Help Please oh please I don't know what to do please help me please help me

[Saturnine Seraph]

Please I have nowhere to turn I don't know what to do right now I've tried so hard to be strong but I can't anymore. There's nothing for me and I'm worthless no one cares, absolutely nobody cares no matter how much they say they do. We are in a world of narcissists and they are the most cruel people ever imaginable. How can a person continuously make promises and then break them in the next breath? How can a person get mad at me for making me sad in the first place? How is my sadness the reason for the emotional abuse and neglect. How can you tell someone you're their soulmate and the treat them like a piece of trash? fjawulghlieucgbaiubevwoigebiav adlsbiashgr;iobaoi;o;iarhgoiahsneivnsdivn How can a person fill you up just to tear you down?.... How?,... Oh God please help me! I don;t know what to do and I feel like I'm gong crazy. I gave up everything absolutely everything for this person. I feel so empty and lost. My spouse promised to always love me and protect me and to understand me. But when it comes time to actually do it they are never there. I'm too cowardly to kill myself and I'm too cowardly to leave. But the neglect is ripping my soul apart. How can a person say they care and then actually not care... and then blame me for it? I've done everything, I've changed, I've followed their rules but they never follow mine I've been heavily abused since I was a child and the abuse never seems to end. It's true, I;m not physically abused in this marriage, but my spouse has scrambled my brains over and over and over I love them but I don't think they are capable of loving anyone. My misery and suffering is nothing but an annoyance, my life means nothing I don;y know what to do. I've tried becoming emotionally numb but I can't. I've been forgiving only to be taken advantage of. I've stood up for myself only to be heartbroken when I make them sad and cry. How can a person demand better treatment for themselves without being willing to give out the same? How is unfairness considered fair? This person has beaten me down with hypocrisy and broken promises only to turn the tables on me 99.9% of the time. How do they demand my tenderness and I give it so freely and yet they withhold theirs constantly?I'm not perfect... I've said awful things and have acted mean, but I fix it 100% of the time, I fix it and I stay patient. They provoke me and use any little slip up on my part to completely delegitimize my feelings. I feel so nauseous with grief and anguish, and all this person thinks about is themselves. I'm scared to do charcoal out of fear of waking up and throwing up. I've had the noose around my neck so many times but the pain makes me chicken out. I'm so sad and lonely and I don't know what to do. If there's a God I wish they would just take me already I'm not religious but the idea of hell scares me enough to deter me from following through on going to sleep forever. Oh please please help me

 

[oversizedsweaters]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this, I think you're still unbelievable strong for holding on. Is there something I can do for you? You can always pm me of course <3

 

[usernameforhere]

Some people are very badly damaged and go through the world subconsciously trying to damage other people.

it's got nothing to do with you, or fairness, it's about them and projection. Some people really hate their lives and to make them feel better about it they try to make you hate yours.

I know such a person. It's sad. Sad on them. Be thankful you never had to resort to such behavior.
I'm so sorry you met such a person.

they won't ever change. They will move on to someone else and try to do the same thing again. Be careful they might also try to come back.
It's not your fault and I'm sorry.

 

[Endeavour]

I was married to a narcissist, took me 2 years to sort my head out afterwards.

They scramble your brains on a daily basis until you daren't trust your own judgment of reality any more.

 

[Saturnine Seraph]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this, I think you're still unbelievable strong for holding on. Is there something I can do for you? You can always pm me of course <3

Those are very kind words. I don't know what to do. All I want is to receive understanding in the same way that I give it, but I don't know if anyone is capable of that. My family has disowned me and so have my friends. I'm truly alone. I think I'm a kind person but at the same time I try to be as real as is politely possible. I can't stand surface level connection/conversations.

That's so kind of you to acknowledge any strength I may be showing... At this point strength feels so overrated. I give so much of my attention and a willing ear to anyone who needs to be heard, but it's never reciprocated I'm a person too, I have dreams, hopes, likes and dislikes There are things that make me beautiful and things that I've done that make me feel ugly about myself. I'm a human and everyone seems to punish me for it I'm far from perfect, but I can always acknowledge the pain I put anyone else through and with an open heart I try as hard as I can to reconcile the the hurt feelings that I have caused.

