Reaching out

[Ahcute]

I just received notice that my SN shipped, and initially I was extremely excited, but then I started thinking about all the things I want in life that I haven't achieved. I really want a family, and my own home, and a really happy career...I'm worried though that even when I have those things, maybe I'll become suicidal again! Suicidal intent really is a wave for me, there's no guarantee that it will END. Today is one of my better days, but I don't want it to be. I want to die. I'm not sure what to make of these emotions.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I guess you can always just wait it out and see how you feel. 1 day 1 week 1 month at a time, then see how do you feel after that. If you think you can endure give yourself more time. Untill the point you cant anymore. We can always ctb later on and we will die eventualy, its natural. I hope it helps a little bit. Good luck

 

[Nolye]

I agree with @AnxietyAttack44. At this point, I live one day at the time, too. You're going to have bad days, then very bad days, then good days, then neutral days and so on. And hey, if in the future those things don't make you happy, you can always ctb, nothing is stopping you, but for now maybe you could hang in there, see how it goes.

 

[maru.]

I just received notice that my SN shipped, and initially I was extremely excited, but then I started thinking about all the things I want in life that I haven't achieved. I really want a family, and my own home, and a really happy career...I'm worried though that even when I have those things, maybe I'll become suicidal again! Suicidal intent really is a wave for me, there's no guarantee that it will END. Today is one of my better days, but I don't want it to be. I want to die. I'm not sure what to make of these emotions.

I think you're in a promising situation considering that there are still things you "want".
When you stop wanting things, when you stop having dreams, that's when ctb becomes the most attractive and hard to avoid.
Considering that soon you'll have your SN, that means that you'll be able to quit whenever you want, peacefully.
That means there's nothing to lose!
So go after the things you want, meet people, find someone you love, start a family, work towards a career you'd like to have, make money to buy a home!
Is it easier said than done? Yes, however, if everything goes wrong, if you can't achieve does thing no matter what, you still have the safety of being able to ctb.
So there's no reason to not give it everything you got towards achieving your dreams, go for it!
And if on your journey you ever stumble, we're here to help.
I hope you can find happiness.

 

[coldeyes]

If you do, you're damned, if you don't, you're still damned. But many people always regret not having done it when they were really prepared. I'm in no way encouraging you or cheering you on, only stating a fact

 

[Sensei]

But many people always regret not having done it when they were really prepared.

And many don't. Your post borders on encouraging suicide. This community is pro-choice, not pro-suicide.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

If you're not sure, wait for one day, urging is the best way to fail.

 

[coldeyes]

And many don't. Your post borders on encouraging suicide. This community is pro-choice, not pro-suicide.

One needs to consider all hard facts before making an informed choice. Of course it would be best to give life a shot if below 40. They may end up liking it. Having a career, big cars, big houses, kids, vacations, etc may surprise you it's great. If when you get them, and still want to ctb, the earlier the better

 

[Sensei]

One needs to consider all hard facts before making an informed choice. Of course it would be best to give life a shot if below 40. They may end up liking it. Having a career, big cars, big houses, kids, vacations, etc may surprise you it's great. If when you get them, and still want to ctb, the earlier the better

Hm. You're either trolling or masquerading, possibly both. To be honest, I really don't give a shit which it is.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Hm. You're either trolling or masquerading, possibly both. To be honest, I really don't give a shit which it is.

Why? It seems you give him a lot of shit for talking the truth. Also if you´re suicidal but still have kids for the chance and hope to become happy and it fails and you end up ctb anyways while have put people in the world who would no doubtably suffer from the hardships of life maybe even become suicidal or develope horrible deceases like myself.

Anitnatalism is the answer if you life is made it´s 100% gaurentee that nobody will suffer by having kids there is a chance they will suffer so objectively it´s better to not have kids because they will never suffer also won´t contribute to the the suffering of the Earth and the animals inhabiting it.

 

[Sensei]

Why? It seems you give him a lot of shit for talking the truth.

I think he puts forward sound arguments and I don't necessarily disagree with them. What I dislike is that his reply also contains a not-so-subtle attack on me.

Also if you´re suicidal but still have kids for the chance and hope to become happy and it fails and you end up ctb anyways while have put people in the world who would no doubtably suffer from the hardships of life maybe even become suicidal or develope horrible deceases like myself.

I concur. Children are the big exception, though. Except for that, it may alwas be worth giving life one more shot, because the option to die by one's own hand won't disappear. Everyone knows themselves what's best to do, but to tell people that they may just as well kill themselves now is not exactly constructive.

Anitnatalism is the answer if you life is made it´s 100% gaurentee that nobody will suffer by having kids there is a chance they will suffer so objectively it´s better to not have kids because they will never suffer also won´t contribute to the the suffering of the Earth and the animals inhabiting it.

You know, I'd never heard of antinatalism before I came here and I thought it sounded ridiculous. The more I've heard the arguments, the more reasonable I find them, though. I'm not an antinatalist (yet), but I sure think the standpoint has merit. I'm quite certain I'll never become an efilist, though, simply because it feels a little bit pointless. We're just matter turned into thought and emotion for an astronomical nanosecond without any purpose or legacy. Nothing more, nothing less. The universe will soon turn silent again and be devoid of life for trillions of years, so the problem will solve itself.

To quote a former forum member (and as I like to see it, friend) who suffered combat PTSD (and actually recovered): Same team. Be easy.

 

[Despondent]

If you have aspirations, I say go for it ❤ It's good to want to see things and it sounds to me like if there are things that you want to see, you should avoid ctbing if you're caught between the two at least just for now. Ctb is a door that's always going to be there. Try and see these experiences if your heart as so desires.