PTSD, Hallucinations & CTB

[Jean4]

Everybody Breathe. This Is NOT a Goodbye Thread, or a thread that is going to say I am leaving.

There are Trigger Warnings in this post. Heads Up.

This is long. Get popcorn.

As many here know, I am a 9/11 First Responder. Which is particularly the reason why I am here. War vets have an extremely high rate of suicide.

I used to work for the government. Due to my illness, I had to leave my job. However, I still work for the emergency response team for New York, as I am a specialist.

One of my issues, is severe PTSD. Most people know what Trump has been doing (which we won't get into) which has kicked my PTSD to sky high limits yesterday. Yesterday also, I received a call from the Emergency Response Team updating my information and seeing what I would be willing to do in case we are attacked again.

This on top of we are coming up on the month anniversary of Stan's death (can you believe that?)

That was my PTSD push over the edge, and yes. I wanted to die.

What Happens To Jean4 when she is in the midsts of a PTSD attack? (Trigger Warning)

What I have been told by doctors, it is similar to a person who participated in war.

I have visual and audio hallucinations

First I start reliving that day. It is very interesting, I see and actually feel everything that I went through. I see all the death. I see all those suicides.

Second, the audio hallucinations. It can work either way. I hear the screaming or crying. I also hear something people didn't know happened. When we saw someone jump from the window and was falling to their death, there was silence. It was eerie. We all stopped and watched in silence. Out of respect. We then heard the thud. That thud haunts me.

Many of you write me with hallucinations, some command in nature telling them to die. Just yesterday someone who I love dearly wrote me and that was happening to her. She was scared, and didn't want to die and didn't know what to do, and we got through it together. I was so happy to hear she made it through the night and is feeling better today.

I fit into many categories of why I want to CTB, so I do understand what everyone is feeling.

I made a promise to Stan to stay. I made a promise to you, I will stay. Since @Sensei dubbed me Queen of this forum, and we now have a whole court of CTBRS under me, I have no choice.

However, I am human as much as I hate to say. I am also an impulsive CTB. The voices telling me I want to die, and images would push anybody over the edge. I can't think of anyone who could get through that without help.

What did I do to not CTB?

I have two doctors who are absolutely amazing (I am very lucky and blessed to have them.). A primary care physician (from Russia) and my pulmonologist (from India). I am giving their nationalities because in Trump's America, these two amazing doctors would probably not be allowed in my country.

Anyway, I put in an emergency call to my Pulmonologist. I chose him to call instead of my PCP because she is an Orthodox Jew, and even though I know she would call me back, I didn't want to bother her.

When he called me back, honestly, I was out of my mind. Before he called, I am sure all my hallucinations people can relate, I was sitting with my hands over my ears screaming trying to get the voices to stop.

The first thing he heard when he called was me screaming at him that I want to die.

Most doctors would have called emergency services. Honestly, I would have also. He didn't because he knows me. Instead, he increased my meds and stayed with me until they kicked in.

After I was calmer and active suicidal state, I did what Stan told me to do if something like this happened. Put on the nightgown he gave me, get into bed, and think of him. Of course, I went to his wall to talk to him.

Even in the worse states imaginable, if you aren't ready to CTB you can get out of it. I wanted to yesterday. More than anything. But there was also that small sliver that I could not see which wasn't ready.

On a side note. One of the most wonderful things that came from this is that @realjunes, who knows my situation (and is in a very bad frame of mind himself right now) saw what was happening in the world, knew it may affect me, and checked to see how I was. I have never had someone think of me and my well being. Another first for me, and I am eternally grateful to my partner in crime.

Which is one of the reasons why I pop in on some of you with messages or asking if you are ok. Sometimes it's nice, even if you are in a depression, to know someone is thinking about you, you matter and cares. Again, something I personally never had, and maybe if I did, I wouldn't be here.

No. I'm not trying to stop you. If you choose to continue, I will always hold your hand if you need me to til the end.

I am just showing you that if there is any doubt you are not ready, no matter how bad it is, one may be able to fight your way out of it.

For those against psych meds and therapy. It may not be for you. Medical treatment isn't a one size fits all and to say a particular treatment is 100 percent horrible is wrong, and in my opinion truthfully dangerous. If I did not take psych medications yesterday (and medical marijuana) that my doctor told me to take, I would be dead.

