Venting Realizing no one will ever love you

[cowbain]

I haven't posted on here in months but the hopelessness is back on ten fold so here we are.

One of the hard things for me about continuing to live is the complete lack of love. Ideally I'll be able to be okay, I can make it out, I will be able to live the life I want, but being unlovable is so isolating.

The current advertising is tearing me apart. "We're in this toget-" No, no we aren't. I have no one. I am tired of seeing commercials of all the cute friends/families who although aren't together in person, still take the time to video call and spend time together or simply have dinner. No one would ever do that with me. I know I definitely shouldn't let something as superficial as American capitalism/media of all things make me feel worthless but it's just, it's the visual catalyst to all of my issues.

I've been my own version of quarantined for 3 years now and people didn't really reach out. No one values me enough to keep them in their life. I attracted the fuck ups. The narcissists, the pedophiles, the abusers, all of the toxicity and dysfunction you could imagine. Even they didn't want anything to do with me. So I know no healthy person would ever want me. Sure, a person may want to have sex with me and they may want me to elivate their loneliness but that isn't love. Maybe love isn't even real, maybe it's just like religion, another construct made up to keep the masses hopeful.

I know I sound whiny and like I'm the problem but I am a sensible human being. This all isn't said out of codependency but frustration. What's the point in living a life if you'll never experience love? Self love is vital yeah, but I can love myself while I'm in my grave. I'd argue that me killing myself would show I love myself even more because I took myself out of this hellhole instead of feeling an obligation to continue with something I never consented to.

 

[Final Escape]

Same here not only am I too dysfunctional but I have herpes and I'm no longer attractive. At least when I was a young dysfunctional, people overlook it some lol! Now I'm old dysfunctional with herpes, and impoverished. Add in you have no friends, family, or even a pet. No income at all. I have to bail out soon. I have a few hundred left and that's for what ever I need to do for my last days. Get a room etc.

 

[cowbain]

Same here not only am I too dysfunctional but I have herpes and I'm no longer attractive. At least when I was a young dysfunctional, people overlook it some lol! Now I'm old dysfunctional with herpes, and impoverished. Add in you have no friends, family, or even a pet. No income at all. I have to bail out soon. I have a few hundred left and that's for what ever I need to do for my last days. Get a room etc.

I hope that you can find peace. Im only 18 and I shouldn't be complaining about being objectified by guys. I have sexual childhood trauma so it makes it weird. I feel guys only view me as a piece of meat. I need more than that. I want someone to see me and also be sexually attracted.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

I feel you. Love and connection is the only thing that can make life somewhat tolerable, but not all of us are lucky enough to experience it. Existence is so empty and painful when no one cares for you.

Personally, I'd be okay with no romantic partner if I had meaningful friendships, but I'm too fucked up for even that.

 

[mr nobody]

I hope that you can find peace. Im only 18 and I shouldn't be complaining about being objectified by guys. I have sexual childhood trauma so it makes it weird. I feel guys only view me as a piece of meat. I need more than that. I want someone to see me and also be sexually attracted.

That's the great benefit of being a human. We are social animals. We crave companionship. In today's day and age, it's become harder to find a meaningful relationship unfortunately. You're still young though, there will be plenty of opportunities. I know what you mean though. I've always wanted to be loved as well and I always end up heartbroken in the end.

 

[Final Escape]

I hope that you can find peace. Im only 18 and I shouldn't be complaining about being objectified by guys. I have sexual childhood trauma so it makes it weird. I feel guys only view me as a piece of meat. I need more than that. I want someone to see me and also be sexually attracted.

I had the same problem when I was your age. I was sexually abused at age 10 and I became very promiscuous starting by age 16. I began to think guys only wanted sex and didn't really care about a relationship. But I was also hooking up with guys who were too young like myself. I should have been trying to meet much older guys who were ready to be in a relationship or commitment and wanted kids. Instead I was hooking up with the wrong guys ending up having to abort to avoid single motherhood. It was a disaster lol! I was attractive to pathologicals as well and I probably was attracted to them too because I didn't know any better.

 

[deadpixels]

I haven't posted on here in months but the hopelessness is back on ten fold so here we are.

