"Promise me you won't commit suicide"

[Manaaja]

I've been feeling really bad, sad and suicidal lately, and today I was supposed to have my weekly social worker meeting, but at the last second she suddenly changed the time from 3pm to 1pm, and of course it didn't work for me, so she cancelled the meeting. (It was a meeting where she comes to visit me at my home.) I then had a phone call with her and told her I'm depressed and suicidal (stupid, but I'm just so tired and exhausted and can't give a shit about anything anymore), because deep in my heart I hoped she would cancel the cancellation, agree to have a meeting with me after all, and rush to help me. (Stupid of me to hope so, I know, but I'm not mentally well today).

Instead of coming to see me, she started to repeat on phone "Promise me you won't commit suicide! Promise! Promise!". I asked her "What does promising help?", and I explained to her that if I promised I'll be rich someday, it wouldn't mean that I'd automatically become rich overnight. She told me that if I promise to her that I won't do a suicide, it'll mean that I won't do a suicide. I asked her "How does that even work?" and told her I've already promised to not to commit suicide to multiple people and that it hasn't helped at all. And she said something really low IQ and illogical. Something like "When you promise someone you won't commit a suicide, you stop wanting to commit a suicide." I tried to explain to her that whether or not I do a suicide isn't fully in my hands (for example, LGBT kids have committed suicides just because their parents hated them and threw them out of house, and adults have committed suicides because of bankrupts and homelessness), but of course she couldn't understand and just ordered me to stop being suicidal as if being suicidal was a choice. Then she told me to call 911 and ended the phone call. Funny, how she didn't come here to check whether or not I have a rope around my neck or whether I just drank poison. Funny how she didn't call 911. If I ctb this weekend, it'll be partly her fault for not caring more. Also, how the hell does one call 911 after roping, jumping of a cliff, drinking N or shooting their face off?

This wasn't the first time a social worker has started to blather "Promise me you won't commit a suicide! You have to promise me!". I hate it! C'mon, a hug and "I'm sorry your life is horrible. You don't deserve to suffer so. Tell me if there's anything I can do to help you." would be more effective in preventing suicides than anything they say now.

 

[LivingToLong]

You can't order some to stop being suicidal. That's just silly - especially from a social worker.

It sounds to me that they were more concerned about themselves than they were of you. They were protecting themselves, perhaps from their own feelings of guilt at having cancelled the appointment and the effect that would have on you. Maybe she did feel guilty about cancelling the appointment, perhaps she knew how much it meant to you, maybe she didn't really want to cancel but had to for some reason. She could have handled it better though.

Maybe you could talk to her about it next time you see her.

I feel sorry for social workers and carers sometimes. It must be such a hard job, so tiring. They have to take everyone else's pain as a part of their job and there must be times where they think 'enough'.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling friend, it sounds like you're in a dark place.
It must have been hard to have squared this situation with the social worker.
For them the possibility of making the appointment with you was now out of the question but they were caught between this and genuinely wanting to be there for you.
It seems like they've not explained well how they wanted to help but at least wanted to do something and didn't have the faculties to manage that situation.
That's a bit of a rubbish outcome for all involved.
Peace friend
DBD

 

[Redrock]

When you are really ready to do it, no one can help you anymore.

 

[ProlongedSentence]

I've been feeling really bad, sad and suicidal lately, and today I was supposed to have my weekly social worker meeting, but at the last second she suddenly changed the time from 3pm to 1pm, and of course it didn't work for me, so she cancelled the meeting. (It was a meeting where she comes to visit me at my home.) I then had a phone call with her and told her I'm depressed and suicidal (stupid, but I'm just so tired and exhausted and can't give a shit about anything anymore), because deep in my heart I hoped she would cancel the cancellation, agree to have a meeting with me after all, and rush to help me. (Stupid of me to hope so, I know, but I'm not mentally well today).

