Positive or negative suicide note

[HereToday]

I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this.
During my last attempt I left my extremely abusive parents (who ruined my childhood, self esteem, and adulthood too due to the trauma) a positive suicide note. I didn't mention the abuse, nor did I blame them for my suicide. In fact I went as far as saying it wasn't their fault and I love them. My reasoning was that hopefully my death would be enough to teach them a lesson, and that making them feel bad is useless as I'm already dead.
I did the same for my abusive ex who traumatised me even more and crushed my soul.

SInce that attempt, both my parents and my ex have continued to be abusive.

This time I'm considering being honest in my suicide note and letting out my anger at the way they treated me. On one hand it would be therapeutic for me and I doubt they'd care, on the other hand I don't want to be the reason anyone else becomes depressed. Even if they're an abusive psychopath.
Thoughts?

 

[goldenrods]

try to do both. "i love you but you were horrible to me."

 

[HereToday]

try to do both. "i love you but you were horrible to me."

Genius. Balance, the one thing I was never good at lol. Think that's the best way to handle it

 

[TAW122]

It's ultimately up to you and each person's situation and note will vary. Some aspects of a negative note may be to spite those who have wronged you and/or sorta getting a bit of comeuppance. Then again, the other school of thought is that writing a positive note will ease the pain of the recipient. It boils down to what your purpose and intent of the note is, whether it is to bring closure, comfort, explanation, and/or get your last word in.

For me personally, my purpose is mainly to tie loose ends, bring some closure and comfort, and of course, letting them know what they should do after my death.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this.
During my last attempt I left my extremely abusive parents (who ruined my childhood, self esteem, and adulthood too due to the trauma) a positive suicide note. I didn't mention the abuse, nor did I blame them for my suicide. In fact I went as far as saying it wasn't their fault and I love them. My reasoning was that hopefully my death would be enough to teach them a lesson, and that making them feel bad is useless as I'm already dead.
I did the same for my abusive ex who traumatised me even more and crushed my soul.

SInce that attempt, both my parents and my ex have continued to be abusive.

This time I'm considering being honest in my suicide note and letting out my anger at the way they treated me. On one hand it would be therapeutic for me and I doubt they'd care, on the other hand I don't want to be the reason anyone else becomes depressed. Even if they're an abusive psychopath.
Thoughts?

Have you considered writing down all your thoughts towards them just for therapeutic reasons? You can still decide later if you want to leave an angry note (or any note at all) for the people who abused you...but it might benefit you to verbalize it/put it in writing?

 

[Flume]

This is your last chance to be honest, so be honest. Why should you stay hidden in the corner even just before you die? Try and find a simple way to express what you feel, if you both hate and love to the people around you then express that.

thrw_a_way1221221 also has a really good point with what your goals with the note is, what do you want to tell, what effect do you want the note to have? That's also something to think about.

 

[Ame]

My reasoning was that hopefully my death would be enough to teach them a lesson, and that making them feel bad is useless as I'm already dead.
I did the same for my abusive ex who traumatised me even more and crushed my soul.

SInce that attempt, both my parents and my ex have continued to be abusive.

Apologies in advance for deviating from your question. I will get back to the topic of this thread in a moment, but I hope that you don't mind me addressing this portion of your post first. I'm afraid that the outcome has left you thinking that your life never had any value because the behaviour of your ex and parents did not change since you attempt. I really hope that this isn't the case and I am so sorry if something like this has crossed your mind. Even with the best of intentions, we cannot choose for others. We may influence and even coerce someone into acting in a way that aligns with our desires but in the end, the choice lies with the other person. By the same token, no one else can control what you do. You can hold a gun to a person's head and tell them to drink from a trough but they are still left with the option of taking the bullet instead. Short of hijacking someone's body, there isn't very much you can do.

In short, that these people haven't changed their behaviour says nothing about your value.

It is not easy to accept and I can see how you could think otherwise, but I promise that you are as worthy as anyone else.

Everything I've written on your situation is based on an assumption on my part, so please, if you are comfortable, do feel free to correct me when I am wrong.

As for your note, it really depends on what you want to do with it. Some people use their note as a means to attempt to assuage the guilt of loved ones or to guide those left behind on how to tie off lose ends and send of your remains. Others take writing a suicide note as an opportunity to put everything out on the table. If you feel that making reference to the abuse will help you make peace with them and yourself then you might want to consider it. We often think that we leave notes behind for others and to a certain extent, this is true, but we also write them for ourselves. It is something to think about for sure.

 

[Despondent]

You're too kind. Everyone here is too kind for this unkind world. They were horrible to you, but you end up still giving them kindness when you attempted ctb. I'm not encouraging you to leave a negative nor positive note. I just think that you had the courage to give them kindness the first time around and they're still abusive? I would right out exactly what I thought if that were my family. I wouldn't care if it were negative. But I wouldn't blame.

 

[HereToday]

Apologies in advance for deviating from your question. I will get back to the topic of this thread in a moment, but I hope that you don't mind me addressing this portion of your post first. I'm afraid that the outcome has left you thinking that your life never had any value because the behaviour of your ex and parents did not change since you attempt. I really hope that this isn't the case and I am so sorry if something like this has crossed your mind. Even with the best of intentions, we cannot choose for others. We may influence and even coerce someone into acting in a way that aligns with our desires but in the end, the choice lies with the other person. By the same token, no one else can control what you do. You can hold a gun to a person's head and tell them to drink from a trough but they are still left with the option of taking the bullet instead. Short of hijacking someone's body, there isn't very much you can do.

