Venting Previous OD

[Cheshirecatx]

Last month, took an overdose that damaged my heart. Borderline having a heart attack from what I've learnt, I didn't get help. Didn't tell anybody for weeks after. I know overdoses are unlikely to work, but I was tempted to try. I didn't have anything to lose. Had serotonin syndrome(which is horrible, and weeks in agony)

Now lost my job, can't go back to my old one and lost hope in actually having a future. In financial difficulty, struggling to make ends meet. Spend every day asleep and every night crying, life has become torture. Getting sleep medication soon, hoping that with previous damage it results in ctb but also have rope and SN (couldn't get meto) if all else fails. Stockpiling as only given a weeks worth at a time. Promethazine and Zopiclone.

Mental Health Team keep ringing my house when concerned, which means I have to be careful in what I do and not get caught. Have the plan and items, just need the right timing. Just need some sort of escape. Anybody else feeling like this?

*not a goodbye post. Just vent*

 

[I screwed up]

Sorry to hear ur situation mate ... Specially in this time of pandemic things r getting worse for most specially if u are already struggling from any depression or other disorder. I m in a similar situation as u r but I envy u as u already have the means to ctb ... I need to source my SN and it seems impossible in the current circumstances .

 

[Cheshirecatx]

Sorry to hear ur situation mate ... Specially in this time of pandemic things r getting worse for most specially if u are already struggling from any depression or other disorder. I m in a similar situation as u r but I envy u as u already have the means to ctb ... I need to source my SN and it seems impossible in the current circumstances .

It's horrible. I have depression, anxiety and other issues but also EUPD (possible bipolar) and literally, it's just one defeat after another. It's just heartbreaking as I was in a much better position a few weeks ago but now, it's far too much. My partner ordered SN about three weeks ago in the UK, I don't know what source he used but it is out there. Keep looking if you want to, I'm sure you'll find what you need eventually. I have two SN packages as I always had one found and taken away but now have both...just sucks I can't get hold of any meto. I've tried online pharmacies but I'm no good at asking in person. I only have the means as I've planned so far ahead before. I always got things just in case. Seems like it's been handy!

 

[Pryras]

Failing an attempt can be extremely traumatic and I'm sorry you came out of it with more pain than before. I feel you and if you need someone to vent to, you can pm me as I've dealt with a failed overdose myself. It's one thing to survive an attempt and give life another try and yet extremely debilitating when you're worse off than when you started. I feel you and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I am very sorry you went through that. I had an attempt as well, also with serotonin syndrome. Realistically I knew that although I've had quite a big amount of medications, there would be low chances of me actually dying. But life became so unbearable at that point that I was desperate.
Have you experienced long-time physical complications? How is your heart now? I am no expert, but after serotonin syndrome it's only natural to go through absistence syndrome. I know it was very hard for me to adjust.
Sending you my support!

 

[Cheshirecatx]

Failing an attempt can be extremely traumatic and I'm sorry you came out of it with more pain than before. I feel you and if you need someone to vent to, you can pm me as I've dealt with a failed overdose myself. It's one thing to survive an attempt and give life another try and yet extremely debilitating when you're worse off than when you started. I feel you and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

It really was traumatic. I felt awful when I took it, throwing up, shaking, heart racing and just being in agony. And now to be told I've got heart damage, still suffer from muscle spasms all over my body and pain in my chest that is severely uncomfortable....I just want to be successful and when eventually I told someone 3 weeks later, the damage was done. Just have to take more next time. She said I was very likely to have been successful and that what I took is generally the most fatal. Humour is, they were going to prescribe me more!

I am very sorry you went through that. I had an attempt as well, also with serotonin syndrome. Realistically I knew that although I've had quite a big amount of medications, there would be low chances of me actually dying. But life became so unbearable at that point that I was desperate.
Have you experienced long-time physical complications? How is your heart now? I am no expert, but after serotonin syndrome it's only natural to go through absistence syndrome. I know it was very hard for me to adjust.
Sending you my support!