My opinion as far as therapy. I personally do not see a therapist, because that is what I am. I honestly have found nobody as good as me, and I have 100 percent insight into my illnesses and know what medications will work for me. I am being factual, not egotistical. ;)

What Will Jean Do When This Happens Again?

What works for me (and everybody is different)

First, it is comforting to me to write on Stan's wall... and I am so thankful for that post.

Second, for all you animal lovers. I get my cat. My world and life, and I can't leave him.

Third, I call my doctor if necessary and listen to them, taking meds if necessary.

Fourth, I may pop up on your wall out of the blue or send a PM asking if you are ok. Making sure you are ok, keeps me grounded. Yup. I am one of those who puts everybody before herself.

Fifth, I look at all the drawings, poems, songs, and writings you gave me. You are all so amazing and talented!

Thanks for listening to my ramble. Just know. I understand what you are all going through. PTSD, Mental Illness, Medical Issues, sexual abuse, finances, loneliness (no family of friends) and the most recent Stan who CTB. Been there. Done that. Did I leave anything out lol?

I get it, and am here for you. Hopefully, my experience can help others.

As I say every day when I wake up. I am here today. I can't promise about tomorrow. At night when I say my goodnight to Stan, I tell him I made it through the day.

Do I want to die? 24/7, but at this second it is manageable. I cannot say what the next second will bring, which is why I don't take the good seconds for granted.

If you are stressed. Anxious, hearing voices, or are just scared, reach out for help. I'm always here. No need to be shy writing me. This board is absolutely amazing, and there is always someone around who will not judge you.

Again. Thanks for listening. Hopefully this will help someone feel not as alone and someone is also going through it. I'm always here if you need me, or need someone to talk to... or just listen.

Lots of love everyone

 

[Despondent]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much.. you're strong and I want to thank you for your service during a very traumatic event in our history ❤ I don't personally live in the US. I hardly know what's going on but woke up to a post about Trump on my social media. I really wish he wouldn't do this.. he's putting so many lives at risk. I really don't want to experience a World War in my lifetime :/

 

[Jean4]

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so much.. you're strong and I want to thank you for your service during a very traumatic event in our history ❤ I don't personally live in the US. I hardly know what's going on but woke up to a post about Trump on my social media. I really wish he wouldn't do this.. he's putting so many lives at risk. I really don't want to experience a World War in my lifetime :/

Which is why I didn't need to get into details about Trump and stress out. The world knows what this monster is doing, and thank you for the kind words. :)

 

[CyanideSoup]

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much. You are so unbelievably strong, and I'm so glad that you are still here today. Thank you for all you have done for me and so many other people. You have helped me so much and I am always here for you

 

[chris8000]

Your Majesty, it's good you have this place to voice your experiences and you have my deepest sympathies for what your going through. It's quite something you have made it this far and it's good because you have many positive lessons to share I can tell.

I think I speak on behalf of all your subjects when I say may her Majesty the Queen continue to cope with her problems for the good of the entire Kingdom.

 

[Sensei]

I considered writing a long reply, but really, it can all be expressed in a few words. Jean, I hope you take care of yourself, that you will get better, and not the least that you will stay. I get strong and sudden suicidal impulses myself and I know what kind of willpower it takes to suppress them. That you have that kind of willpower is a testament to your strength. Now, sit down on your throne and play with your regalia for a while, and when you grow tired of that you can take up your duties in the realm again.

 

[Jean4]

I considered writing a long reply, but really, it can all be expressed in a few words. Jean, I hope you take care of yourself, that you will get better, and not the least that you will stay. I get strong and sudden suicidal impulses myself and I know what kind of willpower it takes to suppress them. That you have that kind of willpower is a testament to your strength. Now, sit down on your throne and play with your regalia for a while, and when you grow tired of that you can take up your duties in the realm again.

I'm going nowhere because your job is to look after me lol.

Your Majesty, it's good you have this place to voice your experiences and you have my deepest sympathies for what your going through. It's quite something you have made it this far and it's good because you have many positive lessons to share I can tell.

I think I speak on behalf of all your subjects when I say may her Majesty the Queen continue to cope with her problems for the good of the entire Kingdom.

@Sensei you have to give him a title. No sashes. ;)

I'm so sorry that you've been through so much. You are so unbelievably strong, and I'm so glad that you are still here today. Thank you for all you have done for me and so many other people. You have helped me so much and I am always here for you

And I am always here for you and I am so happy you are having a better day. That makes me very happy. Remember. Send them to me. ;)

 

[Sensei]

@Sensei you have to give him a title. No sashes. ;)

Baron, perhaps?