Instead of coming to see me, she started to repeat on phone "Promise me you won't commit suicide! Promise! Promise!". I asked her "What does promising help?", and I explained to her that if I promised I'll be rich someday, it wouldn't mean that I'd automatically become rich overnight. She told me that if I promise to her that I won't do a suicide, it'll mean that I won't do a suicide. I asked her "How does that even work?" and told her I've already promised to not to commit suicide to multiple people and that it hasn't helped at all. And she said something really low IQ and illogical. Something like "When you promise someone you won't commit a suicide, you stop wanting to commit a suicide." I tried to explain to her that whether or not I do a suicide isn't fully in my hands (for example, LGBT kids have committed suicides just because their parents hated them and threw them out of house, and adults have committed suicides because of bankrupts and homelessness), but of course she couldn't understand and just ordered me to stop being suicidal as if being suicidal was a choice. Then she told me to call 911 and ended the phone call. Funny, how she didn't come here to check whether or not I have a rope around my neck or whether I just drank poison. Funny how she didn't call 911. If I ctb this weekend, it'll be partly her fault for not caring more. Also, how the hell does one call 911 after roping, jumping of a cliff, drinking N or shooting their face off?

This wasn't the first time a social worker has started to blather "Promise me you won't commit a suicide! You have to promise me!". I hate it! C'mon, a hug and "I'm sorry your life is horrible. You don't deserve to suffer so. Tell me if there's anything I can do to help you." would be more effective in preventing suicides than anything they say now.

Therapists are human. You are putting a lot of responsibility on her. Yeah. Maybe she should have had the police do a well check. She could have. Would that make you feel better about her? I had a therapist act like they couldn't hear me over the phone and then hang up. Yes. It is frustrating. But their jobs are very stressful. In your case they probably were obligated by law to report you and have a well check done by the authorities. In my case I was just ranting at the therapist(I was not threatening suicide) and they acted like they couldn't hear me.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I always despised when someone says such things when it comes to self harm and suicide.
People who say such thigs don't understand what it's like to have those thoughts or feelings. They're oblivious to the constant hate-fest going on in your head because it's likely they never experienced it before.
To them, I've noticed, your promise is set in stone. To them it means you're not going to go through with it, as if it changes your thoughts and feelings.
Sort of like when people say "well just be happy. Get over it." to those with mental illnesses. Words make no difference, the problem is still there. Pretending it isn't, turning a blind eye, does nothing but avoid what's really going on.
Nobody wants to actually deal with it until it's something they view as a problem. Until then they assume their words and your empty promises will suffice.
Her solution is because she has an outsider's concept of suicide. She hasn't been suicidal herself, that's pretty clear. I don't believe anyone who is would say such an absurd thing.
She likely is doing what she thinks is best, but the truth is that's not what anyone wants to hear and it isn't helpful at all. It's actually pretty harmful.
I'm sorry she failed you when you reached out. Everyone says to just reach out, but I hear all the time those that do who are shrugged off and told to get over it. Or forced into promising not to do it.

 

[Marawa]

I think its criminal what you said & how she acted. I get jo help with the social workers either & I believe its people just picking up a paycheck. Don't let her drive you to ctb but 10yrs of dealing with them they are no help with the psychological issues. you probably needed a ride to a hospital at the least

 

[Estrela]

Eu só queria uma saida para essa dor, a minha família acha que só quero chamar atenção, mais ninguém sabe o que sinto a dor que é, eu não tenho ninguém para falar sobre o que passa como doi, eu odeio o mundo e me ódeio.

 

[I am ___________]

Therapists, Psychiatrists, they're all nothing but professional liars who just want to keep you around so they can collect a paycheck. You'd be better of ctb before you end up in even worse debt by getting "Help".

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

That isn't right, she should have helped you, thats her job. I understand that that job is tough but that does not justify this. I would speak with her next week about this and how that does absolutely not work. Its just plain stupid to say that. Its like saying to some one who is blind, "just start seeing". Do you have help from a therapist or a psychiatrist?

 

[Jen Erik]

Therapists are human. You are putting a lot of responsibility on her. Yeah. Maybe she should have had the police do a well check. She could have. Would that make you feel better about her? I had a therapist act like they couldn't hear me over the phone and then hang up. Yes. It is frustrating. But their jobs are very stressful. In your case they probably were obligated by law to report you and have a well check done by the authorities. In my case I was just ranting at the therapist(I was not threatening suicide) and they acted like they couldn't hear me.

