Venting Ready to go

[GiveUp]

I wake up every day feeling disappointed I've woken up. I dont want to exist. Living is such a painful but dull activity. I'm ready to go. Lockdown meant I had to postpone ctb. But it'll be soon, in May. It's the only thing I look forward to. I'm so fed up of waking up feeling disappointed, going through the motions of the day pretending I'm fine because I feel ashamed I'm depressed for first world reasons, and finishing the day lying in bed crying until I fall asleep. I've repeated the same pattern every day for a year. I have no future in this life. I look forward to leaving. I hate waking up every day and hating that I'm still me. Living is an activity I just cant seem to get right.
Lol no one gives two shits.
Unless you have a sob story no one cares. I hate telling everyone my personal stuff. That's why no one cares.
No one listens if I try so I stopped.

 

[Iloveyouall]

I feel you, people hear but don't listen. I don't like telling personal stuff about myself either. I guess the only help you can receive from doing so is maybe people can give you another perspective, an outside one or just venting or ranting can feel good sometimes. How would it help if anyone cared anyway ? Unfortunately it's not like they can fix how you feel or the world in the end. There is also that most people just don't know how to help or how to react to suffering as some are already trapped in their own. What do you need ?
There is no shame in feeling depressed, no matter the reasons, it's just something we experience, that strikes us from nowhere most of the time, it can happen to anyone for very various reasons. I'm really sorry that you experienced such a painful year, I can't do much but feeling compassionate, I wish I could do more.

 

[Evermore]

I feel like i could have wrote the exact same thing .. Every morning I wake up with this heavy feeling in my chest , complete dread of the day ahead . Like you said I'm disappointed I'm still here and hating that I'm still me . Its like groundhog day, the cycle just repeats . I've tried talking to people about it but they just cut me off mid sentence and tell me I need to get out of the house more or be more positive ..." the mind is a powerful thing " don't I know it. Sometimes I just shut myself off from everyone , you need to take a break from pretending you're ok every now and then. If you're putting on a happy mask everyday you must be feeling pretty exhausted.