Hi sweet @przeciwwymiotne
I'm really sorry to learn that you're suffering that much.. I'm also sorry to hear that your addiction is killing you.
When I read you, I guess that you mean that because of your addiction (problems you're mentioning in the title), you feel like your brain skills are totally decreased ? I guess that your mind is mostly focused about thinking to your substance/behaviour you used to take/do.. And so you feel tense, clueless, in great difficulty like a part of you were missing or like living without the substance/behaviour is too complicated ?
I guess that it's also due to the fact that it's hard for you to have a good sleep, also because you could have a strong anxiety that could pop out of nowhere.
I guess that you are really exhausted and I'm sorry for that <3
Even if I don't know exactly your addiction, everything you're living right now is normal, don't blame yourself. You're really courageous, I swear <3
You known, the simple fact of wanting to change, the simple fact of being rude against what torment you (here your addiction), is already a good sign of changes.
To put your mind in more serene states, learn to be proud of everything you do. Even if you're suffering, even if for you it's not enough, realise how much you're strong to post here in the recovery section and how much you're courageous to keep your fight against it.
Overcoming an addiction can be long, it's a rocky road with frequent feelings of relapse. But once again, this is normal and never forget that a relapse isn't definitive and each time you'll resist to it you will get stronger.
Anyway, you know better than me that recovering from addiction can't be done with a snap of the fingers. When a behaviour is changing, the individual goes through many variations (mental, physical, emotional) before reaching what he is seeking.
Continue your fight, your strong and we believe in you <3
Loving you <3