I
Intelligent_Lobster
I knew taking this picture would come in handy
- Mar 30, 2019
- 92
I feel like I'm just constantly living in a state of psychosis. It crept up on me two years ago, and never went away.
Anyone else?
Anyone else?
I was diagnosed earlier this year and been bipolar 22 years. Have you been diagnosed and what treatment are you on?I feel like I'm just constantly living in a state of psychosis. It crept up on me two years ago, and never went away.
Anyone else?
I will ask again, even though I don't hope for a meaningful answer, but what am I to lose, right?
So... what is psychosis?
I'm not on anything, although I probably should look into it.I was diagnosed earlier this year and been bipolar 22 years. Have you been diagnosed and what treatment are you on?
It's very intense. I'd love to do a podcast about that kind of stuff one day, but my mind is too foggy right nowI had a brief psychotic break this past summer. Scary stuff.
This is a good way to put it I believe.I don't know .
My guess is , a significant inability to process and share in culturally accepted models of reality .
( everything from your identity , personal responsibiliteies , day to day self care , ).
Reality becomes defined by the mind's projections rather than a 'relationship' of the mind/individual with
said 'communally accepted ' reality .
The social component is under valued I think.
almost as if , when society doesn't seem to 'fit' , it triggers a reliance and belief in an alternative version of
reality ?
( Being part of society seems un-real because it seems less authentic than the mind's construct.)
I had a phase 15 years ago where I knew I was in a 'different zone' .
I would term it a 'nervous breakdown ' .. it manifested in converting to a religion via
a work 'boss' who I sought advice from after suffering a trigger ing romantic failure .
( I later processed this as a failure of my self built core belief system .
A belief in 'the other ' , potential romantic partner who would 'save my world' - a reasonably
common 'fetish' that people use to build their character structure to endure life . )
I'm just shooting the breeze on a coffee overload .
Maybe some others will weigh in .
The way it's mostly presented with me is like living trhought situations inside my head. It can feel like hours but it only takes seconds in real time. There is no difference in what happend in that psyhosis and what i did like 5 min/days ago, both feel real the same as i try to go back with memories. When i'm in this world of situations i know they are not real, but it feels like it is. Like planning to kill someone if he desides to kill me first, long before he even starts making that desigion. Long before i even deside to make a meeting. Everyone is alive, but still have this face full of agression, and nobody wants to kill me actually. It's a psyhosis and at least i know it.
Or like meeting a gril in a bar if i ask myself "why not chat with her a little", i'm entered into a world of any kind of done conversations with her in the milisecond. The sad part is that if i go to chat with her i know what will happen. I mean almost every single world that she or i would say corespond to variants in my psyhosis. Tested it in real life. It's not even necessary to be about me. I got old friends calling me back after a date, telling me "How the f*ck you knew all that details you told me before it". I'm so bored with normal.
I look at this stuff as calculations of possible outcomes triggered by very small actions in the long run. Big part of the way my psyhosis works is to predict bad and terrible outcomes, that happen because of small things. Must say lots of shit happens because of "small" desigions and actions in real life anyway.
It can work in a positive way too, like how to make money. My head starts to be like microwave with popcorns popping out.
I have some tries with psychologists. I always end up quiting from that. What i thing about my conditions - PTSD for sure, mostly done by myslef, bipolar 2 or 1/i'm not sure/, combined with osdd/1b /meseed up with memories and recognising people/. Some many little tings in my brain that appeared on the scanner too. Never went to a mental hospital, only my wife considers that i might have some mental disorders, she likes it.I'm sorry about the way you feel. Do you have a diagnosis? I often think a lot about having to kill them first before they kill me. I feel this way more strongly when I'm with someone who's close to me. I feel this way for random people too but only very weakly. I want to build normal relationships with other people but it's hard when they get more close to me I have to think more about killing them. And I probably wouldn't unless they are extremely close to me, like people I love or people I'm used to be in love with.
Actually I've seen someone who might suffer from a condition somewhat similar to yours when I was hospitalized in a psych ward. She was financially successful but it seemed like her life was continuously being ruined by her conditions. Again, I'm really sorry about what you are going through.