Caping for therapists is a bad look, especially with the condescending "well at least she didn't call the police on you."

"But their jobs are very stressful" does not negate or excuse the ways they may fail to provide the type of care a client needs.

 

[Endless]

She was probably just trying to cover her ass. So if anything happens she could say you expressed suicidal thoughts but promised not to act on them so she took no further action. You're right though, it means nothing

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Someone's pretending to care about you enough to say that.

I'd hold onto that for dear life. People pretty much tell me I might as well die. Not right out, but in a roundabout way.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Instead of coming to see me, she started to repeat on phone "Promise me you won't commit suicide! Promise! Promise!". I asked her "What does promising help?", and I explained to her that if I promised I'll be rich someday, it wouldn't mean that I'd automatically become rich overnight. She told me that if I promise to her that I won't do a suicide, it'll mean that I won't do a suicide. I asked her "How does that even work?" and told her I've already promised to not to commit suicide to multiple people and that it hasn't helped at all. And she said something really low IQ and illogical. Something like "When you promise someone you won't commit a suicide, you stop wanting to commit a suicide." I tried to explain to her that whether or not I do a suicide isn't fully in my hands (for example, LGBT kids have committed suicides just because their parents hated them and threw them out of house, and adults have committed suicides because of bankrupts and homelessness), but of course she couldn't understand and just ordered me to stop being suicidal as if being suicidal was a choice.

Having these conversations with most people--and especially "mental health professionals"--is about as futile as trying to get verifiable, cogent answers from the religious about questions about god... So few facts and so many culturally entrenched feelings are involved that what people want to be true (that life has inherent value, that suicide is a bad choice...) becomes accepted as general truths despite there being virtually no supporting hard evidence. I won't even engage mental health professionals anymore--except to be very happy to pour over the evidence they offer (if they ever do) to corroborate their beliefs.

Very sorry you're hurting as much as you are--and that you were canceled on when you really, really needed the support. I've been there ("friends"). It feels like getting back-handed in the face with a waffle-maker.

Eu só queria uma saida para essa dor, a minha família acha que só quero chamar atenção, mais ninguém sabe o que sinto a dor que é, eu não tenho ninguém para falar sobre o que passa como doi, eu odeio o mundo e me ódeio.

Posso perguntar se você tem mais de 18 anos? Esta é uma das comunidades mais atenciosas que encontrei online. Eu acho que você vai encontrar pessoas para conversar aqui. A maioria das pessoas parece usar apenas o inglês aqui. Espero que isso não seja um problema. Bem-vindo e paz para você.

 

[Fucking loving it]

What about when they contract to no suicide. Seriously? ??

 

[Midnight]

It's because she can't/doesn't want to deal with a suicide on her "watch". You hanging yourself would have a serious impact on her work/life and she wants to avoid that by forcing you to "promise not to kys" it's more out of selfishness than genuine care. But i can't blame them tbh ... These people just don't know what goes on our minds and can't comprehend or don't have the knowledge to provide good answers. They try and do good but it ain't easy and it's mostly in vain.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I've been feeling really bad, sad and suicidal lately, and today I was supposed to have my weekly social worker meeting, but at the last second she suddenly changed the time from 3pm to 1pm, and of course it didn't work for me, so she cancelled the meeting. (It was a meeting where she comes to visit me at my home.) I then had a phone call with her and told her I'm depressed and suicidal (stupid, but I'm just so tired and exhausted and can't give a shit about anything anymore), because deep in my heart I hoped she would cancel the cancellation, agree to have a meeting with me after all, and rush to help me. (Stupid of me to hope so, I know, but I'm not mentally well today).