In short, that these people haven't changed their behaviour says nothing about your value.

It is not easy to accept and I can see how you could think otherwise, but I promise that you are as worthy as anyone else.

Everything I've written on your situation is based on an assumption on my part, so please, if you are comfortable, do feel free to correct me when I am wrong.

As for your note, it really depends on what you want to do with it. Some people use their note as a means to attempt to assuage the guilt of loved ones or to guide those left behind on how to tie off lose ends and send of your remains. Others take writing a suicide note as an opportunity to put everything out on the table. If you feel that making reference to the abuse will help you make peace with them and yourself then you might want to consider it. We often think that we leave notes behind for others and to a certain extent, this is true, but we also write them for ourselves. It is something to think about for sure.

I'm a bit shocked because I've never had anyone care enough to read between the lines like this (and you got it completely right), and this comment is so kind and thoughtful. Wow. Thank you


Thank you everyone for your input. I think I'll make it an honest note, but also kind at the same time. No use leaving this world still holding a grudge (or several)

 

[Quarky00]

I am going to be harsh b/c mine were warned about abuse by therapist / social worker. As well as by me, when contacted them years later. This has taught me that abusive people have little conscious or guilt. Telling them nicely doesn't work (again my experience).

I would tell it like it is.

I wrote to them that they caused my death. I listed incidents - without much fuss - like "locking/starving your child is wrong" (nothing emotional; short verdict). I have not spoken to them in years, I came to terms with the past long ago, and I don't "hate" them. But it would give me some comfort, knowing I did my best.

That's my 2 cents, you may be in a whole different place all together....

 

[NotOfThisEarth]

I thought about a note but I feel in some strange way it will make my family angrier. They will be mad that I CTB, no matter what I say. They wouldn't, couldn't, ever understand or agree with my wanting to go to a much better place than here on earth. I'm trying to take care of all the details as much as possible so they don't have to. I do feel guilt on & off about leaving. Does anyone else feel that way?

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this.
During my last attempt I left my extremely abusive parents (who ruined my childhood, self esteem, and adulthood too due to the trauma) a positive suicide note. I didn't mention the abuse, nor did I blame them for my suicide. In fact I went as far as saying it wasn't their fault and I love them. My reasoning was that hopefully my death would be enough to teach them a lesson, and that making them feel bad is useless as I'm already dead.
I did the same for my abusive ex who traumatised me even more and crushed my soul.

SInce that attempt, both my parents and my ex have continued to be abusive.

This time I'm considering being honest in my suicide note and letting out my anger at the way they treated me. On one hand it would be therapeutic for me and I doubt they'd care, on the other hand I don't want to be the reason anyone else becomes depressed. Even if they're an abusive psychopath.
Thoughts?

Write it first, but don't commit to sending yet. Just write it and you might feel better.

 

[mesohappy]

I'd like to hear other people's opinions on this.
During my last attempt I left my extremely abusive parents (who ruined my childhood, self esteem, and adulthood too due to the trauma) a positive suicide note. I didn't mention the abuse, nor did I blame them for my suicide. In fact I went as far as saying it wasn't their fault and I love them. My reasoning was that hopefully my death would be enough to teach them a lesson, and that making them feel bad is useless as I'm already dead.
I did the same for my abusive ex who traumatised me even more and crushed my soul.

SInce that attempt, both my parents and my ex have continued to be abusive.

This time I'm considering being honest in my suicide note and letting out my anger at the way they treated me. On one hand it would be therapeutic for me and I doubt they'd care, on the other hand I don't want to be the reason anyone else becomes depressed. Even if they're an abusive psychopath.
Thoughts?

Over the last 2 months Ive made out angry notes later to destroy them,and loving peaceful notes only to destroy those also.Last night I burned my journal I had been keeping since around Thanksgiving.Ive decided to go with no note,no communication.If Im determined on going, no note is going to matter anyway.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I have considered whether to leave my parents a note, either to try to ensure they don't feel guilt, or to try one last time to get through to them that their actions were wrong and it would serve them to face it, rather than continue to believe the illusions of the rightness of their actions and the wrongness they attributed to me as a child who could not possibly have had the the intentions they said I did. In other words, I was scapegoated for things completely outside of my control and awareness, beginning as an infant.

I came to realize recently that no matter what I say to them, it is never received as I intend. They're going to view what I do and say from their own skewed perspectives. If I wasn't able to change that in over 40 years, there's no chance I ever will.

So I've decided to not communicate with them about my cbt at all. They're going to take it how they take it regardless of anything I do or don't say. They've already decided they know what goes on inside of me and why I do what I do anyway. If they blame themselves, it will be for the wrong reasons. If they absolve themselves, that's the norm anyway.

Trying to get through to them is like speaking sanity to native speakers of insanity, or the language of safety to native speakers of abuse, it doesn't translate.

Hope this helped with perspective. It certainly helped me to clarify even more for myself, so thanks for the post.