I was married to a narcissist, took me 2 years to sort my head out afterwards.

They scramble your brains on a daily basis until you daren't trust your own judgment of reality any more.

This is exactly how it feels

 

[Endeavour]

As part of my process I read everything I could, joined groups like over at Reddit, listened to experts, did CBT (didn't help much), and in the end found a simple meditation (just focusing on breathing - rising and falling), Mindfulness, and Stoicism to control my feelings.

I then took everything I'd learned, what they do, how they do it, added personal experiences, and the method I'd found (way to look at it and think about it) and started writing.

It was supposed to be a catharsis for me, I ended up formatting it into a book of what happens, how & why they do it, and how to recover afterwards.

I was going to launch it on Amazon as a kindle, but in the end I felt like the cogs in my head relating to her had stopped spinning and I just wanted to forget about it and put it behind me.

I keep thinking maybe I should publish it, but honestly I can't be bothered.

 

[oversizedsweaters]

It's hard that you don't get back what you give to others. I sometimes think that people who are the most hurt show the most empathy and compassion to one another, even though they are the ones who really need it. You deserve to be treated in the same way you treat other people. I think I understand what you mean with that you can't stand surface level conversations, I also just hate talking about shallow stuff like a job or school or other things that are only important for the people who mostly care about accomplishments.

 

[Endeavour]

It's hard that you don't get back what you give to others. I sometimes think that people who are the most hurt show the most empathy and compassion to one another, even though they are the ones who really need it. You deserve to be treated in the same way you treat other people. I think I understand what you mean with that you can't stand surface level conversations, I also just hate talking about shallow stuff like a job or school or other things that are only important for the people who mostly care about accomplishments.

I know what you mean. I went to meet some for a walk the other day to get out and felt quite good to be in the fresh air with some other people.

Quickly became depressing when they were talking about the weather, what they watched on tv, what they had for lunch and were going to have for dinner.

I just thought Lord, spare me this insane babbling.

LoL I'm a misery.

 

[diyCTB]

@Saturnine Seraph Hi, it is sad to hear what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone and there are others who are abused by narcissists. Everything negative narcissist tells you about yourself is a lie and serves for them as a way to feel superior and feed off of your emotional energy.

There are good Facebook groups dedicated to surviving victims of narcissistic abuse. Just search for "narcissist" and find supporting group. People who went through abuse can help

 

[Saturnine Seraph]

As part of my process I read everything I could, joined groups like over at Reddit, listened to experts, did CBT (didn't help much), and in the end found a simple meditation (just focusing on breathing - rising and falling), Mindfulness, and Stoicism to control my feelings.

I then took everything I'd learned, what they do, how they do it, added personal experiences, and the method I'd found (way to look at it and think about it) and started writing.

It was supposed to be a catharsis for me, I ended up formatting it into a book of what happens, how & why they do it, and how to recover afterwards.

I was going to launch it on Amazon as a kindle, but in the end I felt like the cogs in my head relating to her had stopped spinning and I just wanted to forget about it and put it behind me.

I keep thinking maybe I should publish it, but honestly I can't be bothered.

I am SO sorry you've walked this path that I'm currently going through. It's nauseating isn't it? I understand that even talking about it right now might trigger feelings of PTSD so thank you graciously for sharing your kind words and experiences. I've done research too and overall I feel like this is the only place where anyone might understand.

And thank you everyone for your replies and reactions. I'm trying so hard to distract myself from what I believe is... Frankly put, a living nightmare. Because the love-bombing is what comes next from the person who is hurting me. And it feels so good to accept it and just believe that everything will be okay again... yet the cycle I'm sure will continue... Acting cold to the love bombing and me practicing grey rocking only make me feel like a bad person rejecting the love that my spouse has for me. I believe on some level that they love me... But I think they will always love themselves more than anyone. I don't think I can manage to have children with this person And all I've ever wanted was a happy, loving, innocent family life

Thank you again everyone for your time and patience. I may not be super active here.... And selfishly I might only return when I'm in need (God I hate how selfish I sound)

 

[Endeavour]

Keep your chin up.