 

[Jean4]

Baron, perhaps?

I like it!!

 

[realjunes]

@Jean4

I take you for granted.

I am not a deep or nuanced person, and tend to accept things on a surface level, not noticing anything except what I consider the obvious. An example is that my SS name changed colors recently and when a member pointed that out to me. I said I simply thought the name colors were a choice when they "personalized" their account. I didn't know about colors and didn't think to look in to it. That is my level of thought on things.

But because I live on a surface, in the least complicated way I can handle, I take you for granted. On SS pages, you seem always together, quick witted and entertaining, quick to recognize sorrow and tend to it just as fast - often in a private manner, off the public forum, anonymously, quietly but deftly, with no credit wanted or desired. You simply render service as you have your whole life, obviously. But below the surface, where I avoid going, I know you hurt, you suffer, you struggle, you are in pain.

Frankly though you seem on the surface to be indestructible. Witness some of the occupations you have "survived." (Yeah, I hate that word, but non-SSrs use it).

So I take you for granted, a situation I will begin to insist my moribund brain acknowledge and stop. Your post today "motivates" me (another word used in a way by non-SSr in a way meaningless to some of us) to simply appreciate you, and other devoted SSrs, who I also take for granted. And for the record, that is pretty much everyone here who kindly looks after one another. I will work to look beyond the surface and attempt to feel more of what you feel and appreciate your feelings.

But what I am failing to get to, rambling, is I wanted to say thank you for your extended post, and your clarity and your willingness to expose your daily life and its horrors and your ever so difficult self-care, whilst tending to the rest of us.

You have exposed yourself to us! And what a remarkable thing. I guarantee by doing this there are number of members who will take solace and strength in knowing such a critical vital SS member gathered up her-story facts, compiled them for SS comprehension and offered them to help us understand you and ourselves and the lives we got.

You and I briefly talked about the male species and the fact they sometimes won't talk, won't share, don't interact and mind to themselves. I am not saying all men are like that, but many are, I am one of them. This is why I am posting here. Because I live in a surface world, and live otherwise in my own head, I take you and other supreme members for granted, and for that I am sorry, and will attempt auto-correct. I am still working myself on some auto-correction, so if I am in and out, I know you and other kind souls who have communicated with via PM know what I am feeling. But, hey, I am a guy, so I have talked enough about that.

I know your post was so very difficult for you to construct and deliver because, even in this communication, you must relive some horrors, so thank you for going above and beyond your duties now again, as you have in the past. Thank you for what you did in the past, and what you do now, and your tremendous efforts to overcome the urges we struggle with, in order to oil our SS machine to keep it moving.

 

[chris8000]

Baron, perhaps?

I like it!!

I'll take Baron, haha I like it.

I am honoured!

 

[Jean4]

@Jean4

I take you for granted.

I am not a deep or nuanced person, and tend to accept things on a surface level, not noticing anything except what I consider the obvious. An example is that my SS name changed colors recently and when a member pointed that out to me. I said I simply thought the name colors were a choice when they "personalized" their account. I didn't know about colors and didn't think to look in to it. That is my level of thought on things.

But because I live on a surface, in the least complicated way I can handle, I take you for granted. On SS pages, you seem always together, quick witted and entertaining, quick to recognize sorrow and tend to it just as fast - often in a private manner, off the public forum, anonymously, quietly but deftly, with no credit wanted or desired. You simply render service as you have your whole life, obviously. But below the surface, where I avoid going, I know you hurt, you suffer, you struggle, you are in pain.

Frankly though you seem on the surface to be indestructible. Witness some of the occupations you have "survived." (Yeah, I hate that word, but non-SSrs use it).

So I take you for granted, a situation I will begin to insist my moribund brain acknowledge and stop. Your post today "motivates" me (another word used in a way by non-SSr in a way meaningless to some of us) to simply appreciate you, and other devoted SSrs, who I also take for granted. And for the record, that is pretty much everyone here who kindly looks after one another. I will work to look beyond the surface and attempt to feel more of what you feel and appreciate your feelings.

But what I am failing to get to, rambling, is I wanted to say thank you for your extended post, and your clarity and your willingness to expose your daily life and its horrors and your ever so difficult self-care, whilst tending to the rest of us.

