Venting Rapidly going downhill

[höstdepressioner]

I started university recently. I thought it would be nice to have a fresh start and meet new people.

Everything I have said and done since then has been a mistake. I've discovered all i can do is make people uncomfortable no matter how hard i try not to. I've spent all my money drinking almost every day and making myself look worse just to have a semblance of happiness despite all my misery through alcohol. I've ruined countless nights not by being loud or angry, but through crying or throwing up when i drink with others. I know they all want me dead. I plan to ctb soon through partial hanging, i should have died many times before in my life and now seems as though it is the best time to. I've stopped taking my prozac because it'll just make me feel too numb to finally go through with this.

 

[Namensjemand]

I don't think they want you dead. But perhaps to get your shit together. Which you don't seem to trust you can do. :(

 

[love2-1]

I joined tonight too haha. That's the only thing funny, it just amused me. I completely understand your struggle with university. I joined the Marines after high school and when I finally left and tried school I was an outcast. Not just with age but mainly my drinking. I made everyone uncomfortable around me with my alcoholism, in service and in school. I haven't established a history here yet but what you feel now I did. This is the most turbulent time of your life, and btw I just turned 27... lol. I am not preaching old age... The pain is real. Your pain is real. Full disclosure; I shot myself in the head and was finally prescribed therapy and plenty of medications. I did this not during my service but after once I joined the acedemics and realized/convinced myself I was too broken to stand by them.

Some people I served with were prescribed prozac as a catch all med and it made things worse. I would suggest getting a second opinion from a different psyciatrist BUT this is not a dismissal of your prescription, just an observation from experience.

I blacked out last thursday and destroyed a relationship with the love of my life. Not telling you for sympathy but to relate to your pain.

I don't know you and I will never presume to suggest an alternative descision to your life. But as someone who RELIES heavily on alcohol, this post resonated with me. Be proud of your self awareness with a topic such as this. Get a new opinion on your medications because prozac is definitely not the be all end all.

My family has a history of POS alcoholics, and they all are dead as of this post. I am rambling but here is my point;

You are not a mistake. You are self aware of your faults and have accepted the help of medications. No one wants you dead. Alcohol is the most powerful drug it won't back down without a fight. This is natural in our society and you are interpreting it with logic, concern and care. At the very least these observations will enlighten and aid your existence today.

I digress. Stay true to your emotions ultimately.

 

[höstdepressioner]

I don't think they want you dead. But perhaps to get your shit together. Which you don't seem to trust you can do. :(

This is probably true, but i get irrational very easily and then all i can think is these awful things :(

I joined tonight too haha. That's the only thing funny, it just amused me. I completely understand your struggle with university. I joined the Marines after high school and when I finally left and tried school I was an outcast. Not just with age but mainly my drinking. I made everyone uncomfortable around me with my alcoholism, in service and in school. I haven't established a history here yet but what you feel now I did. This is the most turbulent time of your life, and btw I just turned 27... lol. I am not preaching old age... The pain is real. Your pain is real. Full disclosure; I shot myself in the head and was finally prescribed therapy and plenty of medications. I did this not during my service but after once I joined the acedemics and realized/convinced myself I was too broken to stand by them.

Some people I served with were prescribed prozac as a catch all med and it made things worse. I would suggest getting a second opinion from a different psyciatrist BUT this is not a dismissal of your prescription, just an observation from experience.

I blacked out last thursday and destroyed a relationship with the love of my life. Not telling you for sympathy but to relate to your pain.

I don't know you and I will never presume to suggest an alternative descision to your life. But as someone who RELIES heavily on alcohol, this post resonated with me. Be proud of your self awareness with a topic such as this. Get a new opinion on your medications because prozac is definitely not the be all end all.

My family has a history of POS alcoholics, and they all are dead as of this post. I am rambling but here is my point;

You are not a mistake. You are self aware of your faults and have accepted the help of medications. No one wants you dead. Alcohol is the most powerful drug it won't back down without a fight. This is natural in our society and you are interpreting it with logic, concern and care. At the very least these observations will enlighten and aid your existence today.

I digress. Stay true to your emotions ultimately.

Thank you so much, it's truly comforting to know others can understand the mess i've put myself into :) I'll see if i can find a second opinion on my medication and if i can get a different prescription that may help more