Venting Prison House

[almaranthine]

The house I live in felt like prison long, long before any stay-at-home quarantine orders were issued. I'm almost 25, and, because I failed miserably in life and found myself unable to financially support myself on my own, I live with my mother. I am at a devastating turning point in my depressing existence wherein I will, before this year ends, reasonably have enough money saved up to purchase a car and live in a small apartment alone, and still have savings, however my credit is so terrible that I doubt I would be able to find a place to rent. So, regardless of my monetary savings, I am doomed to live in this oppressive place for some time... if I can deal with living.

I basically live like a captive in the home I grew up in. I'm not supposed to run water at night, flush a toilet, microwave any food, and even when I try to be obsessively quiet, I get berated and verbally abused for stupid shit like accidentally letting the lid on the kitchen trash can close "too loudly". Since I work closing shifts, when I do get home at night, I am only to do essential tasks as quickly as possible. I generally get about 20-30 minutes.

Today, my mom told me I'm not to brush my hair inside the house. I have to go outside in the backyard. This is not only incredibly dehumanizing but also inconvenient. Brushing long, tangled hair without a mirror isn't an easy task. It would take me at least ten minutes to brush my hair outside in the dark after I get home after work... I need that little bit of time to try to make myself some food. So, I go days and days without brushing my hair- dandruff gets worse, when I do get to brush a lot of hair falls out, and of course, my mental and emotional health continue to steadily decline.

I want out of this sad, sad life. I've quietly cried myself to sleep so many nights. I've tried to hang myself but haven't been able to pass out. There's just no end in sight and I am so hopeless and alone.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Your mom is so controlling, unreasonable and unhinged! Buy her a damn white noise machine and put it outside her bedroom door! Or would that noise also offend?

Before you buy into being doomed, I hope you'll do yourself the favor of researching if any apartments will accept your credit score. There are also individual apartment owners who may accept a lower score. I'm just saying don't be sure until you're sure.

I know the environment you're in is hell and can bring one way down. Please know I understand and I'm rooting for you.

 

[almaranthine]

Your mom is so controlling, unreasonable and unhinged! Buy her a damn white noise machine and put it outside her bedroom door! Or would that noise also offend?

Before you buy into being doomed, I hope you'll do yourself the favor of researching if any apartments will accept your credit score. There are also individual apartment owners who may accept a lower score. I'm just saying don't be sure until you're sure.

I know the environment you're in is hell and can bring one way down. Please know I understand and I'm rooting for you.

I work in the vitamins/supplements/HBA department in a health food store, so I've tried to offer her samples of various sleep aids. She doesn't take them. Sometimes I wonder if she just lays awake listening for the slightest noise so she can angrily confront me about it.

At any rate, I know I might be able to find some shithole place to live that will rent to me without a guarantor, but even then... I've lived alone before and I did not do well (financially or mentally) so I'm conflicted about it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't know about your credit situation and don't need to, but something that helped me rebuild, if you live in the US....at Target you can get a store card linked to your checking account, then after using it for several months, they offer a Target credit card. If you use it and pay off most of it every month, just leave a tiny bit on there, this will boost up your credit rating.

 

[almaranthine]

I don't know about your credit situation and don't need to, but something that helped me rebuild, if you live in the US....at Target you can get a store card linked to your checking account, then after using it for several months, they offer a Target credit card. If you use it and pay off most of it every month, just leave a tiny bit on there, this will boost up your credit rating.

I do live in the US; thanks for the practical advice. I do actually have a credit card from a department store. It's the only line of credit I've maintained for the last six years. I'll be honest, I haven't actually checked my score in quite a while. I've had many debts go to collections in my past though so I know it isn't good aha.