My ex mother in law is my HR Manager. I am being analyzed under a microscope constantly. I never feel safe at work and feel at any moment I will be fired for little to no reason. Per everyone else she is 'looking out for me' but I know that isn't true. She won't even speak to me. I am harassed nearly every day. I am sick and need health insurance so I have to stay. I have no choice. My direct supervisor is kind and really does try but I'm not worth the effort it takes. I'm ready to go away. I watched my coworker gasp on the ground for air after he was killed on property. I had to make the call to my boss that he was hurt. I think about him every single day. I think about hanging myself every day. I tried to recently. I got scared. I wish I would have continued. It's never going to get better. My entire family is dead and it's only right for me to join them. I have no one except my new fiance and my cat. I'm just a burden to them. It just feels like the most rational action to take, and I've thought it over for 10-12 years. When the feeling to do it comes nothing has ever felt more correct. The urge is stronger than any other. Nothing will ever be better again.
