Venting Rant About Myself

[berd]

I'm stuck in this constant loop, everything is the same exact thing. Every night I lie awake crying, wishing I could restart my entire life. I know I won't get any help for whatever I have going on. I try shrugging my thoughts off, it worked until now. My suicidal thoughts grow stronger daily, it's to the point where I have to actually convince myself to not act on it. Everyday I zone out daydreaming that I find some sort of "freedom" from this shithole. I already know I won't be living to 30, I have no desire for marriage or kids. I'm terrified of the thought of having a child and raising them into this world. I've started to gain violent thoughts too. I never act on them but I'm horrified I will one day. It's really fucking with my head now.
I just needed to get this off of my chest. A somewhat good part in this is that I turn 20 soon :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Al_stargate]

Best advice ever


But in all seriousness, I know it's tough being 20. You're expected to get a good headstart in life, get a partner, be successful... I was a loser on welfare till like 26. Then I started business which became success, luck really. At 20, I had social anxieties, stuttered, couldn't even go to a job interview. My parents didn't gave a shit about that, people treated me with prejudice like I was a bum. I really thought I should teach somebody a lesson. I remember waking up every morning feeling like shit. My advice to you; don't lose your inner compass. Don't let circumstance dictate who you are as a person. If you let that happen, you gonna be way worse off in the long run.

 

[deathbydragon]

I'd remove the reference to how many days away your birthday is imo, you don't want to reveal your exact birth date.

 

[berd]

I'd remove the reference to how many days away your birthday is imo, you don't want to reveal your exact birth date.

Alr, thank you!