I don't have the energy or will to go on living anymore. I'm too disoriented and tired and confused by this world. I can never tell right from wrong, or good from bad, and somehow I always end up doing the bad. I tried to find goodness and purpose and meaning in life, but I couldn't. I feel I don't belong here and that I have rarely belonged somewhere in my life. It is too much pain to always feel this way, as if my existence were a mistake. To the people who would judge me I'd say it doesn't seem fair to expect someone to live such a life.
Maybe I'm just broken inside, and there's just something fundamentally wrong with me. Or maybe something is fundamentally wrong with the world. Maybe it's both. But any of these realities is enough to make life not worth living for me.
There is a lot of goodness and beauty in the world which I'll miss, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be enough to compensate for all the pain and loneliness which I've felt for a very long time.
I want to say sorry to my parents.
Sorry also to P for reacting so badly and saying such bad things to you, I was confused.
I wish I could keep going on because there are many things I still like about the world. If I could, I would, but I can't — everything seems to tell me it's the end for me.
I tried to put some careful thought into this note and to say everything I needed to, but likely this is not really possible. I'm sure there are many things I've left out and others I might decide to omit if I were to reflect on it longer. In the end I can only make a vague guess about what went wrong with my life and can only make a small gesture of apology to the people I've hurt. I don't expect to be able to accomplish much with this note but hopefully a little.
I hope I'll find peace in death and that I won't be judged too harshly. I did my best. I don't have any anger or resentment towards the world. I just want to be allowed to rest. Often I've felt like a superfluous person and a big inconvenience to others, so I'm trying to get out of the way. I don't want to live my life as the world's dead weight. I don't wish to hurt anyone with this, I just want to stop burdening them. That's why I ask that I not be judged too harshly, though obviously I can only ask.
Maybe I'm just broken inside, and there's just something fundamentally wrong with me. Or maybe something is fundamentally wrong with the world. Maybe it's both. But any of these realities is enough to make life not worth living for me.
There is a lot of goodness and beauty in the world which I'll miss, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be enough to compensate for all the pain and loneliness which I've felt for a very long time.
I want to say sorry to my parents.
Sorry also to P for reacting so badly and saying such bad things to you, I was confused.
I wish I could keep going on because there are many things I still like about the world. If I could, I would, but I can't — everything seems to tell me it's the end for me.
I tried to put some careful thought into this note and to say everything I needed to, but likely this is not really possible. I'm sure there are many things I've left out and others I might decide to omit if I were to reflect on it longer. In the end I can only make a vague guess about what went wrong with my life and can only make a small gesture of apology to the people I've hurt. I don't expect to be able to accomplish much with this note but hopefully a little.
I hope I'll find peace in death and that I won't be judged too harshly. I did my best. I don't have any anger or resentment towards the world. I just want to be allowed to rest. Often I've felt like a superfluous person and a big inconvenience to others, so I'm trying to get out of the way. I don't want to live my life as the world's dead weight. I don't wish to hurt anyone with this, I just want to stop burdening them. That's why I ask that I not be judged too harshly, though obviously I can only ask.