Instead of coming to see me, she started to repeat on phone "Promise me you won't commit suicide! Promise! Promise!". I asked her "What does promising help?", and I explained to her that if I promised I'll be rich someday, it wouldn't mean that I'd automatically become rich overnight. She told me that if I promise to her that I won't do a suicide, it'll mean that I won't do a suicide. I asked her "How does that even work?" and told her I've already promised to not to commit suicide to multiple people and that it hasn't helped at all. And she said something really low IQ and illogical. Something like "When you promise someone you won't commit a suicide, you stop wanting to commit a suicide." I tried to explain to her that whether or not I do a suicide isn't fully in my hands (for example, LGBT kids have committed suicides just because their parents hated them and threw them out of house, and adults have committed suicides because of bankrupts and homelessness), but of course she couldn't understand and just ordered me to stop being suicidal as if being suicidal was a choice. Then she told me to call 911 and ended the phone call. Funny, how she didn't come here to check whether or not I have a rope around my neck or whether I just drank poison. Funny how she didn't call 911. If I ctb this weekend, it'll be partly her fault for not caring more. Also, how the hell does one call 911 after roping, jumping of a cliff, drinking N or shooting their face off?

This wasn't the first time a social worker has started to blather "Promise me you won't commit a suicide! You have to promise me!". I hate it! C'mon, a hug and "I'm sorry your life is horrible. You don't deserve to suffer so. Tell me if there's anything I can do to help you." would be more effective in preventing suicides than anything they say now.

"Promise me that you will kill yourself." LOL just kidding, can't say that, it would be illegal.

 

[TAW122]

C'mon, a hug and "I'm sorry your life is horrible. You don't deserve to suffer so. Tell me if there's anything I can do to help you." would be more effective in preventing suicides than anything they say now.

I agree, and I'd say hugs and other sincere actions from others have done WAY more for me than stupid ass talk therapy, medicine, or even religion (I'm atheist btw). (To be fair, therapy and counseling "CAN" help some people, but not everyone. Same with religion.) While it is true that hugs and other sincere actions won't solve all the problems, it would at least alleviate enough pain and suffering that one would be able to start the road to recovery. Plus, it's better than wasting fucking money and time with therapy (most of which failed me and I've been through MANY of them over the course of my 28 years of life) or wasting time through religious dogma and drivel.

Therapists, Psychiatrists, they're all nothing but professional liars who just want to keep you around so they can collect a paycheck. You'd be better of ctb before you end up in even worse debt by getting "Help".

I agree with you, especially the last part in most countries. There is little, if anything positive that comes out of getting "help" (unless it's a pro-lifer claiming that life is always good, which is absurd).

She was probably just trying to cover her ass. So if anything happens she could say you expressed suicidal thoughts but promised not to act on them so she took no further action. You're right though, it means nothing

Yeah, I figured a lot of therapists and mental health professionals often say similar sentiments or things to mainly protect themselves from liabilities such as legal action or even ethical action taken against them by their organization.

 

[LivingLies]

off for the weekend and wanting to cover her backside? Gotta love em eh!!?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

It's because she can't/doesn't want to deal with a suicide on her "watch". You hanging yourself would have a serious impact on her work/life and she wants to avoid that by forcing you to "promise not to kys" it's more out of selfishness than genuine care. But i can't blame them tbh ... These people just don't know what goes on our minds and can't comprehend or don't have the knowledge to provide good answers. They try and do good but it ain't easy and it's mostly in vain.

I worked at a hospital with a medical research team some years ago. The chief of psychiatry gave a talk among residents and the clinical psychology staff advising them when to cut suicidal patients loose. He said suicides not only affect practitioners' insurance rates but also the hospital departments' national rankings. And I've heard other professional therapists say out loud they "fire" non-compliant depressed patients because the therapists can't afford the liability and other risks if/when those patients commit suicide.

More people need to understand this is how therapists reason/talk when patients/the public aren't around.

 

[End.of.the.line]

Man cut you therapist some slack. I'm sure she has her own life with her own problems.

If I ctb this weekend, it'll be partly her fault for not caring more.

I don't mean to be an Asshole but it sounded like you was trying to guilt trip her to coming to see you. Would it really be party her fault for not caring more?

