Poll: punishments

[Desperate_Soul]

Did those punishments effect who you are today?

 

[Tiburcio]

They killed me slowly. What a shit of days

 

[Deadinside24]

School - I was the golden child. Home - ehh yeah but it wasn't outrageous.

 

[Soon4me]

Yes my Father used to spank me a lot.It effected me yes.

 

[Circles]

Why not both? Lol but seriously I wouldn't go so far to say it was torture but to my young mind I didn't know what to compare the abuse to. I went through my childhood experiencing what felt like a dream like state. I didn't wake up so to speak and I didn't know what was happening to me regardless of whether it was my fault or not. In essence it was like an existential crisis going on for years not understanding why anything happens or why you are here or why my own grandfather slapped repeatedly just because I broke a cookie jar or how my brother would beat me up just because I was the second child. I was afraid and shocked that even my own family members would taunt me and make me feel like I was nothing to them. To this day they think nothing of it and they'd say in defense it was to toughen me up just because I was an awkward, introverted near mute kid with mental health issues and comprehension problems. I try not to remember any of it but goddamn it's hard like I still to this day don't understand how people especially kids can be so fuckimg cruel. At school it was just as worse, kids calling me every name like toilet paper because my initials are T.P. Or the fact that my younger sister was a cheerleader and every punk with a dick kept coming up trying to talk shit about my sister. Or the fact that they kept calling me gay and in return I felt humiliated and distraught that I even questioned my own sexuality and still do to this day. There were fights but nothing serious besides a few punches and wrestling but it still caused me trouble at school and at home and within myself. The fights I could take but the gossip and talking shit about me made me never want to talk to anyone and in return I've never had friends and I never got a chance to ask a girl out without someone including her tell me off and humiliating me. My mom called me a pussy once, just once, and yet that ingrained into me that is what I was. The rest of my family was full of drama and death even when I was born that it still affects me. My aunt overdosed when I was 3 who was probably the cornerstone of this side of the family cause there were no more family gatherings after she died. My dad died when I was 10 and I think that's when I realized I hated my life. He was a quadriplegic and wheel chair bound cause of drunk driving so he couldn't be there whatsoever during my childhood but I like to think he wanted to try even though his alcoholism took his time away from his kids. The only two memories I have of him was when I went to his moms house where he lived after my parents got a divorce and all I remember was we getting papa johns pizza and drinking caffeinated Diet Coke. The other was at his funeral and it was so surreal it felt like a depersonalized experience where he was cremated and all I looked at was some strangers grave. My family is a product of mental illness, alcoholism/drugs and abuse basically. Honestly there was so much more shit I could try to remember but I think you get it and I sure don't want to drink tonight by going down memory lane. I just hate to think it could have gotten worse especially when I hear of stories similar to mine but more terrible.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

No.
Maybe it would help with my absolute lack of discipline and shitty attitude...

I doubt it.