As I see it, I've had lots of medications and stuff, but the complications from it really took its toll on my body. If I do another one, I hope it will be successful. I'm only small myself so the dosages are always quite high for me to tolerate, and I was the same. I was desperate. I needed that way out. But ended up stopping too early due to being sick. Next time, using an AE.

I've damaged my heart and still get physical symptoms now, I get pain all around my body, especially my chest which is debilitating. I can't manage any anxiety anymore. I can barely eat without throwing up because of the nausea and I get moments pf dizziness and loss of balance. I get blood test results back soon to find out about the extent of the damage.
My partner took 10x50mg Sertraline and was borderline of having a heart attack or stroke, but he's come out of it pretty much fine which shows it's more lethal for some people than others.
It was extremely hard afterwards. I still struggle now! But thank you. I'm sorry to hear you went through a similar thing.

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

It really was traumatic. I felt awful when I took it, throwing up, shaking, heart racing and just being in agony. And now to be told I've got heart damage, still suffer from muscle spasms all over my body and pain in my chest that is severely uncomfortable....I just want to be successful and when eventually I told someone 3 weeks later, the damage was done. Just have to take more next time. She said I was very likely to have been successful and that what I took is generally the most fatal. Humour is, they were going to prescribe me more!



As I see it, I've had lots of medications and stuff, but the complications from it really took its toll on my body. If I do another one, I hope it will be successful. I'm only small myself so the dosages are always quite high for me to tolerate, and I was the same. I was desperate. I needed that way out. But ended up stopping too early due to being sick. Next time, using an AE.

I've damaged my heart and still get physical symptoms now, I get pain all around my body, especially my chest which is debilitating. I can't manage any anxiety anymore. I can barely eat without throwing up because of the nausea and I get moments pf dizziness and loss of balance. I get blood test results back soon to find out about the extent of the damage.
My partner took 10x50mg Sertraline and was borderline of having a heart attack or stroke, but he's come out of it pretty much fine which shows it's more lethal for some people than others.
It was extremely hard afterwards. I still struggle now! But thank you. I'm sorry to hear you went through a similar thing.

Damn, it's sounds horrible. I did some reading because your story moved me a lot. I am not a doctor (have biological background), so it's all just speculations, but muscle pains are typically aftermath of serotonin syndrome. You should beware of kidney damage as well. When results of your blood test will be back, pay attention to creatine kinase concentration (marker for rhabdomyolysis). Have you been prescribed any serotonin blockers?
I hope I didn't annoy you with this information. In no way I want to affect your choice - if you are set on CBT, it's your right. I just wanted to point that in a lot of cases consequences of serotonin syndrome are treatable.
Sorry if I crossed your boundaries, I wish you peace in life or not.

 

[Cheshirecatx]

Damn, it's sounds horrible. I did some reading because your story moved me a lot. I am not a doctor (have biological background), so it's all just speculations, but muscle pains are typically aftermath of serotonin syndrome. You should beware of kidney damage as well. When results of your blood test will be back, pay attention to creatine kinase concentration (marker for rhabdomyolysis). Have you been prescribed any serotonin blockers?
I hope I didn't annoy you with this information. In no way I want to affect your choice - if you are set on CBT, it's your right. I just wanted to point that in a lot of cases consequences of serotonin syndrome are treatable.
Sorry if I crossed your boundaries, I wish you peace in life or not.

It really was horrible. I told a nurse I had pain but I refused to go to my GP, as they don't react well to my suicidal tendencies. I knew it was serotonin syndrome, but it also seems my heart is causing signals to be sent everywhere in the wrong timing. They're most concerned about my liver from previous overdoses but I've been told I need to see my GP....never going to happen. I'm glad it worked in some form, just sad it's not the entire way. And no, until then I'm not able to have serotonin blockers (and even then, I wouldn't take them).
You didn't annoy me with it, it's quite useful information! But unfortunately I think my damage is done anyway. Thank you for the help :)