One of the hard things for me about continuing to live is the complete lack of love. Ideally I'll be able to be okay, I can make it out, I will be able to live the life I want, but being unlovable is so isolating.

The current advertising is tearing me apart. "We're in this toget-" No, no we aren't. I have no one. I am tired of seeing commercials of all the cute friends/families who although aren't together in person, still take the time to video call and spend time together or simply have dinner. No one would ever do that with me. I know I definitely shouldn't let something as superficial as American capitalism/media of all things make me feel worthless but it's just, it's the visual catalyst to all of my issues.

I've been my own version of quarantined for 3 years now and people didn't really reach out. No one values me enough to keep them in their life. I attracted the fuck ups. The narcissists, the pedophiles, the abusers, all of the toxicity and dysfunction you could imagine. Even they didn't want anything to do with me. So I know no healthy person would ever want me. Sure, a person may want to have sex with me and they may want me to elivate their loneliness but that isn't love. Maybe love isn't even real, maybe it's just like religion, another construct made up to keep the masses hopeful.

I know I sound whiny and like I'm the problem but I am a sensible human being. This all isn't said out of codependency but frustration. What's the point in living a life if you'll never experience love? Self love is vital yeah, but I can love myself while I'm in my grave. I'd argue that me killing myself would show I love myself even more because I took myself out of this hellhole instead of feeling an obligation to continue with something I never consented to.

I find it interesting that you mention that living a life without love is pointless. I never experienced love and, from all the things that make me feel bad about my life, this is the only thing that I don't care, and I see a lot of people complaining about love, I feel like an alien sometimes.
It's interesting how we all have many different afflictions and yet, we're all here, seeking the same thing.

I wish you find love in your life

 

[cowbain]

I feel you. Love and connection is the only thing that can make life somewhat tolerable, but not all of us are lucky enough to experience it. Existence is so empty and painful when no one cares for you.

Personally, I'd be okay with no romantic partner if I had meaningful friendships, but I'm too fucked up for even that.

Same.. I got my pet when I was 12 and it did help me feel better for awhile, but telling someone who's mentally ill (not just sad, or going through difficult times) to get a pet is potentially dangerous advice. My mental disorders only got worse and I can barely take care of myself now let alone a pet. And now I just feel like an asshole and like he deserves a better caregiver. One who has the motivation to be happy and play with him instead of laying down miserable all the time.

I had the same problem when I was your age. I was sexually abused at age 10 and I became very promiscuous starting by age 16. I began to think guys only wanted sex and didn't really care about a relationship. But I was also hooking up with guys who were too young like myself. I should have been trying to meet much older guys who were ready to be in a relationship or commitment and wanted kids. Instead I was hooking up with the wrong guys ending up having to abort to avoid single motherhood. It was a disaster lol! I was attractive to pathologicals as well and I probably was attracted to them too because I didn't know any better.

Sorry to hear what you've been through. Ty for sharing that because it's not an easy thing to mention. I've struggled with hyper sexuality all of my life too and I've been trying to limit that for the past two years. It's fucked how the abuse makes you feel like that's all their is to you, how no one would give you their attention unless you acted that way. The human mind is too fragile.
And weirdly in my experience the young guys, although still idiots, are at least a lot nicer. The old men I encountered are ruthless and have no remorse with making you feel so small.

I find it interesting that you mention that living a life without love is pointless. I never experienced love and, from all the things that make me feel bad about my life, this is the only thing that I don't care, and I see a lot of people complaining about love, I feel like an alien sometimes.
It's interesting how we all have many different afflictions and yet, we're all here, seeking the same thing.

I wish you find love in your life

You're not an alien, we all want different things in life. I understand the feeling of feeling abnormal tho. There's many things people my age care about that I have no interest in. I think me wanting love stems from my childhood in a way. Being around monsters your entire life makes you desire light (sometimes it has the opposite effect tho). Thank you for the wish, I hope you find what you're wanting too :-)

 

[Final Escape]

