Now its getting closer i feel really hesitant like its really hard to wrap your mind around ctb'ing
Its so hard to override those survival instincts
Its so hard to override those survival instincts
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intr0verse
Experienced
- Jan 29, 2021
- 277
Don't rush things. Take all the time you need to think about this.
I think Its because i feel like shit from the invega sustenna shot which caused me braindamage....it causes me intense dysphoria but also extremely suicidal. I just find it hard to die in my own appartment alone especially feeling like shit. With these euthanasia clinics there is more of a loving warm enviroment and there are people around. It is also hard to hurt family members
I can't live like this but i don't want to die either...the mistakes i made past few months are so bad i lost all my happiness i keep ruminating them the whole day i want it to end. I don't know what to do if i didnt had N ctb would be absolutely no option
I can't live like this but i don't want to die either...the mistakes i made past few months are so bad i lost all my happiness i keep ruminating them the whole day i want it to end. I don't know what to do if i didnt had N ctb would be absolutely no option
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Darkover
Archangel
- Jul 29, 2021
- 5,653
where and how you choose to die will come when you're ready, do you die satisfied or unsatisfied with life whatever happens goodbye may you rip.
I feel exactly the same. The difference is that I don't have N. I am thinking about hanging but my family guards me 24/7. Do you have AE?
I don't have AE but the invega is still active and its also a d2 antagonist
Of course if i do it i don't want to be saved
Of course if i do it i don't want to be saved
No ..i just want to do it when i feel like it...sometimes i feel somewhat ok but then the fucking ruminating starts and i want to end myself.
It feels somewhat uncomfortable doing it without AE
It feels somewhat uncomfortable doing it without AE
yep, every time when you feel better then the bad feelings come much stronger. At this point, I don't even have this good feeling. Last night I didn't sleep even for a minute: the constant ruminating haunted me. I have to kill myself asap.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,906
All humans are programmed to survive anyway and existence is all we know. We cannot comprehend what it would be like to be dead. At least you have N, that is the best ctb method in my opinion, I believe it is the most peaceful. Of course there is no rush, the option to exit is always there no matter what. I wish you the best.
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Yes it's completely weird and outside a realm of experience… It's precisely what your program NOT to do
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Exactly... you are the lucky one, you have more time to make a decision. I am in a worse situation,. because in the following days two big things will happen to me (losing GF, and losing my job at the company I built from scratch and loved), so I cannot predict how I would react... I worry that I will behave so irrational and even aggressive, that my family will send me to the psych ward, which would be a nightmare in my current state of mind. I hope that I can order N before that, but it is so hard to even buy BTC in such high anxiety level, when your whole body is shaking and vision is blurred.
