Reached my final straw. Will try to end it this month

[sanction]

After being on this site for 6 years now, since 2019

Have been through a crazy mental journey, like most people on here. Lots of ups and downs (mostly downs)

By this point, I've finally reached my final straw

Very tired from always struggling financially, worrying about the future, constantly stuck in survival mode. I truly tried my very best to see if can get some support and assistance from family, but unfortunately, they just can't seem to understand the situation. Probably even misunderstand my CTB plans aren't real, maybe thinking I'm just trying to fake it for attention. Obviously, that is not the case

Anyways, I'm going to try to end it within this month of April, before May

Sucks to have to go through this. Anyone else also looking to end it this month??? Just seeing if anyone can relate

Also, does anyone know any special services that are reliable, for sending delayed messages? I want to notify a friend of my passing, maybe 6 to 12 months after I am already gone. Thanks

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[sanction]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

Thank you

 

[Stan Swiftie]

After being on this site for 6 years now, since 2019

Have been through a crazy mental journey, like most people on here. Lots of ups and downs (mostly downs)

By this point, I've finally reached my final straw

Very tired from always struggling financially, worrying about the future, constantly stuck in survival mode. I truly tried my very best to see if can get some support and assistance from family, but unfortunately, they just can't seem to understand the situation. Probably even misunderstand my CTB plans aren't real, maybe thinking I'm just trying to fake it for attention. Obviously, that is not the case

Anyways, I'm going to try to end it within this month of April, before May

Sucks to have to go through this. Anyone else also looking to end it this month??? Just seeing if anyone can relate

Also, does anyone know any special services that are reliable, for sending delayed messages? I want to notify a friend of my passing, maybe 6 to 12 months after I am already gone. Thanks

I'm planning on... I guess we say CTB here? Anyways, my will is supposed to be finalized on 4/23. I plan on CTB that weekend. Leaning towards catching a train, so to speak, but I don't like the idea of that method. Would like to go to sleep, and never wake up, but I'm immune to ODing, so idk what else to do. Any suggestions?

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this. I truly hope you find peace.

 

[sanction]

I'm planning on... I guess we say CTB here? Anyways, my will is supposed to be finalized on 4/23. I plan on CTB that weekend. Leaning towards catching a train, so to speak, but I don't like the idea of that method. Would like to go to sleep, and never wake up, but I'm immune to ODing, so idk what else to do. Any suggestions?

Around similar timeframe for me

I also want to just sleep and never wake up. Too bad it's impossible for us all

Train is not the easiest. You got guts. I'm considering drowning

How are things for you now? How you feeling? Anxious?

 

[Lo$t95]

Around similar timeframe for me

I also want to just sleep and never wake up. Too bad it's impossible for us all

Train is not the easiest. You got guts. I'm considering drowning

How are things for you now? How you feeling? Anxious?

Yeah honestly holy fuck train is ambitious.

I set myself 9th May at the latest but recently have been feeling like sooner the better since my subconscious has finally stopped fighting me on a daily basis.

Full suspension hanging for me.

 

[sanction]

Yeah honestly holy fuck train is ambitious.

I set myself 9th May at the latest but recently have been feeling like sooner the better since my subconscious has finally stopped fighting me on a daily basis.

Full suspension hanging for me.

Thanks to this community

Having people you can relate to during your final weeks / months, definitely does make it less lonely. Don't know what I''d do right now without this community

How are you feeling right now about this? For me, I've reached a state of being numb

Where will you be doing the hanging?

 

[Lo$t95]

Thanks to this community

Having people you can relate to during your final weeks / months, definitely does make it less lonely. Don't know what I''d do right now without this community

How are you feeling right now about this? For me, I've reached a state of being numb

Where will you be doing the hanging?

I don't mean to sounds like weirdo but it's full horror movie. Forest middle of nowhere at 2:30am ~ least chance of people to intervene.

I don't mean to sounds like weirdo but it's full horror movie. Forest middle of nowhere at 2:30am ~ least chance of people to intervene.

I have spent nights there to learn to relax in that environment and be comfortable with my surroundings. (It's an attempt to pacify survival instincts).

Thanks to this community

Having people you can relate to during your final weeks / months, definitely does make it less lonely. Don't know what I''d do right now without this community

How are you feeling right now about this? For me, I've reached a state of being numb

Where will you be doing the hanging?

