R

Rejection

Member
Oct 13, 2024
9
My will to end it is much broader than the lack of job opportunities in my social context. The latter is only part of my experience, which is connected to various abuses I received in my family from my mother and aunt, which led me to relate to sex in the wrong way.
When I was a child, I remember very well the trauma of my mother, sometimes my aunt, touching my private parts in the bedroom, swiping their fingers between my buttocks as if they were credit cards.
I remember that I could not resist, they kept masturbating me and I carried this trauma into adolescence.
Right in my teens I gave my signs of sexual deviance, harassing both boys and girls my age, touching them everywhere, I loved having power over them. I loved stalking, I loved verbally harassing even via chat (in the days of MSN, before Facebook) and having full control like my mother and aunt had over me. In adulthood I don't know what changed, but I started to hate my family and realised that my behaviour was wrong, that my approach to sex was wrong.
I have never had a girlfriend, I only see girls as sexual objects and I fantasize that they have full power over me as my mother and aunt did.
My way of relating to people has always been wrong, I have never known how to relate to others, my own sex or the opposite sex. I never had friends, only acquaintances who were my brother's friends and I pretended that I had mutual friends even though it was not true.
The human being is a social animal, he cannot not know how to relate, not even from behind a screen. My father in all this is an unemployed schemer who believes in the existence of aliens and the flat earth, if he even says a word in my defence, my mother kicks him out of the house and makes him go live in the atrada. The problem? My father has never tried to stand up for me, quite the contrary. I know he would kick him out because for much more futile reasons, they had a fight and he received these kinds of threats.

Yet the family is supposed to be a nest where one feels protected, when it is not, what should one do?
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
4,578
I'm incredibly sorry for everything you have to go through. I can't relate to being raped but I do relate with not ever having any friends, acquaintances and so on. Everything that you went through is just so cruel and unfair, you really deserve better and I hope you get that soon. I wish I knew how to answer your last question but I don't know how to since I'm stuck with family members who aren't safe for me as well. I just hope that you find peace soon
 
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astr4

astr4

memento mori
Mar 27, 2019
435
i'm so sorry that happened to you, i hope you know you didn't deserve it. abuse can be such a vicious cycle, especially when we're young and don't know any better. you know what they say, hurt people hurt people.

not having a loving caring family feels like such incredibly damage to the foundation of who we are as people, who we can grow to be. it's like we're constantly mourning our own childhoods and our own potential. who would i have been if my family never hurt me? the question haunts me always.
 
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R

Rejection

Member
Oct 13, 2024
9
Lucky
Those who don't want that get it. but those who want, do not
I don't call you retarded, because that would be an insult to those who suffer from mental retardation.
 
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SweetItalianS

SweetItalianS

Member
Aug 11, 2024
41
My will to end it is much broader than the lack of job opportunities in my social context. The latter is only part of my experience, which is connected to various abuses I received in my family from my mother and aunt, which led me to relate to sex in the wrong way.
When I was a child, I remember very well the trauma of my mother, sometimes my aunt, touching my private parts in the bedroom, swiping their fingers between my buttocks as if they were credit cards.
I remember that I could not resist, they kept masturbating me and I carried this trauma into adolescence.
Right in my teens I gave my signs of sexual deviance, harassing both boys and girls my age, touching them everywhere, I loved having power over them. I loved stalking, I loved verbally harassing even via chat (in the days of MSN, before Facebook) and having full control like my mother and aunt had over me. In adulthood I don't know what changed, but I started to hate my family and realised that my behaviour was wrong, that my approach to sex was wrong.
I have never had a girlfriend, I only see girls as sexual objects and I fantasize that they have full power over me as my mother and aunt did.
My way of relating to people has always been wrong, I have never known how to relate to others, my own sex or the opposite sex. I never had friends, only acquaintances who were my brother's friends and I pretended that I had mutual friends even though it was not true.
The human being is a social animal, he cannot not know how to relate, not even from behind a screen. My father in all this is an unemployed schemer who believes in the existence of aliens and the flat earth, if he even says a word in my defence, my mother kicks him out of the house and makes him go live in the atrada. The problem? My father has never tried to stand up for me, quite the contrary. I know he would kick him out because for much more futile reasons, they had a fight and he received these kinds of threats.

Yet the family is supposed to be a nest where one feels protected, when it is not, what should one do?
When the family is not a safe nest I'd advise to leave it, build your own safe nest with close friends and your significant other/their family.
It is very unfair and evil what happened to you, it is very hard to live through trauma and not become broken and I salute the fact that you want to put in the work to stop the vicious cycle, try to heal and see hope in the future.
You might also want to visit communities such as SIA - survivals of incest anonymous, I think that you might be able to connect with people that lived through similar trauma and bond with them . Such communities might offer you some help or guidance that you need. I wish you the best!
 
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EvisceratedJester

EvisceratedJester

|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
Oct 21, 2023
3,295
Lucky
Those who don't want that get it. but those who want, do not
Fuck off, dude. Imagine saying shit like this to someone who is literally opening up about being raped? How about you go to some incel forum or something if all you plan on doing here is going onto threads about rape and sex work to making weird fucking posts?
 
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