Have any of you ever experienced it? I never knew what it is until I was in the throes of a crystal meth addiction. For the first year or so, I was smoking the stuff, but as time went on, I started injecting it, and that's when the delusions and hallucinations first started. At first, it was a sensation of being watched or followed, but then I actually started seeing things - ordinary looking people, who look like us, except that they were opaque or transparent. At first, I was scared, but gradually I became comfortable with the notion that they had been there all along, but only then was I actually sensing their presence.
Over a period of about a year, I came to believe that these people were beings from another dimension - a parallel universe - who were made of light rather than flesh and blood. This explained why I could see through them. My delusional thinking led me to believe that they were appearing to me because they had chosen me - yes, me, out of all the people on earth - to serve as their messenger to my fellow humans that another dimension existed and that it was populated by beings who wanted us to know that they exist. For what reason, I was never able to work out. But in my deluded mind, I figured that the only way to find out was to keep using meth so that I could somehow access the portal to their dimension. Over time, I became very distraught because while I felt that it was an enormous honor to have been chosen, it was also a great burden to have to bear alone.
Whenever I tried to explain to friends what it is that I was seeing, nobody believed me. Of course, I never exactly came out and said that I was using meth as a means of tapping into this other world, but people knew that something was going on with me. I wish I had been more forthcoming, because then I think somebody would have pulled me aside and had a serious talk with me. But I persisted in my belief, convinced that if I could only follow the clues that were being laid out for me, that eventually I would succeed. This usually involved me going out in public while I was tweaking in search of where I might find them. On many occasions, this resulted in a stranger calling me out for my sketchy behavior or somebody actually calling the cops. Over a period of nearly two years, I had 20 encounters with the police that resulted in me being sent to the hospital on eight occasions for a psych evaluation. You would think that I would have learned, but I was stubborn to get to the bottom of what it was that I was seeing, hearing, and just in general sensing.
Of course, as these things go, it all eventually came crashing down when I hit rock bottom and got arrested. I may elaborate on that incident in another post, but this is what led to me getting into therapy and becoming sober. At first, I was adamant with my new therapist that what I had experienced was indeed real. However, as the the effects of the meth wore off, I slowly began to realize the utter folly of my delusional thinking. To this day, it is still unreal to me that I had actually gone so far off the rails when a simple internet search would have confirmed that psychosis is a fairly common side effect of methamphetamine abuse. It was a lesson very hard learned.
So, the takeaway is that crystal meth is truly evil and there are very good reasons why it is called the devil's drug. You can get hooked the very first time you use it, as I did, and even though you might think you can manage your use, believe me when I tell you that it will ensnare you as it did me and countless others. The dangers are even greater when you go from smoking it to injecting it, something I never thought I would do because I had always hated needles. It was my undoing, as I've stated in other posts. I've lost everything, so take my word when I tell you that nothing good can come of it. If only I had seen the signs of danger flashing along the way, but I was blind in the depths of my psychosis.
Over a period of about a year, I came to believe that these people were beings from another dimension - a parallel universe - who were made of light rather than flesh and blood. This explained why I could see through them. My delusional thinking led me to believe that they were appearing to me because they had chosen me - yes, me, out of all the people on earth - to serve as their messenger to my fellow humans that another dimension existed and that it was populated by beings who wanted us to know that they exist. For what reason, I was never able to work out. But in my deluded mind, I figured that the only way to find out was to keep using meth so that I could somehow access the portal to their dimension. Over time, I became very distraught because while I felt that it was an enormous honor to have been chosen, it was also a great burden to have to bear alone.
Whenever I tried to explain to friends what it is that I was seeing, nobody believed me. Of course, I never exactly came out and said that I was using meth as a means of tapping into this other world, but people knew that something was going on with me. I wish I had been more forthcoming, because then I think somebody would have pulled me aside and had a serious talk with me. But I persisted in my belief, convinced that if I could only follow the clues that were being laid out for me, that eventually I would succeed. This usually involved me going out in public while I was tweaking in search of where I might find them. On many occasions, this resulted in a stranger calling me out for my sketchy behavior or somebody actually calling the cops. Over a period of nearly two years, I had 20 encounters with the police that resulted in me being sent to the hospital on eight occasions for a psych evaluation. You would think that I would have learned, but I was stubborn to get to the bottom of what it was that I was seeing, hearing, and just in general sensing.
Of course, as these things go, it all eventually came crashing down when I hit rock bottom and got arrested. I may elaborate on that incident in another post, but this is what led to me getting into therapy and becoming sober. At first, I was adamant with my new therapist that what I had experienced was indeed real. However, as the the effects of the meth wore off, I slowly began to realize the utter folly of my delusional thinking. To this day, it is still unreal to me that I had actually gone so far off the rails when a simple internet search would have confirmed that psychosis is a fairly common side effect of methamphetamine abuse. It was a lesson very hard learned.
So, the takeaway is that crystal meth is truly evil and there are very good reasons why it is called the devil's drug. You can get hooked the very first time you use it, as I did, and even though you might think you can manage your use, believe me when I tell you that it will ensnare you as it did me and countless others. The dangers are even greater when you go from smoking it to injecting it, something I never thought I would do because I had always hated needles. It was my undoing, as I've stated in other posts. I've lost everything, so take my word when I tell you that nothing good can come of it. If only I had seen the signs of danger flashing along the way, but I was blind in the depths of my psychosis.
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