My advice to you if u want a decent guy. Try to find a guy that is about 10 yrs older than u or at least has his shit together and is able to provide in the event u get pregnant. A woman's highest market value is up to age 24 and then declines. Whereas men become more established as they get older. It's easier to meet a decent guy at the age u are now. But u really have to look at guys for the long term and do not have sex unless it's been like 3 months u have known them. Because by that time u can figure out if the guy is a pathological or not. To avoid sex too soon, do not go to their place, try to avoid being alone with them. It makes it much more tempting and it's easier to get pressured into sex. You want to meet guys at church, not through tinder, but a better site where it seems guys are really looking for something for the long haul. This is tough task but if u can find a decent guy it will help u a lot. Don't focus on career when you're in your most eligible years because u don't get your youth and fertility back. But u can always get a career later. Women live a long time often much longer than men and that's why kids are more important for us especially once our beauty fades and u do not want to be the lonely old spinster trust me.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Yup. This is me.
Just recently had it hammered home, too.
I gave up on love 15 years ago. Gave up on women entirely 10 years ago.
Then I stupidly fell in love. Didn't last long. Gave a girl my heart and she threw it in the dirt, ground it under her heel and spit on it.
Not sure what to do now. Keep looking, or just give up again?
No one's ever loved me before, what the hell makes me think anyone ever will?

 

[Final Escape]

The right guy will wait to have sex with u, and he will tolerate your issues lol!

 

[chrijo]

I feel guys only view me as a piece of meat. I need more than that.

Oh my goodness, what does an 18-year-old girl have to go through to think that way about herself?

 

[Final Escape]

Oh my goodness, what does an 18-year-old girl have to go through to think that way about herself?

It's not uncommon and this was happening to me in the mid 90's. Men and boys had become trained to expect sex without commitment or marriage because of things like the welfare state. Women being encouraged into careers. Abortion being legalized now puts pressure on women to abort because the guy might not want to help out. All the porn young guys watch now too makes them see girls as sex objects. I'm not blaming men for all this. But it has changed dating and relationships between men and women.

 

[Velvet Elektra]

Ditto! Most people just don't understand where we're coming from. They just don't get it and they never will. I used to try and reach out for help from friends and family but they're so fake about it. They pretend to care by including you in things and trying to make small talk. But it's straight up bullshit.

 

[cowbain]

My advice to you if u want a decent guy. Try to find a guy that is about 10 yrs older than u or at least has his shit together and is able to provide in the event u get pregnant. A woman's highest market value is up to age 24 and then declines. Whereas men become more established as they get older. It's easier to meet a decent guy at the age u are now. But u really have to look at guys for the long term and do not have sex unless it's been like 3 months u have known them. Because by that time u can figure out if the guy is a pathological or not. To avoid sex too soon, do not go to their place, try to avoid being alone with them. It makes it much more tempting and it's easier to get pressured into sex. You want to meet guys at church, not through tinder, but a better site where it seems guys are really looking for something for the long haul. This is tough task but if u can find a decent guy it will help u a lot. Don't focus on career when you're in your most eligible years because u don't get your youth and fertility back. But u can always get a career later. Women live a long time often much longer than men and that's why kids are more important for us especially once our beauty fades and u do not want to be the lonely old spinster trust me.

Haha funny we're having this talk, I prefer older guys! Kinda sucks tho because they mainly fetishize me instead of just seeing me as an actual human being. You're spot on about tinder. I made one when I was 15 (stupid ik) and yikes I was just bombarded with guys who wanted to hook up. One guy was kinda chill but weird because he said he wanted to sniff my armpits. And I don't really want biological kids, if I live long enough I've wanted to adopt teenagers when I'm in my 40's. Thank you for your advice, it helped. And honestly who says it's all the way over for you? Im sure there's older men who prefer someone your age. You seem lovely and you're very sweet as well so that's a bonus :-)

 

[mr nobody]

Haha funny we're having this talk, I prefer older guys! Kinda sucks tho because they mainly fetishize me instead of just seeing me as an actual human being. You're spot on about tinder. I made one when I was 15 (stupid ik) and yikes I was just bombarded with guys who wanted to hook up. One guy was kinda chill but weird because he said he wanted to sniff my armpits. And I don't really want biological kids, if I live long enough I've wanted to adopt teenagers when I'm in my 40's. Thank you for your advice, it helped. And honestly who says it's all the way over for you? Im sure there's older men who prefer someone your age. You seem lovely and you're very sweet as well so that's a bonus :-)

Haha, I've always dated women who were no more than 2 years younger than me, but now that I'm 30, I would consider someone even younger if I wanted to have kids, since women my age would be in a rush.