How about yourself?

Thanks to this community

Having people you can relate to during your final weeks / months, definitely does make it less lonely. Don't know what I''d do right now without this community

How are you feeling right now about this? For me, I've reached a state of being numb

Where will you be doing the hanging?

To answer the "how do you feel Q" it's a mixture of hatred, guilt and determination which varies depending on how I feel that day.

 

[sanction]

I don't mean to sounds like weirdo but it's full horror movie. Forest middle of nowhere at 2:30am ~ least chance of people to intervene.

I have spent nights there to learn to relax in that environment and be comfortable with my surroundings. (It's an attempt to pacify survival instincts).

I'm planning to do it at some river, so in certain ways is similar concept

Also plan to go far away from the city somewhere, also during similar timeframes, for similar reasons

But I haven't got to the point of visiting the actual location yet. Will be getting to it about a week from now to study the location

Do you plan to do this sober? For me, I might drink a little alcohol just to help relax a bit

 

[Lo$t95]

I'm planning to do it at some river, so in certain ways is similar concept

Also plan to go far away from the city somewhere, also during similar timeframes, for similar reasons

But I haven't got to the point of visiting the actual location yet. Will be getting to it about a week from now to study the location

Do you plan to do this sober? For me, I might drink a little alcohol just to help relax a bit

Alcohol / Cocaine so I don't bitch out. Had a failed attempt at 15. I might not need the coke but it's a backup plan.

 

[sanction]

Alcohol / Cocaine so I don't bitch out. Had a failed attempt at 15. I might not need the coke but it's a backup plan.

Good idea. Just make sure it's not to a point where it will impair your judgment, or cause mistakes to happen

I guess you're doing it on a tree??

 

[Lo$t95]

Good idea. Just make sure it's not to a point where it will impair your judgment, or cause mistakes to happen

I guess you're doing it on a tree??

Yeah ~ set it up (water bowline knot on anchor/slipknot on throat) then wait for darkness, calm my nerves and just ease into it reminding myself life isn't worth hanging around for. No pun intended.

Yeah ~ set it up (water bowline knot on anchor/slipknot on throat) then wait for darkness, calm my nerves and just ease into it reminding myself life isn't worth hanging around for. No pun intended.

Grok (Twitter AI) recommends 2:30 am in May. Less chance of hikers etc

 

[sanction]

Yeah ~ set it up (water bowline knot on anchor/slipknot on throat) then wait for darkness, calm my nerves and just ease into it reminding myself life isn't worth hanging around for. No pun intended.

Grok (Twitter AI) recommends 2:30 am in May. Less chance of hikers etc

I'm also reminding myself life is not worth it. Rather struggle for 1-2 minutes, instead of 40 more years in this hell

Especially, either way we're just going to end up dying anyways

How are you going to pass time these next / last few weeks??

Also whats your main reason for CTB?

 

[Lo$t95]

I'm also reminding myself life is not worth it. Rather struggle for 1-2 minutes, instead of 40 more years in this hell

Especially, either way we're just going to end up dying anyways

How are you going to pass time these next / last few weeks??

I am trying to enjoy my remaining time but it's like I have lost motivation to enjoy anything so tbh I am just drinking and cutting myself for relief in the meantime.

Hopefully I manage to just play some Cyberpunk and watch some Teen Titans but honestly I am just fucked up every 3 nights and in between I am productive helping (adopted) family or making money (crypto) out of habit.

 

[sanction]

I am trying to enjoy my remaining time but it's like I have lost motivation to enjoy anything so tbh I am just drinking and cutting myself for relief in the meantime.

Hopefully I manage to just play some Cyberpunk and watch some Teen Titans but honestly I am just fucked up every 3 nights and in between I am productive helping (adopted) family or making money (crypto) out of habit.

