Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
You may know I'm dying of ALS. What I haven't disclosed until now is my 2-week stint in the Psych Ward after I was diagnosed. This is why I'm so hyper-sensitive to people's possible failed attempts that land them in the Psych Ward.

Everyone talks about failed attempts rendering them a vegetable, but the equally terrifying prospect is ending up in the Psych Ward. At least if you're a vegetable you wouldn't know you're in the Psych Ward.

The shitter for me is that I didn't consciously attempt to end my life when I was first diagnosed. I had a complete nervous breakdown and literally could not eat (it wasn't a choice) for about 4 months, which caused me to fall unconscious and be rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital I was diagnosed with Wernickes Encephalopathy from malnutrition and a feeding tube was inserted (without my or my husband's knowledge/consent.) Immediately afterwards (again without my or my husband's knowledge/consent), I was transferred to the Psych Ward because my not eating was deemed a suicide attempt, and that set the hospital's suicide protocol in motion.

To say that those 2-weeks in Psych until my ALS Dr. could get me out were pure, unadulterated hell is a gross understatement. I share this story to create awareness that things can happen that are totally beyond your control, whether you "meant" to do something or not.

My intent is to never end up in any hospital, or Psych Ward, ever again. And in 2 weeks I will take my meto & chug my N like a big girl to ensure that I don't. Failure is not an option.
 
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wendydong1

Experienced
Jul 31, 2019
295
Man , you have been through a lot... I don't know what to say . Except thoughts and prayers
 
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Trainwreck

Trainwreck

Student
Sep 11, 2019
196
That's awful! I'm sorry you had to go through that. You would think doctors would be a little more empathetic that you were going through an incredibly stressful time.

My parents are aware of my wishes to not have a feeding tube (I'm underweight due to a couple GI diseases), and I'm pretty confident they would fight for my wishes (I have a living will as well). But you just can't count on doctors not going all "holier than though" and doing whatever they want to you.
 
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gingerplum

gingerplum

Enlightened
Nov 5, 2018
1,450
Oh, Blackjack, that is awful. The worst. I'm betting you had good insurance, otherwise they would've hustled you out the door after the mandatory 72 hr stay... not to say that you should've been held for even 72 hrs. You should not have been there at all.

It's inexcusable that this was done to you, but frankly I'm not surprised. There's essentially no oversight or patient advocacy in psych units, and as a result a LOT of abuses happen.

I'm sure nothing will go wrong, but if it did you could always state that you must've accidentally OD'ed on your own pain meds & benzos. There's no way they would order a pentobarbital level unless you have a seizure order and routinely take phenobarbital.
 
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Dawn0071111

Dawn0071111

Hungry Ghost
Dec 9, 2018
570
Holy Shit!!!! You have been though hell honey. I am so sorry that while you should have been in comfort for your condition you were put into one of the most horrible places on earth.... Psych wards exsist was a damn suicide deterrent or gives one inspiration not to fail. I know for me, my biggest fear is not veggie or being disabled but that damn unit. Loss of freedom and control is the worst of all... Please keep us posted on your journey. it is my personal hope that if you choose to board the bus that your time will be full of as much goodness as possible.

Love and huggzzz
 
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Trainwreck

Trainwreck

Student
Sep 11, 2019
196
It's inexcusable that this was done to you, but frankly I'm not surprised. There's essentially no oversight or patient advocacy in psych units, and as a result a LOT of abuses happen.

Does it help at all if you have someone, like a parent or spouse, to advocate for you?
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
That is yet another piece of evidence that governments are tyrannical they will lock us up without our consent and they will use all kinds of euphemisms to justify their actions
Involuntary comitted = kidnapping
arrested = kidnapping
and they are forcing a tube down your throat without your consent to keep you alive is just torture and insanity in my eyes just looking at it objectively is completely insane to think about that we are born without consent and are LITERALLY forced to be alive and no better example than these government workers forcing a tube down your throat because that heart has to keep beating no matter what these tyrannical people will keep humans alive no matter what even as a vegetable because as long as the heart beats it´s a win in their eyes.

Sorry for my vent I just get so extremely angry and sad by the state of this world with all this evil and of course the person doing an evil act never think they are evil they think they are doing good.
 
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Trainwreck

Trainwreck

Student
Sep 11, 2019
196
I now know I will not leave a note behind in an easily found spot. If I get unfortunately "rescued" I will deny everything. I suppose that's easier said than done if you're blue. It's kind of making me reconsider SN, I might have to relook at getting N after all.
 
