Ready to die, fearing extreme retribution if I fail.

[unfixable]

I am seriously chronically ill, my body is failing. I know I need to hang myself very soon to avoid pure torture my body has in store for me. I live with parents and I have a vast amount of comforting material possessions that help me manage my illnesses. I know if I fail to hang myself, I won't be able to hide the marks on my neck, I know that there will be severe consequences and retribution from those in my life, my parents, my doctors to punish the shit out of me. Failing and losing all of those possessions, meds among other things as well as my means to hang myself again and ending in a psych ward will subject me to just untold horrors as every illness I have would be out control. The fear I have is indescribable. I am terrified as I would imagine most would be in this situation.

 

[Vesiira]

I'm so sorry to hear about your chronic illness. I have one too, but not as serious as my whole body failing. That sounds so tiring. It is definitely horrifying to think about the potential consequences you will have to deal with if your method doesn't work. Makes you think why even bother, but we have to try in order for it to possibly work. We never want it to fail, of course, but it happens unfortunately. I definitely would be as terrified as you are. I wish you peace, whatever you choose to do. <3

 

[GenericUsername37]

I am seriously chronically ill, my body is failing. I know I need to hang myself very soon to avoid pure torture my body has in store for me. I live with parents and I have a vast amount of comforting material possessions that help me manage my illnesses. I know if I fail to hang myself, I won't be able to hide the marks on my neck, I know that there will be severe consequences and retribution from those in my life, my parents, my doctors to punish the shit out of me. Failing and losing all of those possessions, meds among other things as well as my means to hang myself again and ending in a psych ward will subject me to just untold horrors as every illness I have would be out control. The fear I have is indescribable. I am terrified as I would imagine most would be in this situation.

I am in a similar situation, though my genetic conditions/illnesses are of a different nature. I too am so scared, I don't know how to get past that fear of failure, I would have definitely done it already if I knew that I would 100% die. The rest of my life will not be good and will be suffering but if this is a failure it could make it worse. I just want peace, I just want to never exist. I want you to get peace too. I hope you find courage and I hope most importantly things don't get worse for you, I really hope you get what you want

 

[Dliena]

I'm sorry that you suffered so much in this life OP and I can only wish you permanent eternal peace from any future agony.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be such a horrible situation, I find it extreme cruelty how people even have to fear trying to die going wrong in the first place and cannot just have the option to cease existing in a guaranteed, peaceful way, trying to die going wrong is what terrifies me as well. But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[findmybridgesocal]

I am seriously chronically ill, my body is failing. I know I need to hang myself very soon to avoid pure torture my body has in store for me. I live with parents and I have a vast amount of comforting material possessions that help me manage my illnesses. I know if I fail to hang myself, I won't be able to hide the marks on my neck, I know that there will be severe consequences and retribution from those in my life, my parents, my doctors to punish the shit out of me. Failing and losing all of those possessions, meds among other things as well as my means to hang myself again and ending in a psych ward will subject me to just untold horrors as every illness I have would be out control. The fear I have is indescribable. I am terrified as I would imagine most would be in this situation.

I'm in the exact same boat. Fully disabled and in awful pain, but not sick enough to die quickly. The disability blocks an effective ctb attempt. It's like a waking nightmare every day.

 

[SVEN]

Aww shit, what a bummer. Just so sorry.

 

[Worndown]

When you really need to go, the trick is not failing.
Get a plan and work rhe plan.
Ask questions if needed to make your plan as successful as possible. Remove as many variables as possible.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I am in a similar situation, though my genetic conditions/illnesses are of a different nature. I too am so scared, I don't know how to get past that fear of failure, I would have definitely done it already if I knew that I would 100% die. The rest of my life will not be good and will be suffering but if this is a failure it could make it worse. I just want peace, I just want to never exist. I want you to get peace too. I hope you find courage and I hope most importantly things don't get worse for you, I really hope you get what you want

Relate to what u and op say . What's stopping me is fear of failure and being left in an even worse situation and or condition. This world is evil for taking away our right to escape extreme suffering : they made nembutal and assisted suicide , suicide kits etc crimes