You have exposed yourself to us! And what a remarkable thing. I guarantee by doing this there are number of members who will take solace and strength in knowing such a critical vital SS member gathered up her-story facts, compiled them for SS comprehension and offered them to help us understand you and ourselves and the lives we got.

You and I briefly talked about the male species and the fact they sometimes won't talk, won't share, don't interact and mind to themselves. I am not saying all men are like that, but many are, I am one of them. This is why I am posting here. Because I live in a surface world, and live otherwise in my own head, I take you and other supreme members for granted, and for that I am sorry, and will attempt auto-correct. I am still working myself on some auto-correction, so if I am in and out, I know you and other kind souls who have communicated with via PM know what I am feeling. But, hey, I am a guy, so I have talked enough about that.

I know your post was so very difficult for you to construct and deliver because, even in this communication, you must relive some horrors, so thank you for going above and beyond your duties now again, as you have in the past. Thank you for what you did in the past, and what you do now, and your tremendous efforts to overcome the urges we struggle with, in order to oil our SS machine to keep it moving.

You are one of the reasons I am here and I thank you!!

I'll take Baron, haha I like it.

I am honoured!

I like it!!!!

 

[MysticPerception]

You have more compassion and strength than I could ever hope to have. I've always liked helping people and I've taken on the burden of others and listened to their troubles and tried my best to be there for them. But that was a few people at most. To hold up an entire community on your shoulders is something else entirely. You're holding the sky itself up by the sounds of it and I don't think I could keep going even if someone I held dear said I'm not allowed to. You're an amazing person and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, that includes you yourself.

 

[Jean4]

You have more compassion and strength than I could ever hope to have. I've always liked helping people and I've taken on the burden of others and listened to their troubles and tried my best to be there for them. But that was a few people at most. To hold up an entire community on your shoulders is something else entirely. You're holding the sky itself up by the sounds of it and I don't think I could keep going even if someone I held dear said I'm not allowed to. You're an amazing person and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, that includes you yourself.

Thank you so much. I'm just trying to fill Stan's shoes which is absolutely impossible. He is so missed and needed.
@realjunes check your PMs please.

 

[Carina]

I so wanted to comment something other than a hug... but all I could think of is you're so much stronger than I think you and others even realized. But then for you to even post that for others to see takes a great strength in itself.

So how about I'm glad you're here.

 

[Jean4]

I so wanted to comment something other than a hug... but all I could think of is you're so much stronger than I think you and others even realized. But then for you to even post that for others to see takes a great strength in itself.

So how about I'm glad you're here.

Of course. I have to be here to nag you to take your meds. ;)

 

[elizabeth.luck]

Thank you for your contributions here! You are appreciated.

 

[Azzy69]

Aw Jean This will help a lot of people

 

[Green Destiny]

Haven't been around long enough to connect with you Jean but thank you for doing what you do. Take care.

 

[Jean4]

Haven't been around long enough to connect with you Jean but thank you for doing what you do. Take care.

Pleased to meet you and welcome. If you need me I'm here.

 

[ImSoTired]

You've been through so much, I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing, I've learned a lot from your story.

 

[Jean4]

You've been through so much, I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing, I've learned a lot from your story.

You are a newbie. Welcome! I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Thank you, Jean. You are one of the people who has made this a soft place to land.

 

[pandora]

Jean,

I mostly lurk, I admit. But I feel like you are active on every thread I read, constantly offering support, love, and comfort. It's amazing, and inspiring.

To an extent, I relate a lot to your story. I'm not going to go into details, because I'm not ready AND because I don't want to hijack your post. I will say that I served in the military during some pretty brutal situations, and after I got out I worked on the 97th floor of the North Tower until April, 2001. I have my own PTSD from these, and I know I speak for everyone touched by 9/11 when I thank you for your selfless service, and your willingness to put yourself in grave danger to save others. I also feel very triggered, unrooted, and unsafe with recent events and decisions here in the US. It's a hard time to convince oneself to keep waking up in the morning.

Please know that I understand how hard it can be to stay strong for everyone else, and you are welcome to PM me anytime you need to vent. Just as you are here for others, I (and many others) are here for you.

Take care of yourself, my friend.

 

[Jean4]

Jean,

I mostly lurk, I admit. But I feel like you are active on every thread I read, constantly offering support, love, and comfort. It's amazing, and inspiring.