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F

falconeyes

Member
Sep 27, 2019
80
Don't you have the right to refer your medical reports to another doctor outside the hospital, for taking a second opinion?
 
Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
Don't you have the right to refer your medical reports to another doctor outside the hospital, for taking a second opinion?

For taking a second opinion about what?
 
sleepy dog

sleepy dog

Wizard
Sep 13, 2019
624
Blackjack, from that I assume you live in the USA?
 
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D

Deleted member 1465

_
Jul 31, 2018
6,914
Sorry to hear about your ordeal. It's a terrible prospect I worry I may face something similar. It's tragic, you can't eat so that's deemed a suicide attempt.
 
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Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
Blackjack, from that I assume you live in the USA?

Yes
Does it help at all if you have someone, like a parent or spouse, to advocate for you?

My husband raised hell and they didn't care.

That is yet another piece of evidence that governments are tyrannical they will lock us up without our consent and they will use all kinds of euphemisms to justify their actions
Involuntary comitted = kidnapping
arrested = kidnapping
and they are forcing a tube down your throat without your consent to keep you alive is just torture and insanity in my eyes just looking at it objectively is completely insane to think about that we are born without consent and are LITERALLY forced to be alive and no better example than these government workers forcing a tube down your throat because that heart has to keep beating no matter what these tyrannical people will keep humans alive no matter what even as a vegetable because as long as the heart beats it´s a win in their eyes.

Sorry for my vent I just get so extremely angry and sad by the state of this world with all this evil and of course the person doing an evil act never think they are evil they think they are doing good.

If you're not pissed, you're not paying attention!
 
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RightToExit

Member
Sep 25, 2019
68
I now know I will not leave a note behind in an easily found spot. If I get unfortunately "rescued" I will deny everything. I suppose that's easier said than done if you're blue. It's kind of making me reconsider SN, I might have to relook at getting N after all.
For me, it's the opposite. SN is legal and so no criminal action can be taken against me. That means, if they save me, I'll be out in a reasonable time scale.

I will state very clearly in my DNR that I don't consent to any life-prolonging action and that any life-prolonging action will be met with severe repercussions for the involved individuals.

And when I'm out, I will actually implement said repercussions, legally or otherwise.

(If they just find you unconscious, they will assume you would condone them trying to save you.)

Edit: They say N can leave you with green lips. It's not like you can make it look like an accident.
 
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Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
Blackjack, from that I assume you live in the USA?

Why, is my ordeal only something that happens in the U.S.?
Sorry to hear about your ordeal. It's a terrible prospect I worry I may face something similar. It's tragic, you can't eat so that's deemed a suicide attempt.

I tried explaining that it wasn't a conscious choice to not eat, but rather a result of my nervous breakdown about my diagnosis that destroyed my appetite. They didn't care.
For me, it's the opposite. SN is legal and so no criminal action can be taken against me. That means, if they save me, I'll be out in a reasonable time scale.

Blackjack: It's not a crime to attempt suicide so how could legal action be taken against you? What you need to be worried about is if your attempt fails and they deem you suicidal and throw you in the Psych Ward. You have no say in that!


I will state very clearly in my DNR that I don't consent to any life-prolonging action and that any life-prolonging action will be met with severe repercussions for the involved individuals.

And when I'm out, I will actually implement said repercussions, legally or otherwise.

(If they just find you unconscious, they will assume you would condone them trying to save you.)

Blackjack: I didn't have a DNR when this happened because I wasn't trying to kill myself. Now I do.


Edit: They say N can leave you with green lips. It's not like you can make it look like an accident.

Blackjack: I'm not trying to make it look like an accident. If/when they autopsy me (even though I have specified in my DNR that I do not want one), the N will obviously be revealed. Not ideal for my family, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
 
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R

RightToExit

Member
Sep 25, 2019
68
Blackjack: It's not a crime to attempt suicide so how could legal action be taken against you? What you need to be worried about is if your attempt fails and they deem you suicidal and throw you in the Psych Ward. You have no say in that!

Blackjack: I'm not trying to make it look like an accident. If/when they autopsy me (even though I have specified in my DNR that I do not want one), the N will obviously be revealed. Not ideal for my family, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Attempting suicide is not a crime, but possessing N without legal permission is, with up to 5 years in jail here in Germany. That's why I'll either go to Peru/Mexico or use SN here. If I end up in a psych ward, I'll wear my perfect mask, clench my ass cheeks and bide my time until I'm out. Then I'll plan my revenge, legally if possible, illegally if not.

