s/o is not very happy with me. it seems they're giving up on me.
I'm just ready to go. I just want comfort. maybe I'll do it tonight, if I can finally gather the courage. that's the only thing in my way now. if not then, at least in the next week.
I'm sorry to all the people I'll hurt in the process, but you will all recover and move on. and that's all I wish, to be forgotten quickly. let us all have peace.
