starstruckstarlight
Member
- Feb 12, 2026
- 12
Hey everyone. I'm just rambling, feel free to ignore, but insight would also be appreciated.
I'm going to be leaving this Earth on Friday. I'm using sodium nitrite. I hope it is still pure enough, it turned a darker red almost immediately with a blood test, and I was told that the purity should still be good, but I have some looming anxiety still.
I plan to stay in a hotel. I'm nervous about them being suspicious over me staying there though, the hotel is technically only 30 minutes from my home, so I don't know if they'd find it suspicious and call someone, or if I'm just being paranoid. I have an airbnb booked as a backup in case the hotel goes wrong and they question me or deny my stay, but I would feel much better being able to do it at the hotel.
I'm going to eat relatively light on Thursday, and then fast all day Friday. The SN will be taken around 4 or 5 my time. I don't have AEs or Benzos, bur I've read even with vomiting some people still pass. I do have hydroxyzine, which I'm considering taking but I don't know if it can mess up anything. I think I'll prepare 3 cups with 25 g in 20 ml of water. I'm worried too about noise and someone overhearing me. I don't know if it better to maybe do it in the bathroom of the hotel then as opposed to the main room.
I'm feeling so many emotions at once. I'm excited, but also really scared and nervous. It really has to work this time. I was supposed to be gone a long time ago, I am tired of failed attempts and I do not want to end up in a ward again. I'm begging for this to work. Death is all I think about anymore. I feel guilty over leaving, but at the same time I do think everyone will be fine and better off without me. I'm not worth much and never was, and I know a life of further misery lies ahead of me so I need to be gone now. I can't wait. I feel almost no hesitation this time around. I just hope that it all goes well and I'm finally free. Thanks for reading this if you did, just had to organize my thoughts and put it out somewhere
I'm going to be leaving this Earth on Friday. I'm using sodium nitrite. I hope it is still pure enough, it turned a darker red almost immediately with a blood test, and I was told that the purity should still be good, but I have some looming anxiety still.
I plan to stay in a hotel. I'm nervous about them being suspicious over me staying there though, the hotel is technically only 30 minutes from my home, so I don't know if they'd find it suspicious and call someone, or if I'm just being paranoid. I have an airbnb booked as a backup in case the hotel goes wrong and they question me or deny my stay, but I would feel much better being able to do it at the hotel.
I'm going to eat relatively light on Thursday, and then fast all day Friday. The SN will be taken around 4 or 5 my time. I don't have AEs or Benzos, bur I've read even with vomiting some people still pass. I do have hydroxyzine, which I'm considering taking but I don't know if it can mess up anything. I think I'll prepare 3 cups with 25 g in 20 ml of water. I'm worried too about noise and someone overhearing me. I don't know if it better to maybe do it in the bathroom of the hotel then as opposed to the main room.
I'm feeling so many emotions at once. I'm excited, but also really scared and nervous. It really has to work this time. I was supposed to be gone a long time ago, I am tired of failed attempts and I do not want to end up in a ward again. I'm begging for this to work. Death is all I think about anymore. I feel guilty over leaving, but at the same time I do think everyone will be fine and better off without me. I'm not worth much and never was, and I know a life of further misery lies ahead of me so I need to be gone now. I can't wait. I feel almost no hesitation this time around. I just hope that it all goes well and I'm finally free. Thanks for reading this if you did, just had to organize my thoughts and put it out somewhere