To an extent, I relate a lot to your story. I'm not going to go into details, because I'm not ready AND because I don't want to hijack your post. I will say that I served in the military during some pretty brutal situations, and after I got out I worked on the 97th floor of the North Tower until April, 2001. I have my own PTSD from these, and I know I speak for everyone touched by 9/11 when I thank you for your selfless service, and your willingness to put yourself in grave danger to save others. I also feel very triggered, unrooted, and unsafe with recent events and decisions here in the US. It's a hard time to convince oneself to keep waking up in the morning.

Please know that I understand how hard it can be to stay strong for everyone else, and you are welcome to PM me anytime you need to vent. Just as you are here for others, I (and many others) are here for you.

Take care of yourself, my friend.

Thanks so much for the kind words. PM me if you would like to talk some more. :)

 

[realjunes]

Jean,

I mostly lurk, I admit. But I feel like you are active on every thread I read, constantly offering support, love, and comfort. It's amazing, and inspiring.

To an extent, I relate a lot to your story. I'm not going to go into details, because I'm not ready AND because I don't want to hijack your post. I will say that I served in the military during some pretty brutal situations, and after I got out I worked on the 97th floor of the North Tower until April, 2001. I have my own PTSD from these, and I know I speak for everyone touched by 9/11 when I thank you for your selfless service, and your willingness to put yourself in grave danger to save others. I also feel very triggered, unrooted, and unsafe with recent events and decisions here in the US. It's a hard time to convince oneself to keep waking up in the morning.

Please know that I understand how hard it can be to stay strong for everyone else, and you are welcome to PM me anytime you need to vent. Just as you are here for others, I (and many others) are here for you.

Take care of yourself, my friend.

We thank you, too Pandora. Thanks for un-lurking a minute to pop in and share. Another scary story I'm guessing from another fascinating and useful person. We look forward to meeting and visiting with you on your own time, and if nothing else we will see you lurking in the hallway, peeping in. Welcome to the fray.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Jean4,

I am so sorry for all your pain and suffering. You have been through so much, and my heart goes out to you. I admire you for your courage to share your story, and how you found a way to help people through your suffering. You are an amazing person, and you make a difference in this forum. You are needed here without a doubt. I hope somehow your life will get better, and that you will be able to be happy.

 

[realjunes]

Everybody Breathe. This Is NOT a Goodbye Thread, or a thread that is going to say I am leaving.

There are Trigger Warnings in this post. Heads Up.

This is long. Get popcorn.

As many here know, I am a 9/11 First Responder. Which is particularly the reason why I am here. War vets have an extremely high rate of suicide.

I used to work for the government. Due to my illness, I had to leave my job. However, I still work for the emergency response team for New York, as I am a specialist.

One of my issues, is severe PTSD. Most people know what Trump has been doing (which we won't get into) which has kicked my PTSD to sky high limits yesterday. Yesterday also, I received a call from the Emergency Response Team updating my information and seeing what I would be willing to do in case we are attacked again.

This on top of we are coming up on the month anniversary of Stan's death (can you believe that?)

That was my PTSD push over the edge, and yes. I wanted to die.

What Happens To Jean4 when she is in the midsts of a PTSD attack? (Trigger Warning)

What I have been told by doctors, it is similar to a person who participated in war.

I have visual and audio hallucinations

First I start reliving that day. It is very interesting, I see and actually feel everything that I went through. I see all the death. I see all those suicides.

Second, the audio hallucinations. It can work either way. I hear the screaming or crying. I also hear something people didn't know happened. When we saw someone jump from the window and was falling to their death, there was silence. It was eerie. We all stopped and watched in silence. Out of respect. We then heard the thud. That thud haunts me.

Many of you write me with hallucinations, some command in nature telling them to die. Just yesterday someone who I love dearly wrote me and that was happening to her. She was scared, and didn't want to die and didn't know what to do, and we got through it together. I was so happy to hear she made it through the night and is feeling better today.

I fit into many categories of why I want to CTB, so I do understand what everyone is feeling.

I made a promise to Stan to stay. I made a promise to you, I will stay. Since @Sensei dubbed me Queen of this forum, and we now have a whole court of CTBRS under me, I have no choice.

However, I am human as much as I hate to say. I am also an impulsive CTB. The voices telling me I want to die, and images would push anybody over the edge. I can't think of anyone who could get through that without help.

