AboutTom
Being born is not a gift but the result of a crime
- Feb 9, 2023
- 45
So, for the past 3 years my best friend has been my only reason for staying alive. I know i'm incredebly privileged to have someone like him as so many people here sound like they'd seriously benefit from a friend. I know that i want to cbt, but i don't wanna make him sad.
The reason i believe me ctb would have a negative impact on him is because he used to be struggling a lot and now he doesn't, i can't really point to any other reason to why he'd be doing better than meeting me. And the difference is very clear and has been for the past 3 years.
The plan was for us to live together and ctb together once we're old and one of us gets cancer or smt else like that. Well now i have glaucoma. At young age. It's one of the most common causes of blindness but for those who don't know, disorder where eye pressure causes gradual vision loss, you have to avoid anything that could speed it up from certain medications to your sleep position. Its pretty miserable knowing im doing everything right but only have multiple eye surgeries and gradual vision loss ahead of me at just 18 years old.
I haven't been living for myself for a long time. So it shoudnt rly matter how miserable i get, as long as he's happy. But how happy can he be if he's gonna have to pity me for rest of our lives. I feel like i'm now just gonna be a burden, even if i wont go fully blind i will be very visually impaired as time goes on. He said he would take care of me and it doesn't change anything but i think he doesnt unserstand or then he's lying. It absolutely changes everything. I wonder would he be happier having a blind friend or no friend at all. Like how fast would he forget about it if i ctb?
The reason i believe me ctb would have a negative impact on him is because he used to be struggling a lot and now he doesn't, i can't really point to any other reason to why he'd be doing better than meeting me. And the difference is very clear and has been for the past 3 years.
The plan was for us to live together and ctb together once we're old and one of us gets cancer or smt else like that. Well now i have glaucoma. At young age. It's one of the most common causes of blindness but for those who don't know, disorder where eye pressure causes gradual vision loss, you have to avoid anything that could speed it up from certain medications to your sleep position. Its pretty miserable knowing im doing everything right but only have multiple eye surgeries and gradual vision loss ahead of me at just 18 years old.
I haven't been living for myself for a long time. So it shoudnt rly matter how miserable i get, as long as he's happy. But how happy can he be if he's gonna have to pity me for rest of our lives. I feel like i'm now just gonna be a burden, even if i wont go fully blind i will be very visually impaired as time goes on. He said he would take care of me and it doesn't change anything but i think he doesnt unserstand or then he's lying. It absolutely changes everything. I wonder would he be happier having a blind friend or no friend at all. Like how fast would he forget about it if i ctb?
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