 

[cowbain]

Yup. This is me.
Just recently had it hammered home, too.
I gave up on love 15 years ago. Gave up on women entirely 10 years ago.
Then I stupidly fell in love. Didn't last long. Gave a girl my heart and she threw it in the dirt, ground it under her heel and spit on it.
Not sure what to do now. Keep looking, or just give up again?
No one's ever loved me before, what the hell makes me think anyone ever will?

I may not have as long of an experience of being alone romantically as you but I can resonate with that feeling. I think it's important to learn from failed relationships, don't give up, but don't give in as early the next time. In the meantime it's okay to cry and have your moments where you feel unlovable. I hope that made sense

Haha, I've always dated women who were no more than 2 years younger than me, but now that I'm 30, I would consider someone even younger if I wanted to have kids, since women my age would be in a rush.

I liked a guy who was 31 when I was 15 and he was awful. I don't think he actually wanted kids either. In retrospect 30 is still really young.

Oh my goodness, what does an 18-year-old girl have to go through to think that way about herself?

Well I was sexualized at a young age by two men in my family. During school guys would always make negative comments about my appearance. Make comments about my body and my boobs. Tween/ Teen guys are just extremely immature and always talk about sex. It didn't help that after I stopped going to school I fell for older guys that would just treat me like shit. I've seen men being abusive my whole life. Men can be very cruel. I'm attracted to women as well but for some reason I prioritize romantic relationships with men. I need more therapy.

 

[Marktheghost]

I need someone to love. Please pm me.

 

[chrijo]

Well I was sexualized at a young age by two men in my family. During school guys would always make negative comments about my appearance. Make comments about my body and my boobs. Tween/ Teen guys are just extremely immature and always talk about sex. It didn't help that after I stopped going to school I fell for older guys that would just treat me like shit. I've seen men being abusive my whole life. Men can be very cruel. I'm attracted to women as well but for some reason I prioritize romantic relationships with men. I need more therapy.

There's not much I can say, but...

...on the other side of the world there is now a guy who is keeping his fingers crossed with you that these disgusting guys get a deserved stroke or something similar. May these two damn bastards have to stare at the ceiling for the rest of their miserable lives. A slow and gruesome death that lasts for decades and only you can decide when to pull the plug..

Fingers crossed for everyone here who had to experience something like this. Mother Nature is sometimes fair.

 

[Whatsthepointanyway]

No one is too fucked up to be loved.

Open up your heart and people will listen.

Hold off on the sex for a while until you know they're interested in you, not just your body. A lot of guys are assholes

 

[woxihuanni]

Self-love is necessary but not enough for humans to subsist on, we need to bond. There is no shame in that need. It takes more courage than most people have to even accept that need.

 

[GoBack]

Self-love is nece
ssary but not enough for humans to subsist on, we need to bond. There is no shame in that need. It takes more courage than most people have to even accept that need.

This happened to me I couldn't accept my own need to be loved. So when someone did love me I shut them out. I could love them but not let them love me, so thats that

My advice to you if u want a decent guy. Try to find a guy that is about 10 yrs older than u or at least has his shit together and is able to provide in the event u get pregnant. A woman's highest market value is up to age 24 and then declines. Whereas men become more established as they get older. It's easier to meet a decent guy at the age u are now. But u really have to look at guys for the long term and do not have sex unless it's been like 3 months u have known them. Because by that time u can figure out if the guy is a pathological or not. To avoid sex too soon, do not go to their place, try to avoid being alone with them. It makes it much more tempting and it's easier to get pressured into sex. You want to meet guys at church, not through tinder, but a better site where it seems guys are really looking for something for the long haul. This is tough task but if u can find a decent guy it will help u a lot. Don't focus on career when you're in your most eligible years because u don't get your youth and fertility back. But u can always get a career later. Women live a long time often much longer than men and that's why kids are more important for us especially once our beauty fades and u do not want to be the lonely old spinster trust me.

A woman's "market value" Am I fucking seeing things?