What did I do to not CTB?

I have two doctors who are absolutely amazing (I am very lucky and blessed to have them.). A primary care physician (from Russia) and my pulmonologist (from India). I am giving their nationalities because in Trump's America, these two amazing doctors would probably not be allowed in my country.

Anyway, I put in an emergency call to my Pulmonologist. I chose him to call instead of my PCP because she is an Orthodox Jew, and even though I know she would call me back, I didn't want to bother her.

When he called me back, honestly, I was out of my mind. Before he called, I am sure all my hallucinations people can relate, I was sitting with my hands over my ears screaming trying to get the voices to stop.

The first thing he heard when he called was me screaming at him that I want to die.

Most doctors would have called emergency services. Honestly, I would have also. He didn't because he knows me. Instead, he increased my meds and stayed with me until they kicked in.

After I was calmer and active suicidal state, I did what Stan told me to do if something like this happened. Put on the nightgown he gave me, get into bed, and think of him. Of course, I went to his wall to talk to him.

Even in the worse states imaginable, if you aren't ready to CTB you can get out of it. I wanted to yesterday. More than anything. But there was also that small sliver that I could not see which wasn't ready.

On a side note. One of the most wonderful things that came from this is that @realjunes, who knows my situation (and is in a very bad frame of mind himself right now) saw what was happening in the world, knew it may affect me, and checked to see how I was. I have never had someone think of me and my well being. Another first for me, and I am eternally grateful to my partner in crime.

Which is one of the reasons why I pop in on some of you with messages or asking if you are ok. Sometimes it's nice, even if you are in a depression, to know someone is thinking about you, you matter and cares. Again, something I personally never had, and maybe if I did, I wouldn't be here.

No. I'm not trying to stop you. If you choose to continue, I will always hold your hand if you need me to til the end.

I am just showing you that if there is any doubt you are not ready, no matter how bad it is, one may be able to fight your way out of it.

For those against psych meds and therapy. It may not be for you. Medical treatment isn't a one size fits all and to say a particular treatment is 100 percent horrible is wrong, and in my opinion truthfully dangerous. If I did not take psych medications yesterday (and medical marijuana) that my doctor told me to take, I would be dead.

My opinion as far as therapy. I personally do not see a therapist, because that is what I am. I honestly have found nobody as good as me, and I have 100 percent insight into my illnesses and know what medications will work for me. I am being factual, not egotistical. ;)

What Will Jean Do When This Happens Again?

What works for me (and everybody is different)

First, it is comforting to me to write on Stan's wall... and I am so thankful for that post.

Second, for all you animal lovers. I get my cat. My world and life, and I can't leave him.

Third, I call my doctor if necessary and listen to them, taking meds if necessary.

Fourth, I may pop up on your wall out of the blue or send a PM asking if you are ok. Making sure you are ok, keeps me grounded. Yup. I am one of those who puts everybody before herself.

Fifth, I look at all the drawings, poems, songs, and writings you gave me. You are all so amazing and talented!

Thanks for listening to my ramble. Just know. I understand what you are all going through. PTSD, Mental Illness, Medical Issues, sexual abuse, finances, loneliness (no family of friends) and the most recent Stan who CTB. Been there. Done that. Did I leave anything out lol?

I get it, and am here for you. Hopefully, my experience can help others.

As I say every day when I wake up. I am here today. I can't promise about tomorrow. At night when I say my goodnight to Stan, I tell him I made it through the day.

Do I want to die? 24/7, but at this second it is manageable. I cannot say what the next second will bring, which is why I don't take the good seconds for granted.

If you are stressed. Anxious, hearing voices, or are just scared, reach out for help. I'm always here. No need to be shy writing me. This board is absolutely amazing, and there is always someone around who will not judge you.

Again. Thanks for listening. Hopefully this will help someone feel not as alone and someone is also going through it. I'm always here if you need me, or need someone to talk to... or just listen.

Lots of love everyone

Thanks for your insight to provide others.

 

[exhausted]

Well done for getting through such a horrific experience.

 

[Holacanthus]

I'll dox myself a little by saying I'm a New Yorker too. I remember 9/11, but I was a bystander. My path didn't take me downtown that day. When I think about what the first responders did, it's beyond words. It's heroism and it hurts me to think about it.

So @Jean4, you're a hero. And I'm sorry you had to go through that yesterday.