I'd kill myself with a hot rusty knife before I'd ever do that to my little dachshunds. There's just no way I'd be able to cope with doing that. I'd probably set myself on fire and reduce myself to a charred husk if I ever did something as atrocious as that, the guilt would make me truly psychotic and with my existing problems I'd just see it is an excuse to inflict even more serious and more painful harm to myself. But this time it would be something involving fire or something that would cause intense excruciating pain. Maybe I would tie a few bricks to my head and put my face into a bull ant nest, judging by how painful their stings are, that would be a good way to die too since their venom is super toxic.
Much better to just rehome them, find someone who cares about them, and will look after them. The problem is, because of what happened to those dogs up in the NT where they were tortured and mutilated then killed, I feel a terrible sense of dread as to what will happen to them. I'd want them to go to someone who I trust will not hurt them. I have a breeder's contact who knows people who want dachshunds and would take them if I ever had to do the final deed.
But because the doctor plainly refuses to treat my problem with blood thinners, you know, the most likely cause of all this sudden shit that leaves permanent damage every time a major episode happens, microclots yeah can't be anything else and yes, I'll kill myself if it happens again, if it EVER happens again. That's a serious threat mind you, there is no joking here, this is as real as it gets. I'd love it if a MACROclot would just lodge itself in my brainstem or one of the posterior arteries in my heart and just trigger a cardiac arrest. Then I wouldn't have to kill myself. A MACROclot would take care of that for me. F*** these silly microclots, they don't kill you they just f*** you up. Slowly.