Venting Praying for peaceful death

[LonelyGhost]

I'm now begging and praying in my head for a peaceful death. I'm not religious or anything but I am always begging for a higher power to take my life. I'm officially done but I just can't get the strength right now to ctb myself. Every method seems painful or too hard for me to understand. I have access to diazepam and I read that you can pretty much take a whole bottle and just go to sleep and wake up with a headache. The only method I thought of that would be the most peaceful was a 3 inch shotgun slug to the head. The chances of death would be 99.9% if not 100. But I still have a fear of somehow surviving and I can't get myself to go that way because the mess.... I want to go looking peaceful. Body still intact... I don't want paramedics to see me with no head or worse people I know. I just hate this planet and don't know what to do so I'm creating a wall around myself right now and just kinda distancing myself from people. If I got cancer I would actually probably celebrate and be be happiest I been in a very very long time. I am so lost

 

[Rukia]

I used to pray for death too...But then I became psychotic and the voices told me that I am scheduled to die next day and I begged them for one more day :(
That is just my story maybe you are different though....

 

[JoeFailure]

I hear you and I'm sorry, I've had my days like that. Today was one of them at work. I don't really even know how I held it together. I always feel better at night, probably because I'm by myself and it's peaceful. But I know what's coming again tomorrow during the day. It's just a never ending cycle right now. Just hoping for some kind of hope that can hopefully relieve this.

Our own bodies can be so cruel. Now that I do want to fight this, it's like my anxiety is worse than ever.