Venting Probably gonna CTB tonight.

[euphoric_freak]

Title pretty much has the gist. Writing here to take a break from scheduled emails ig.

My ex told me to kill myself the other day, and at his request I've been cut off from most of my friends. I still love him.

Been thinking about today for a couple of weeks, so I guess it's time to do it.

 

[ilk]

how do you plan on doing it?

 

[Hana68]

I'm really sorry about this, he doesn't seem like a good person, well regardless of that I hope you find peace/whatever you're looking for

 

[euphoric_freak]

how do you plan on doing it?

An hour prior I will take Ondansetron ODT for any nausea in the following steps.

30-ish minutes prior I plan on drinking ethanol mixed with some hydroxyzine pamote. Those two mix rather well for me and the sedation will make things easier.

I will then drink Isopropyl Alcohol to get past the SI. If I only have a life of pain to look forward to it will make the final step easier.

I will then go to the forest near my home and do a full-hanging.

 

[PI3.14]

Look, I know nothing about relationships or love since I've never experienced any.

However, I won't harm myself let alone CTB because someone told me to do so.

I'm not sure what do you love about this person but his personality isn't only shitty but is pushing the extreme of being toxic.

Tell him to go fuck himself. Never ever CTB because someone wants you to, ever.

 

[Rudi]

if he is such a shit person, don't make him happy by doing what he asked you to do.
Don't let him win, don't make him feel like he's stronger than you because he isn't.
He isn't going through these feelings, he doesn't know what you're feeling, but you do and yet you're still here - this is why you're far stronger than him.

do NOT let him make decisions for your life. He isn't worth it. Not at all.

 

[athiestjoe]

Welcome to the site.

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Don't let the asshole win one over on you. Not worth it. As for the described plan though, some issues anyways, leading to even more reason to pause and then proceed at another time if that is truly your goal that you decide and think through:

ethanol

Ethanol, assuming you mean in the form of ethyl alcohol aka a grain spirit? Don't really hear people refer to booze as ethanol very often.

hydroxyzine pamote

It's an allergy med, so yeah it can make some people drowsy. Probably not a first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth or lower choice for most in terms of meds that are helpful to reduce anxiety or lessen some SI (benzos are a far better choice).

Isopropyl Alcohol to get past the SI

Rubbing alcohol (disinfectant) to get over SI? Hmm. Sounds like a sure way to just throw up. It can cause severe irritation or burns in the mouth, throat, and stomach. Also very likely to just cause dizziness, nausea, vomiting, and confusion. Ingesting it and then likely just having damage, more pain and suffering than before are far more likely than it being beneficial. That Zofran before is not going to help much with throwing up due to booze, rubbing alcohol and the allergy pill. Does not sound like a good plan at all.


I would consider a different method than what is described above. But outside of that, CTBing because someone told you to go die sounds rash and impulsive. There is absolutely no rush to make any decisions, take your time. Make your decision with a clear mind and plan (if you truly want to) it rather acting in haste. No rush. Both the plan and the reason seem to somewhat lacking, so hold off and give it more thought and time.

With whatever you decide, I hope you find everything you are looking for and get peace & serenity.

 

[Fangarina]

Hey.

I don't want to sound patronising and I apologise if I do - but I feel like this maybe a little bit of an impulse decision. Please sit on this for a while longer before you go through with any plans.
Heartbreak sucks, I struggle with it a lot (yay for BPD!!) and I feel incredibly suicidal when someone walks out of my life. But CTB based on someone telling you to do it should be the last thing you do - and it is the biggest red flag for who they are as a person, not you. Take some time out, feel every single emotion and remember that grieving loss of any kind is not a linear process. It takes time to rebalance your emotions and brain and work out what you truly want to do.

I also agree wholeheartedly with what Joe has said above. The combo you have picked out is not going to give you the outcome you desire and will probably make you poorly instead.
It's not for us to talk you out of it, however there are much safer methods than this.
If you do decide to go ahead, I can only wish you peace and that you find a method that isn't going to be detrimental.

But I do think you really need to hang on a little longer and not be hasty with leaving us. Hang out, chat, explore the forum. Pour your heart out and see if a different perspective on this helps.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[euphoric_freak]

It's an allergy med, so yeah it can make some people drowsy. Probably not a first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth or lower choice for most in terms of meds that are helpful to reduce anxiety or lessen some SI (benzos are a far better choice).

Not really my first choice either. It's prescribed to me off label for anxiety. It's kinda meh, takes the edge off of things. From what I can remember it feels pretty okay with booze.

Ethanol, assuming you mean in the form of ethyl alcohol aka a grain spirit? Don't really hear people refer to booze as ethanol very often.

Did so to differentiate from the much more potent poison I would be taking later.

Rubbing alcohol (disinfectant) to get over SI? Hmm. Sounds like a sure way to just throw up. It can cause severe irritation or burns in the mouth, throat, and stomach.

Tried a little just now. I've downed worse to get drunk, but this does give me pause.

I would consider a different method than what is described above. But outside of that, CTBing because someone told you to go die sounds rash and impulsive.