I see. Yeah, it is indeed not easy to enjoy remaining times. Some people can, but I am one of those that can't, as we already know what's about to happen soon. Hard to take my mind off it

Speaking of crypto, it is one of the reasons that pushed me to the edge recently. I lost a fair amount of my last money with it. It is just super volatile and risky, so becareful

 

[Lo$t95]

I see. Yeah, it is indeed not easy to enjoy remaining times. Some people can, but I am one of those that can't, as we already know what's about to happen soon. Hard to take my mind off it

Speaking of crypto, it is one of the reasons that pushed me to the edge recently. I lost a fair amount of my last money with it. It is just super volatile and risky, so becareful

I made €96 million off it full disclosure. I got in early at the right time / coupled with an apathetic mindset after secretly saving throughout my teens. Hedonism isn't the paradise people think it is. At the end of the day / relationships are superficial / friendships are temporary / people only see you for what they can get from you.

 

[sanction]

I made €96 million off it full disclosure. I got in early at the right time / coupled with an apathetic mindset after secretly saving throughout my teens. Hedonism isn't the paradise people think it is. At the end of the day / relationships are superficial / friendships are temporary / people only see you for what they can get from you.

Wow.... 96 million??? You must be most wealthy person on this site. That is a crazy amount

I literally have less than $1000 at the moment, which is why I'm giving up

And I agree. I got completely heart broken from friendships. Which is one of the reasons that got me depressed in the first place

 

[Lo$t95]

Wow.... 96 million??? You must be most wealthy person on this site. That is a crazy amount

I literally have less than $1000 at the moment, which is why I'm giving up

And I agree. I got completely heart broken from friendships. Which is one of the reasons that got me depressed in the first place

if it's ok I give you an honest response to this as opposed to what people think is true.

If you are depressed/ suicidal with little money it is easy to/ natural to think having money gives you options etc which could potentially make you value life more.

Ultimately it's just easy access to women / drugs / freedom from the law (most criminal penalties are financial so hard to give a fuck past a certain amount) ~ so in turn you are chasing dopamine hits and when you realise there is nothing else without getting involved with the worst this planet has to offer you will eventually reach the conclusion nothing matters. If nothing matters then fuck this. Dopamine receptors are fried and there is no sense of purpose remaining.

Time to die. That's pretty much it.
You are ahead of the curve - skipped a few steps.

 

[J&L383]

96 million should buy plenty of N, even if you have to wade through the scams. With six years on this site, you've given it your best effort. Peace to you.

 

[sanction]

if it's ok I give you an honest response to this as opposed to what people think is true.

If you are depressed/ suicidal with little money it is easy to/ natural to think having money gives you options etc which could potentially make you value life more.

Ultimately it's just easy access to women / drugs / freedom from the law (most criminal penalties are financial so hard to give a fuck past a certain amount) ~ so in turn you are chasing dopamine hits and when you realise there is nothing else without getting involved with the worst this planet has to offer you will eventually reach the conclusion nothing matters. If nothing matters then fuck this. Dopamine receptors are fried and there is no sense of purpose remaining.

Time to die. That's pretty much it.
You are ahead of the curve - skipped a few steps.

To a certain extent, I understand what you mean

If I had even just 0.01% of that amount to my name I would continue to live, at least for reasonably longer, although I understand life is pointless

Since you're in crypto, you probably know the term rug pull. I recently got rugged / scammed of my last money, which is what pushed me to the edge

To a lot of people, that is the ultimate dream, at least financially. Sorry to hear things not working out for you

I imagine you probably been through some negative experiences with it. Life is meaningless after all

 

[Intoxicated]

Ultimately it's just easy access to women / drugs / freedom from the law (most criminal penalties are financial so hard to give a fuck past a certain amount) ~ so in turn you are chasing dopamine hits and when you realise there is nothing else without getting involved with the worst this planet has to offer you will eventually reach the conclusion nothing matters. If nothing matters then fuck this. Dopamine receptors are fried and there is no sense of purpose remaining.

With such an amount of money, it's possible to play a much bigger game than just buying chicks, drugs, and attributes luxury. You could start off your own business, give a job to several people and make something valuable that you could be proud of. Developing and maintaining a long-term project constantly keep you busy, and the emotional reward for all those efforts is somewhat different than fast & cheap dopamine you get from fucking a yet another slut. Besides, consuming some drugs doesn't look wise in the long-term perspective, since they mess up your brain chemistry, so other things that could normally bring pleasure will no longer work as good as before substance abuse.

This reminds me of how fucked up the economy is: while there are lots of poor people working on hard jobs, a lot of money is concentrated in hands on the rich who don't deserve them.