Realising i ruined my life forever

[FireFox]

i have ruined my life forever. I wish i didnt feel this way but it is impossible to feel postive or optimistic. I am frequently sucidal and self harming ( head banging? Biting , scrathing and sometimes i want to burn my arm ) . My anxiety is sky high. I dont want to eat anything at all

I am running out of time to fix my life together with a career, a partner and place of my own etc. I am 23 but dont feel young at all

I used to think sucide was selfish i believe this now karma for all things i used to say about sucide.

I am never going to have a job. I was offered a job years ago which was part time in a church but i turned it down due to fear of messing up . I did a placement at uni which went really badly this caused me to have a fear of messing up and being needy.

I never going to have a job offer in my life i blew it. I major insecurities over never working . I am jealous of people who work they have something to wake up for whereas i dont. I already get rejected for supermarket and minimum wage jobs.
Employers want experience for everything and have long list of requirements. The job descrption makes me feel like i am not good enough. I done voluntary work no one seems interested.

I was always jealous of girl i went to school with because she still with the man i always wanted. Maybe i am punished for everyting.
Everything in my life is a mess.
I am going to catch the bus

I have lost all control ctb means freezing time altogether
I dont know anything anymore

Being unemployed is absolutely soul destroying. Being single absolutely isolating.
I feel like i dont belong and have no purpose
I cant ever see anything changing
Who gets their first job at 23?
Its everthing

 

[NekoNomNom]

I honestly wish we could just hang out and talk. Go eat some good food, drink some good wine. Text can only go so far. I would love to give you some insight, whether or not it would make a difference.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts that you can find peace in some way, shape, or form, no matter what you decide to do. I know it isn't much, but it's what I can do for you at this time. Please keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I truly hope it helps, even if just a little bit.

 

[ardacalvin]

I think these statics can make you a little bit calmer https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopula.../milestonesjourneyingintoadulthood/2019-02-18
At your age, %50 of the UK live like you. Maybe Covid is gonna make hard for you to find a job in this year but it's the same for everyone in labor market around the world. In Germany average college graduate's age is 24 years old, many of whom don't work before finishing their studies.

 

[deadpixels]

I honestly wish we could just hang out and talk. Go eat some good food, drink some good wine. Text can only go so far. I would love to give you some insight, whether or not it would make a difference.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts that you can find peace in some way, shape, or form, no matter what you decide to do. I know it isn't much, but it's what I can do for you at this time. Please keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I truly hope it helps, even if just a little bit.

Sometimes I wish we could all talk around a campfire. We would have so many deep and insightful talks, it would be a delightful experience. In the end, we would even have the option to bring the charcoal inside the tents.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Sometimes I wish we could all talk around a campfire. We would have so many deep and insightful talks, it would be a delightful experience. In the end, we would even have the option to bring the charcoal inside the tents.

I love everything about this. I seriously wish we all could do this. It sounds like such a good time

 

[FireFox]

I think these statics can make you a little bit calmer https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopula.../milestonesjourneyingintoadulthood/2019-02-18
At your age, %50 of the UK live like you. Maybe Covid is gonna make hard for you to find a job in this year but it's the same for everyone in labor market around the world. In Germany average college graduate's age is 24 years old, many of whom don't work before finishing their studies.

Thank you so much
I read a lot on online forums and newspaper articles comments about young people never having a job
"My children have been working since university"
"I will never hire anyone that has never worked"
"How can you be 22 and never worked"

I have lot of insecurity issues from never having a job.
I am jealous of people who been working since they were 16 because they can cope with life better than me as they working matures you and stuff.

If i meet more people who got thier first job at 23 or above i would not feel this way

 

[NekoNomNom]

I haven't been in a "funny" or comedic mood in such a long time, but I just came across this.

 

[FireFox]

I honestly wish we could just hang out and talk. Go eat some good food, drink some good wine. Text can only go so far. I would love to give you some insight, whether or not it would make a difference.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts that you can find peace in some way, shape, or form, no matter what you decide to do. I know it isn't much, but it's what I can do for you at this time. Please keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I truly hope it helps, even if just a little bit.

@NekoNomNom you are a wonderful person and thank you.
Since my birthday this is lowest i have ever felt in my life.
I am 23 oh my god
When i was secondary schoo I always thought at 23 i will be working , having a man of my own who really me , i will be living in a different neighbourhood in different city.
None of this has happend .
I dont want to live anymore.
I dont feel young at all
I am single, unemployed and unhappy.

 

[NekoNomNom]

@NekoNomNom you are a wonderful person and thank you.
Since my birthday this is lowest i have ever felt in my life.
I am 23 oh my god
When i was secondary schoo I always thought at 23 i will be working , having a man of my own who really me , i will be living in a different neighbourhood in different city.
None of this has happend .
I dont want to live anymore.
I dont feel young at all
I am single, unemployed and unhappy.

I appreciate that. But, I don't feel like a wonderful person.

Let me tell you, though, I felt the exact same way when I was 18. I was a single mother with a two year old. Everyone I knew was getting accepted into colleges and universities, while I was a stay at home mom, also unemployed, living at home with an abusive parent. No car. No money. It took a while, but I slowly started getting everything together.

At 19, I started college. Not too much later, I eventually got a weekend job; then I moved on to a part time job, which allowed me to buy my first car at the age of 20. It was a shitty 2000 Toyota Camry that I named Goldar from the Power Rangers. But I loved that car.

I was juggling so many things at once: a child, school, a job, a relationship that I didn't even realize was doomed from the start and failing badly that I literally wasted years of my life on. I tried so hard to live up to a standard that *other* people had expected me to fulfill, while forgetting about *MY* happiness, and what I wanted for myself. Granted, I've been that way my entire life. I've always put other people before myself, but looking back, I regret that.

Now I'm 27. Live with my grandparents. I got my degree in Paralegal Studies, which took me way too long to get, that I don't even utilize. I work at a supermarket now. Although I love this job way more than being in a law office. I upgraded Goldar to a 2016 Toyota Camry that I named Garrus from Mass Effect, so I'm in debt for that. I allowed that failed relationship to prevent me from moving on with my most recent relationship. So that's gone now.

I'm cursed by constantly wishing to go back to the past and wanting to change everything. I hold myself back from moving forward and enjoying what I've worked for, and now I feel that it's too late for me.

I can tell you to work hard; to not give up and to fight for the things that you want. But things are not so black and white. It will always depend on how you feel, how you view things, and ultimately what you choose to do.