I'll be very honest about my suicidality and will be very clear that I don't consent to any forced interference. I will always frame it as a human rights issue. This way, if they violate my rights anyway and I'll implement my revenge, I will know I gave them a fair chance to recognize that they are acting against my will. If you leave no note, like Trainwreck plans, and they find you unconscious, you can't blame them for intervening; after all, most people would want to be saved if found unconscious.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
If you're not pissed, you're not paying attention!
Exactly but most people aren´t pissed because they think all the political words make the things government do right but to me I easily spot the words they use as euphemisms. People are so blind they think just because something is legal that makes it morally right but legality has nothing to do with what is right we have seen that all throughout history where in extreme cases government made genocides.

Other euphemisms people never think about is
seized/confiscated are just nicer words for stealing/robbing people the same with taxes no one ever consented to it yet we are forced to pay or we will be arrested/kidnapped by armed men (police) and if we fight back because these armed thugs (police) are trying to kidnap us and ruin our lives they will pull out their guns and shoot us dead.

This is also why I get extremely angry every time I see on the news how "police have seized 1 ton of cocaine" they didn´t "seize" anything they stole it, just because the politicians don´t want people to use drugs they have their army of police and military to enforce their will upon millions of people. Or in your case how they want to control your life just because it´s what they think is right so they force their will upon you to get it their way if that is not tyrannical I don´t know what is.

Again sorry for my rant I can´t help to get angry when I think about how little freedom we actually have and how people will actually defend their oppressors just because the every day citizen is too stupid to see that the only difference between doing anything legal or illegal is whether you work for the government or not.
 
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RightToExit

Member
Sep 25, 2019
68
Exactly but most people aren´t pissed because they think all the political words make the things government do right but to me I easily spot the words they use as euphemisms. People are so blind they think just because something is legal that makes it morally right but legality has nothing to do with what is right we have seen that all throughout history where in extreme cases government made genocides.

Other euphemisms people never think about is
seized/confiscated are just nicer words for stealing/robbing people the same with taxes no one ever consented to it yet we are forced to pay or we will be arrested/kidnapped by armed men (police) and if we fight back because these armed thugs (police) are trying to kidnap us and ruin our lives they will pull out their guns and shoot us dead.

This is also why I get extremely angry every time I see on the news how "police have seized 1 ton of cocaine" they didn´t "seize" anything they stole it, just because the politicians don´t want people to use drugs they have their army of police and military to enforce their will upon millions of people.

Again sorry for my rant I can´t help to get angry when I think about how little freedom we actually have and how people will actually defend their oppressors just because the every day citizen is too stupid to see that the only difference between doing anything legal or illegal is whether you work for the government or not.

I fully agree, but I also recognize police are doing important work also; without some form of law, there would be a power vacuum and all kinds of criminal hierarchies would take over, which would then also enslave and steal from us. Laws have an important coordination function, taxes are a necessary evil to some degree. I'm just really disappointed that so many laws are so bad.
 
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Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
Attempting suicide is not a crime, but possessing N without legal permission is, with up to 5 years in jail here in Germany. That's why I'll either go to Peru/Mexico or use SN here. If I end up in a psych ward, I'll wear my perfect mask, clench my ass cheeks and bide my time until I'm out. Then I'll plan my revenge, legally if possible, illegally if not.

I'll be very honest about my suicidality and will be very clear that I don't consent to any forced interference. I will always frame it as a human rights issue. This way, if they violate my rights anyway and I'll implement my revenge, I will know I gave them a fair chance to recognize that they are acting against my will. If you leave no note, like Trainwreck plans, and they find you unconscious, you can't blame them for intervening; after all, most people would want to be saved if found unconscious.

Well let's hope your plan works so you don't have to waste your time, energy & money on revenge.
 
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S

snowball

Member
Sep 27, 2019
25
What a great Lady Blackjack is. She is indeed a big girl. I send her a Kiss.
 
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justanotherday

Specialist
Jul 22, 2019
397
Also, a stay in a psych. ward will also leave one in debt, to top all else off. Back when I was put there for just a short while after a failed attempt, I had a huge bill from it . It was like $8000 dollars was what was leftover from what my insurance would not pay. So, I left there even more depressed than ever. I failed in my attempt, and then I had debt! The whole thing just screws you up.
 
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Ky204

Ky204

Member
Sep 3, 2019
97
You may know I'm dying of ALS. What I haven't disclosed until now is my 2-week stint in the Psych Ward after I was diagnosed. This is why I'm so hyper-sensitive to people's possible failed attempts that land them in the Psych Ward.