Would you want her feeling guilty or partly responsible if you did choose to ctb this weekend? That's not fair to her, I'm sure she only ever wanted to help you. There's only so much she can or will do. You can't blame her for that.

I know you must be going through some shit, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope things get better for you.

 

[Marawa]

Man cut you therapist some slack. I'm sure she has her own life with her own problems.



I don't mean to be an Asshole but it sounded like you was trying to guilt trip her to coming to see you. Would it really be party her fault for not caring more?

Would you want her feeling guilty or partly responsible if you did choose to ctb this weekend? That's not fair to her, I'm sure she only ever wanted to help you. There's only so much she can or will do. You can't blame her for that.

I know you must be going through some shit, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope things get better for you.

I'm sorry but assessing suicide, depression is the workers profession and she shouldn't be expecting ppl to cut her slack. Would you cut a surgeon some slack because it's near his weekend? bull shit. These people definitely contribute to some poor outcomes for their clients not doing their damn jobs.

 

[elizabeth.luck]

I worked at a hospital with a medical research team some years ago. The chief of psychiatry gave a talk among residents and the clinical psychology staff advising them when to cut suicidal patients loose. He said suicides not only affect practitioners' insurance rates but also the hospital departments' national rankings. And I've heard other professional therapists say out loud they "fire" non-compliant depressed patients because the therapists can't afford the liability and other risks if/when those patients commit suicide.

More people need to understand this is how therapists reason/talk when patients/the public aren't around.

This made my heart pound. Please tell me more.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

This made my heart pound. Please tell me more.

Due to liability issue on the discrimination and professional ethics fronts, few providers are forthcoming about how they deal with "problem patients." Some professional organizations reference patients who don't pay or who are violent. But the patients they stay clear of talking about are psychiatric patients who don't "conform" to treatment expectations and those who, despite treatment, fail to make progress while increasing in suicide risk. I don't know how common "firing problem patients" is in psychiatry, but I've heard professionals all over the US mention it for many years now about mental health patients to mitigate legal, financial, and reputation risks. As is also true in other medical departs like orthopedic surgery or cardiology, mandatory reporting of outcomes data (successful treatments, time to recovery, recidivism rates, attempted and completed suicides...) figure into both hospitals' and departments' national rankings which in turn partly determine federal and state grant funding. Losing a cancer patient, very sad, seems "understandable." But losing a patient to "preventable" mental illness, not so much. Because, after all, the psychiatric model is that these patients are physically ill so physical medicine successfully treats them.

 

[Pulpit2018]

Due to liability issue on the discrimination and professional ethics fronts, few providers are forthcoming about how they deal with "problem patients." Some professional organizations reference patients who don't pay or who are violent. But the patients they stay clear of talking about are psychiatric patients who don't "conform" to treatment expectations and those who, despite treatment, fail to make progress while increasing in suicide risk. I don't know how common "firing problem patients" is in psychiatry, but I've heard professionals all over the US mention it for many years now about mental health patients to mitigate legal, financial, and reputation risks. As is also true in other medical departs like orthopedic surgery or cardiology, mandatory reporting of outcomes data (successful treatments, time to recovery, recidivism rates, attempted and completed suicides...) figure into both hospitals' and departments' national rankings which in turn partly determine federal and state grant funding. Losing a cancer patient, very sad, seems "understandable." But losing a patient to "preventable" mental illness, not so much. Because, after all, the psychiatric model is that these patients are physically ill so physical medicine successfully treats them.

This should surprise noone.Psychs are of course professionals,and they care about their career.They will only risk it so much for some dangerous patient.
Like it or not,money counts,and psychs dont want to face heat from insurance and state because a patient blew his brains.Better safe than sorry is what they probably think.
But to be fair,the problem is the legal system too.There is much pressure on psychs to report things,to cure patients and they are not allowed to just "lose" patients.
That is the fault of judiciary and government!
You cant expect psychs to risk a lot when they are given no room for error.
When someone commits suicide or murder and has been a patient of a certain psych,they always investigate the psych.

Basically i think psych should be stripped of both their powers but also their liabilities.
Same thing with doctors.