Afterglow
Grieving a life I never had.
- Feb 22, 2025
- 293
They promoted me at work. New title, slightly better pay, a lot more responsibility. Everyone keeps congratulating me.
I feel like a switch was supposed to flip in my brain to make me happy to be alive.
It didn't.
Nothing fundamentally changed. I still wake up exhausted. I still dread going in. I still spend my days absorbing stress like it's my actual job description. Apparently the reward for surviving long enough is just… more expectations.
I keep waiting for the part where this is motivating. Where I feel accomplished. Where I look at the promotion and think, okay, maybe this was worth it. Instead it just feels like a heavier weight was added onto my chest.
"Success" doesn't cancel out emptiness. A better position doesn't fix whatever is wrong in my head. All it proves is that I can keep functioning while feeling like this, which is somehow worse.
I feel like a switch was supposed to flip in my brain to make me happy to be alive.
It didn't.
Nothing fundamentally changed. I still wake up exhausted. I still dread going in. I still spend my days absorbing stress like it's my actual job description. Apparently the reward for surviving long enough is just… more expectations.
I keep waiting for the part where this is motivating. Where I feel accomplished. Where I look at the promotion and think, okay, maybe this was worth it. Instead it just feels like a heavier weight was added onto my chest.
"Success" doesn't cancel out emptiness. A better position doesn't fix whatever is wrong in my head. All it proves is that I can keep functioning while feeling like this, which is somehow worse.