Everyone talks about failed attempts rendering them a vegetable, but the equally terrifying prospect is ending up in the Psych Ward. At least if you're a vegetable you wouldn't know you're in the Psych Ward.

The shitter for me is that I didn't consciously attempt to end my life when I was first diagnosed. I had a complete nervous breakdown and literally could not eat (it wasn't a choice) for about 4 months, which caused me to fall unconscious and be rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital I was diagnosed with Wernickes Encephalopathy from malnutrition and a feeding tube was inserted (without my or my husband's knowledge/consent.) Immediately afterwards (again without my or my husband's knowledge/consent), I was transferred to the Psych Ward because my not eating was deemed a suicide attempt, and that set the hospital's suicide protocol in motion.

To say that those 2-weeks in Psych until my ALS Dr. could get me out were pure, unadulterated hell is a gross understatement. I share this story to create awareness that things can happen that are totally beyond your control, whether you "meant" to do something or not.

My intent is to never end up in any hospital, or Psych Ward, ever again. And in 2 weeks I will take my meto & chug my N like a big girl to ensure that I don't. Failure is not an option.
You're a lot stronger than me for making it this far. Sending you all the love♥️
 
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J

justanotherday

Specialist
Jul 22, 2019
397
You may know I'm dying of ALS. What I haven't disclosed until now is my 2-week stint in the Psych Ward after I was diagnosed. This is why I'm so hyper-sensitive to people's possible failed attempts that land them in the Psych Ward.

Everyone talks about failed attempts rendering them a vegetable, but the equally terrifying prospect is ending up in the Psych Ward. At least if you're a vegetable you wouldn't know you're in the Psych Ward.

The shitter for me is that I didn't consciously attempt to end my life when I was first diagnosed. I had a complete nervous breakdown and literally could not eat (it wasn't a choice) for about 4 months, which caused me to fall unconscious and be rushed to the hospital. While in the hospital I was diagnosed with Wernickes Encephalopathy from malnutrition and a feeding tube was inserted (without my or my husband's knowledge/consent.) Immediately afterwards (again without my or my husband's knowledge/consent), I was transferred to the Psych Ward because my not eating was deemed a suicide attempt, and that set the hospital's suicide protocol in motion.

To say that those 2-weeks in Psych until my ALS Dr. could get me out were pure, unadulterated hell is a gross understatement. I share this story to create awareness that things can happen that are totally beyond your control, whether you "meant" to do something or not.

My intent is to never end up in any hospital, or Psych Ward, ever again. And in 2 weeks I will take my meto & chug my N like a big girl to ensure that I don't. Failure is not an option.
I am so sorry that you have this and for what you are going through.
I am so sorry that you have this and for what you are going through.
I do remember reading that you were diagnosed with this.
 
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RightToExit

Member
Sep 25, 2019
68
Also, a stay in a psych. ward will also leave one in debt, to top all else off. Back when I was put there for just a short while after a failed attempt, I had a huge bill from it . It was like $8000 dollars was what was leftover from what my insurance would not pay. So, I left there even more depressed than ever. I failed in my attempt, and then I had debt! The whole thing just screws you up.

Totally unjust and nonsensical laws. You're forced to pay for your own nonconsensual kidnapping. Absurd.
 
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Martyn

Martyn

Smithy
Feb 14, 2019
82
I'm in a mental hospital now was locked in a padded room for 4 hours treated like a criminal just because I hate life
 
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Boochky

Boochky

Fat, bipolar, and hairy. (Sorry boys, I’m taken.)
Feb 23, 2019
334
@Blackjack What state are you in? We get a booklet with our rights and access to advocates. Committals can be challenged in court. If they were smart, they would have just given you Zyprexa. Hunger would not have been a problem. That's unbelievable and I'm so sorry you had to endure that on top of everything else. You'll sleep soon, sweet princess.
 
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Blackjack

Blackjack

I’ll be watching...
Aug 6, 2019
777
@Blackjack What state are you in? We get a booklet with our rights and access to advocates. Committals can be challenged in court. If they were smart, they would have just given you Zyprexa. Hunger would not have been a problem. That's unbelievable and I'm so sorry you had to endure that on top of everything else. You'll sleep soon, sweet princess.

TX
You're a lot stronger than me for making it this far. Sending you all the love♥️

I'm about tapped out now.
 
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JimFord99

JimFord99

Enlightened
Aug 18, 2019
1,047
This is bad, BlackJack. Just proves how a health and care system can fail you. My sympathy is with you, knowing it won't help you.
 
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