Venting Poetry/Writing Thread - please add as you feel inclined.

[brntswtr]

I write a lot, it keeps some of the feelings at bay. But it also helps me better understand how I really am feeling. Here are some snippets of what I have recently written: (NSFW)

"Be Honest"
do you not also wish for my demise?
tell yourself whatever feels best, but you need something to save. i was getting too well to be your sick darling.
gladly i see you watching from the corner, as the wild beast we made slowly devours me alive. i see the glint of her teeth in your eyes, will you fuck her in all the ways you would not me?
she will peel up my skin as if with a blade, her tongue sharper than any lie i have ever told. temptation will overwhelm, and then will you taste the sweet pain you have put me in?
watch closely as her jaws close around the scars on my thighs, open your wide eyes in admiration at the snap of each bone. you once held me so delicately i fooled myself an angel at your touch.
now i hang from her jaw as if a monster in my own right.
we are not rapturous beings until the death we so crave is finally alive inside our own skin. what is a pool of the warmest rain to you compared to the blood of your lover.

"Worrying"
the possibility
the truth
that this mind of mine is a sinner
that i want to be too sick for you.
so sick i could be cold in the bed for hours before you roll over.
waves of comforter and cat hair will awash over my naked face
i wont twitch no matter the tickle
would you be sorry, capital S.

"Untitled"
the enemy is the skip in my throat
as i lean over the trashcan, toilet, sink
the enemy is the stomach who nauseates
but refuses to spill
the enemy is the viscious number within everything
they count themselves up inside me, leaking out my pores
to scratch across my arms and legs
i am a waste of too-full skin
spreading out farther than your eyes can follow
is it any wonder they captivate you?
the girls who can float and curl around each other like sick worms
your fantasies are no longer me
dreams wander from floor to floor wondering when the space they hold grew to be so large
they are so lost they cannot even find my mouth to tell you the truth

"& even the teeth will flower"
the grass mixed with the dirt, a shovelful of life to cover the gaping hole we make in death. all that grows from a grave is grass, flowers only if you're loved enough to have them placed by the trembling hands of the living.

i will be a garden in the woods, the loveliest corpse no one will ever set eyes on. bones and guts and flowers, feasted upon by teeth and eyes till the eyes are gone and the teeth are left as seeds in the dirt.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I cannot bear it
My stupid, pitiful life
My utter loneliness
I have nothing left in me
To keep fighting
To keep going
It's all done
It's replace by grief
My hands are so cold
Nothing warms me
No me sees me
I must radiate sadness
But no one sees it
Or if they do
They don't comment on it
Why don't they say something
Because I am not worth
Even a minute of their lives
I am nothing
My death would mean nothing
They are happy to ignore me
Ignoring the parts of me
They don't wish to see
Seeing only who
They wish me to be
What difference will it make
If I disappear completely
I don't believe in a loving God
Yet still I pray
To God, to anyone listening
To please take my life away
Or give me the courage
To end it myself
This is my only wish
This is my last hope
This is my only relief
Against this never ending pain
I cannot bear it

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I let go,
Of the war in my head,
The voices fighting,
I let go instead,

I give myself peace,
I give myself space,
I give myself love,
I give myself ways,

To think about how,
I want it all to end,
I read and I read,
To my hearts content,

Till my mind bursts with info,
Both useful and not,
About what to write,
And about what not,

About how to end it,
Gas or pills,
Nicotine or normal poisening,
What is within my skills,

Bean bags and a strap,
A bag and a cap,
Pulling tighter and tighter,
Pulling an all-nighter,

What can I pull off,
What and where can I buy,
Whatever I need,
What is enough,

What dosage do I need,
What do I combine with what,
Where do I do it,
And so I read and read,

My head turns calm,
Collected and at peace,
And while I might never share this,
I'm not on my knees,

Not praying for salvation,
Not praying for hope,
Not praying at all,
Not trying to cope,

But let loose and let free,
Be the me I want to be,
Being that me I am at peace,
Without paying the fees,

I smile and I laugh,
I am settled at last,
I am safe, I am home,
I am free, I am gone.