I am the most pushed around person alive I think. And I can't believe it. I can't believe how I let people push me in and out of things. I actually let myself be pushed out of everything. That's how I know I've lost everything I could have ever have been in life. All life is is one giant push and you either fit in with that push or you don't. There is no point in staying alive for anything if life has no use for it. Terms like self value can really matter and change people's lives, but they only apply to people who fit into the system and to people who the system and the cliques care about. There is no place for differences and blemishes and outsiders in life, they are all pushed out in some form. Life is worthless for those who are out of step with the great push.
I have tried to be the best, better than others all my life. Hardwired to be. And yet I am the biggest loser alive. I was conflicted between wanting to be the best and wanting to get on with people. I used to listen to people, I have no interest in listening now. All listening does is make you passive to people.
Some of us are hardwired that way but it isn't a bad thing. Empathy and being a morally good person is a positive. I would take being me over having to shit on people to get ahead any day of the week.
I was born to be shat on and I have lost everything, I will be dead soon and I will finally be free.
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