Actually fuck it you're kinda right. This system of career first then kids is a gamble that we can't all win. Our bodies aren't made of titanium

 

[Final Escape]

This happened to me I couldn't accept my own need to be loved. So when someone did love me I shut them out. I could love them but not let them love me, so thats that


A woman's "market value" Am I fucking seeing things?

Actually fuck it you're kinda right. This system of career first then kids is a gamble that we can't all win. Our bodies aren't made of titanium

I know two friends who had kids before age 25 and if they didn't have them young they never would have been able to later. That's how short their window was to have kids.

 

[GoBack]

I know two friends who had kids before age 25 and if they didn't have them young they never would have been able to later. That's how short their window was to have kids.

Yeah I edited it sorry. Kneejerk to market value. I do think it's better to have kids young, more energy, and odds are you'll be around for them for longer. So many women have kids in they're 40s now, who's to say they'll even live to see them reach their 20s.

I wanted kids in my teens, but that was the 90s when it was all about career. Now I have neither

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I used to think I was okay with being alone but really I'm not. That was just a protective defence. It pains me to see everyone connecting during the pandemic whilst I have no one to connect to. My sister hasn't called me in a month. My brother lives close by but he's emotionally detached. That's it. Any friends I had are long gone and even if I tried to reconnect, we just don't speak the same language. I feel like I'm a different species now.

I haven't posted on here in months but the hopelessness is back on ten fold so here we are.

One of the hard things for me about continuing to live is the complete lack of love. Ideally I'll be able to be okay, I can make it out, I will be able to live the life I want, but being unlovable is so isolating.

The current advertising is tearing me apart. "We're in this toget-" No, no we aren't. I have no one. I am tired of seeing commercials of all the cute friends/families who although aren't together in person, still take the time to video call and spend time together or simply have dinner. No one would ever do that with me. I know I definitely shouldn't let something as superficial as American capitalism/media of all things make me feel worthless but it's just, it's the visual catalyst to all of my issues.

I've been my own version of quarantined for 3 years now and people didn't really reach out. No one values me enough to keep them in their life. I attracted the fuck ups. The narcissists, the pedophiles, the abusers, all of the toxicity and dysfunction you could imagine. Even they didn't want anything to do with me. So I know no healthy person would ever want me. Sure, a person may want to have sex with me and they may want me to elivate their loneliness but that isn't love. Maybe love isn't even real, maybe it's just like religion, another construct made up to keep the masses hopeful.

I know I sound whiny and like I'm the problem but I am a sensible human being. This all isn't said out of codependency but frustration. What's the point in living a life if you'll never experience love? Self love is vital yeah, but I can love myself while I'm in my grave. I'd argue that me killing myself would show I love myself even more because I took myself out of this hellhole instead of feeling an obligation to continue with something I never consented to.

I'm sorry you feel so frustrated, I too share that frustration.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

What's the point in living a life if you'll never experience love? Self love is vital yeah, but I can love myself while I'm in my grave. I'd argue that me killing myself would show I love myself even more because I took myself out of this hellhole instead of feeling an obligation to continue with something I never consented to.

No truer words have ever been spoken.

 

[Nyxx33]

I have come to the realization that I have run away from nice guys. I've complained the last three years men just want me for my body, but looking back I had a couple of guys that were genuinely nice and interested in me that I ran from or didn't realize they were into me. I have had a fear of commitment and not known it til now. I think it's from feeling unworthy and I think in a sick way getting involved with a guy you know won't love you feels secure because you know what to expect. Pain, manipulations- of course!!! Almost gives a sense of control.

A nice guy.. it's like wait, when is this going to go bad?? You have to be able to let go to really let yourself be loved and just trust that even if you think you aren't worthy, someone could still feel love towards you even if you don't understand why.

I notice myself focusing on romantic love too.
I have had friends and family that love me. And in a sense that feels more genuine. They have often known you longer and do want what's in your best interest at least.

 

[Ky204]

The loneliness that comes with it is the true killer for me. I was told that I couldn't be loved because I hated myself, so why would I expect someone else to love what I loathed?
I think that's bullshit to an extent but I never expected it out of anyone anyway. Love has only made my life miserable, cause anyone I loved isn't around anymore. It can be both the best and worst thing that ever happens to you.