I've wanted to die for pretty much as long as I can remember. I had decided to cease speaking to him in light of him saying that to me knowing my history, but he asked my friends to cut me off this morning and they obliged. For a long time, the biggest reason I didn't try to CTB again was because I was worried how the people around me would keep going on. Now that that's not a problem anymore, I don't know why to stay.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

19, turning 20 in a few days.

 

[nir]

Title pretty much has the gist. Writing here to take a break from scheduled emails ig.

My ex told me to kill myself the other day, and at his request I've been cut off from most of my friends. I still love him.

Been thinking about today for a couple of weeks, so I guess it's time to do it.

Someone you love shouldn't say that to you. No one should say that to anyone, tbh. I'm so sorry. That's really cruel.

 

[Fangarina]

You are still so incredibly young
I say this as someone almost twice your age and been where you are with ex boyfriends and ex friends - but these people who cut you off on the say of someone else are not your friends. True friends don't disconnect from people just for the sake of it.

I know you have been feeling this way for a while, and it's so hypocritical of me to tell you to hang tight for a little longer but most of my attempts were impulsive and failed. I first tried to CTB at 14, and I have had countless attempts since and have hit the grand old age of 37. I have a rough date for CTB (start of August) and I will be following through this time in spite of all my past attempts. But I'm glad I am making this decision as an adult who has lived and had experience. It's planned, well thought out and I am at peace with it.
As much as I have lived in a hellhole mindset, there has been a lot of goodness intertwined that I would have missed had I been successful. And I cherish those moments and wish they had been enough for me to break this cycle I go through.
I think my rambling is trying to say that you potentially still have a full and beautiful life ahead of you. And as a tender young age, it's so hard to believe and see that. But I'm always hoping that somehow people can see that things can get better. And if you genuinely don't feel that way, we support you in whatever you decide. But don't give him satisfaction of doing anything on his say….

 

[euphoric_freak]

You are still so incredibly young
I say this as someone almost twice your age and been where you are with ex boyfriends and ex friends - but these people who cut you off on the say of someone else are not your friends. True friends don't disconnect from people just for the sake of it.

I know you have been feeling this way for a while, and it's so hypocritical of me to tell you to hang tight for a little longer but most of my attempts were impulsive and failed. I first tried to CTB at 14, and I have had countless attempts since and have hit the grand old age of 37. I have a rough date for CTB (start of August) and I will be following through this time in spite of all my past attempts. But I'm glad I am making this decision as an adult who has lived and had experience. It's planned, well thought out and I am at peace with it.
As much as I have lived in a hellhole mindset, there has been a lot of goodness intertwined that I would have missed had I been successful. And I cherish those moments and wish they had been enough for me to break this cycle I go through.
I think my rambling is trying to say that you potentially still have a full and beautiful life ahead of you. And as a tender young age, it's so hard to believe and see that. But I'm always hoping that somehow people can see that things can get better. And if you genuinely don't feel that way, we support you in whatever you decide. But don't give him satisfaction of doing anything on his say….

I think I'm gonna go to the hospital now. I'm not in the mindset to be making such decisions.

Thanks all of you . I'm sorry for causing a fuss.

 

[Fangarina]

I think I'm gonna go to the hospital now. I'm not in the mindset to be making such decisions.

Thanks all of you . I'm sorry for causing a fuss.

No fuss made at all.
We are always happy to listen and chat things out if it helps in whatever way you need.

Hope you are doing ok, and I'm glad you have decided to hang tight until you are in a clearer mindset.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Don't end your life because of him, live for yourself. I lost my ex-girlfriend last month, we were still good friends, in fact, we still lived together under the same roof, I still loved her, even in death, I still love her, and I cry every so often, I feel like wanting to join her, but I know she wants me to keep going for our two little furry creatures, we have a cat and dog, and they love each other. If you ctb, do it for yourself, not for someone else, feel free to chat with me, I feel really lonely tonight

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

I was just coming here to say what others have said. Someone who loves you wouldn't say that. And I'd be damn spiteful to prove to that person that I can and will keep on living.

I'm happy to hear you are considering getting admitted. It gets a lot of hate here from what I've seen, but it genuinely can help if you're at a low enough point and it's all you have. Glad you reached out to the forums before making an impulse decision. I look forward to seeing more posts from you in the future.

 

[Coringa]

Acho que minha divagação está tentando dizer que você potencialmente ainda tem uma vida plena e bonita pela frente. E como tenra idade, é tão difícil acreditar e ver isso. Mas estou sempre esperando que de alguma forma as pessoas possam ver que as coisas podem melhorar.

I agree 100% with this.

Do not make an impulsive decision at all. The CTB can be done at any time, there is no rush.

 

[Demian]

If you ctb, don't ever do it because of someone, especially a jerk like your ex.

You love that guy you idealized at the beginning of your relationship, but now you know who he is. I guarantee you'll find the right person.

 

[pariah80]

If this is what you want, then I wish you peace and serenity.

 

[imsotired35]

I hope you're still here. Please don't let anybody else make a decision like that for you