Venting Poem about coping with me cbting this year

[kitkatt]

I'll start pulling my luckys blinds

They say you're lucky if you make it to the last one but they don't like to advertise you're unlucky if you touch any before you start

I was handed my first cigarette not because I wanted it but because they thought I needed it. I was maybe 14 15 678910 who knows

I don't

I don't remember most things

Whether I brushed my hair or did I eat?

But I remember all the hurt

Whatever happens happens

But I can control one thing.

How it ends

Whether it be that spot in my mouth that won't leave like I wished everyone else hadn't or it be me taking every substance known to man and tapping my shut so I may no longer pour from an empty vessel.

Death calls me I've been avoiding her but it's no longer time.

I'll crawl to her.

I've yearned for her.

For him

But my heart can hold no more and it's

Through the floor

I can no longer carry it it's finally time I join her

I've meet him myself

I've met my own hurt

I wish it were him to end me but he is not who'll end this life

It is I

For I will undo my doing because I am deserving of peace

I'll slumber for centuries and maybe one day my soul will be awakened in a kinder century

But alas for I do not care I'm a corpse pretending already and I do not care what darkness holds so long as it

holds me.