Quick Vent

[Gurtinukkk]

Even though I've went a year without being actively suicidal, it still seems to come back. Even when life is going well and happy, I still can't shake the feeling off that I don't want to live. Is there something wrong with me? Seems like no matter if my life gets better or worse, I will always feel this way about life. That I will never be able to genuinely enjoy it because I'll always feel this way. I'm a huge coward, the last time I tried to ctb I failed miserably and felt terrible after. People in my life would think I'm selfish for doing this, but really I think I'm doing them a favor. I feel like a stain and an inconvenience in people's lives, people are wasting their time an energy on me. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[disillusion]

What is " wrong" or " right"? We just have those tendencies. I have been that way for almost 20 years now….. it slightly got better after I am medicated but i cannot shake it all off but why is it wrong to feel that way?
Dont worry about others.
Only think for yourself. You dont have to necessarily enjoy anything. Only live for yourself first.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really don't think that wishing to die is something 'wrong', at least to me it's perfectly understandable feeling in such a way. I know that I will always wish to die no matter the circumstances. I think that once someone is suicidal, it's difficult to ever fully let go of the thoughts even if life improves for that person as after all, I believe that if someone has once considered suicide, it will always be like an option.

But it must had been awful going through a failed ctb attempt, that is exactly what I fear. It really is so unnecessarily difficult to leave this world, and I see this as being something very unfortunate but anyway I wish you the best of luck.