Venting Purposeless

[Red]

Parents didn't want me, family is unbearable, body failing with huge amounts of undiagnosed pain... why the fuck am I even here??

Hate every part of existence right now as it pulls at me while even trying to ignore it to live the most basic of lives, trying to find joy in the small things but having even those encroached on by this fucking shit.

Friends went long ago, along with self absorbed family members convinced that everything went by only my terms when in fact it was my body, unbidden by me and out of my control. Pretty sure I've lost my other half by not being able to participate in everything, not being able to be physical or having to welch out on plans...

Why am I here when I was never wanted and when my presence is resented on a daily basis?? My partner sends me an email with all the money he pays out on a monthly basis for bills and my share of it that he covers... I feel that I can't do anything about it every time it lands in my email, what is that for?? I'm aware of it, I thank him for everything that he provides me, down to each time he buys something from the shop or takes me to an appointment...

I just can't wait to be gone. I've stopped hoping for spontaneous healing, even diagnosis and treatment now. I hope it just takes me without much more fuss. It's hurting too much right now and again I'm alone when I need people the most...

If it takes me, it'll come when I'm alone, when I feel worst and have no lifelines, unless I do it myself.

I hope it's soon. It has to be.

 

[whywere]

WOW,WOW, you ane I are 100% the same! 1st) I was NEVER wanted. MY "parents" called me "the mistake" till 18 years old, then they kicked me out and I NEVER heard from them again, their choice. I have a older brother and a younger sister, have NOT seen EITHER in over 30 years, there in again their choice. When my "parents" died, in their will they left in U.S. dollars $500,000 for my sister, $2,000,000 for my brother and I was NOT even mentioned in the will which means I got ZERO. My "family" came from Germany to the U.S. and I at least wanted something from my hertiage and both my brother and sister said NO, end of subject. NOW with that aspect said in 2015 I was driving down a road going South and another person was coming East and he blew through the stop sign and I went into him, called t-boning. I woke up in the hospital in ICU and have 24/7 chronic pain and I might lose movement in my right side, which means a wheelchair for the rest of my life. He, by the way, did NOT even get a scratch. There is walking path at the scene and lots of people saw what happened so he could not get out of it. NOW..NOW with ALL that said I know the challenges now and ahead for me. I have not decided if ctb is the answer and if so when. BUT we both are humans with the capacity to love and your partner sounds like he/she might need a lot of what being a human is all about. My ex ALWAYS, she had a HUGE paying position would tell me how "everything: is always paid and would give me a crappy look. I HATED that period, I NEVER asked to become disabled. Please keep in touch with me since we seem to have SO MUCH in common and we can help one another. Unlike me you have a partner who cares for you??, that is a murky question. Take care, love and peace to you my special friend!

 

[Red]

It's too scary to deal with, this lack of compassion and progress.
It's too hard, it hurts too much, I don't understand why I'm here if the whole of existence is just pain and misunderstanding

 

[Wayfaerer]

WOW,WOW, you ane I are 100% the same! 1st) I was NEVER wanted. MY "parents" called me "the mistake" till 18 years old, then they kicked me out and I NEVER heard from them again, their choice. I have a older brother and a younger sister, have NOT seen EITHER in over 30 years, there in again their choice. When my "parents" died, in their will they left in U.S. dollars $500,000 for my sister, $2,000,000 for my brother and I was NOT even mentioned in the will which means I got ZERO. My "family" came from Germany to the U.S. and I at least wanted something from my hertiage and both my brother and sister said NO, end of subject. NOW with that aspect said in 2015 I was driving down a road going South and another person was coming East and he blew through the stop sign and I went into him, called t-boning. I woke up in the hospital in ICU and have 24/7 chronic pain and I might lose movement in my right side, which means a wheelchair for the rest of my life. He, by the way, did NOT even get a scratch. There is walking path at the scene and lots of people saw what happened so he could not get out of it. NOW..NOW with ALL that said I know the challenges now and ahead for me. I have not decided if ctb is the answer and if so when. BUT we both are humans with the capacity to love and your partner sounds like he/she might need a lot of what being a human is all about. My ex ALWAYS, she had a HUGE paying position would tell me how "everything: is always paid and would give me a crappy look. I HATED that period, I NEVER asked to become disabled. Please keep in touch with me since we seem to have SO MUCH in common and we can help one another. Unlike me you have a partner who cares for you??, that is a murky question. Take care, love and peace to you my special friend!

Wow, what was their problem??? How could a parent treat one of their children so harshly? It makes no sense. Nobody deserves that, accident or not.

 

[Red]

People are horrible