BitterlyAlive_
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- Dec 8, 2020
- 2,394
I've been taking Pristiq, Buspar, and Ritalin together for a little over a month. This is probably my 10th week or so on Pristiq, 5th week at my current dose.
For some context... As some people may know, last month was rather tumultuous. I was still spiraling, but also have been on a two week bender with pot and occasionally alcohol (now that I can finally drink again). My suicidal urges have steadily been getting worse, more tempting; I have to fight myself to not go through with another attempt. I had two attempts recently while I was intoxicated. And I've had bad urges to self-harm since I was an adolescent, but even those urges have been getting absolutely unbearable. I try not to cut when the urges are so bad because I wouldn't be in full control, but I gave in last week and went too far.
I think the bender itself is leveling out, but the cravings are so damn strong. I can't stand being sober during the day. I've been dissociating more severely for the past month, and it's still going on now. Not sure if that's partly fueling this. I don't even like being intoxicated, it's not fun. It's really just a way to hurt myself, and seems to help me escape for a bit.
I've been thinking today and realized that perhaps my medications are also fueling the cravings. I recall hearing others say that their antidepressants made them crave alcohol, and was wondering if perhaps my spiraling issues are related to my meds.
Your stories and experiences are more than welcome, feel free to share your thoughts (whether you agree or disagree, etc). Hell, call me an idiot for continuing to let myself spiral. I'm up for discussion.
For some context... As some people may know, last month was rather tumultuous. I was still spiraling, but also have been on a two week bender with pot and occasionally alcohol (now that I can finally drink again). My suicidal urges have steadily been getting worse, more tempting; I have to fight myself to not go through with another attempt. I had two attempts recently while I was intoxicated. And I've had bad urges to self-harm since I was an adolescent, but even those urges have been getting absolutely unbearable. I try not to cut when the urges are so bad because I wouldn't be in full control, but I gave in last week and went too far.
I think the bender itself is leveling out, but the cravings are so damn strong. I can't stand being sober during the day. I've been dissociating more severely for the past month, and it's still going on now. Not sure if that's partly fueling this. I don't even like being intoxicated, it's not fun. It's really just a way to hurt myself, and seems to help me escape for a bit.
I've been thinking today and realized that perhaps my medications are also fueling the cravings. I recall hearing others say that their antidepressants made them crave alcohol, and was wondering if perhaps my spiraling issues are related to my meds.
Your stories and experiences are more than welcome, feel free to share your thoughts (whether you agree or disagree, etc). Hell, call me an idiot for continuing to let myself spiral. I'm up for discussion.