 

[Saturnine Seraph]

@Saturnine Seraph Hi, it is sad to hear what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone and there are others who are abused by narcissists. Everything negative narcissist tells you about yourself is a lie and serves for them as a way to feel superior and feed off of your emotional energy.

There are good Facebook groups dedicated to surviving victims of narcissistic abuse. Just search for "narcissist" and find supporting group. People who went through abuse can help

Thank you for the resources. It's difficult because sometimes I feel like I'M the narcissist for dwelling on my sadness and having the self-esteem to defend myself.

 

[Endeavour]

Thank you for the resources. It's difficult because sometimes I feel like I'M the narcissist for dwelling on my sadness and having the self-esteem to defend myself.

If you can even contemplate that you might be in the wrong and might be a narcissist - then you are not a narcissist.

They believe they are perfect, which is why they fly into a narcissistic rage over even the tiniest things if they feel like they're being criticised - it shatters the illusion, or rather they realise you don't share their belief that they are the most special unique person in the whole world.

The person sat there feeling like crap is not the narcissist.

Guaranteed.

 

[Saturnine Seraph]

It's hard that you don't get back what you give to others. I sometimes think that people who are the most hurt show the most empathy and compassion to one another, even though they are the ones who really need it. You deserve to be treated in the same way you treat other people. I think I understand what you mean with that you can't stand surface level conversations, I also just hate talking about shallow stuff like a job or school or other things that are only important for the people who mostly care about accomplishments.

Thank you for even gracing my problems with a thought. Your responses are helping to keep me calm right now... Because I feel like I'm on the brink of hysteria. The breathing exercises mentioned by Endeavour are helping too. If anyone here needs an empathetic heart or ear, you can always contact me.

 

[oversizedsweaters]

Aah good to hear that you're already beginning to feel a bit better! That's so good! <3

 

[Anonymous 4]

Im sorry for your pain, you sound like you have such good heart and I can feel the hurt in how you have worded this, what ever you think you are not worthless, as hard as that might be for you to believe your not, thing is we feel we need people coz life have broken us from what we were ment to be. Please remeber this quote I'm going to make,

A father gave his son a old watched that stopped working, he said take it to the jewlers down the road and ask what they will give you, so the son went Down the road, came back and said, the man offered £1000 coz its a old watch, I should of sold it, the father said don't sell it yet, take it to the antique shop and ask what they will pay, so he went off came back and told his dad they offered £5000 and he is going back to get the money, the dad said now take the watch to the museum and ask, so he went off, came back home and said, dad the watch is one of a kind hand made and is a collectable, they offered a million pound so they can preserve the watch and display it in there museum, should I go back and take the money,

The father said, just like this watch, most people will not know your value, others will know your value and take advantage of it, the moral of the story is, place yourself with people who understand your value.

As I said you sound like a good hearted Person that don't understand evil people coz its not in your nature, please change the people in your life and find peace, you are not worthless, fact is you most likely have 10X the worth of others, but your kind heart has been used against you. I wish you peace, and I hope you find happiness x

Please I have nowhere to turn I don't know what to do right now I've tried so hard to be strong but I can't anymore. There's nothing for me and I'm worthless no one cares, absolutely nobody cares no matter how much they say they do. We are in a world of narcissists and they are the most cruel people ever imaginable. How can a person continuously make promises and then break them in the next breath? How can a person get mad at me for making me sad in the first place? How is my sadness the reason for the emotional abuse and neglect. How can you tell someone you're their soulmate and the treat them like a piece of trash? fjawulghlieucgbaiubevwoigebiav adlsbiashgr;iobaoi;o;iarhgoiahsneivnsdivn How can a person fill you up just to tear you down?.... How?,... Oh God please help me! I don;t know what to do and I feel like I'm gong crazy. I gave up everything absolutely everything for this person. I feel so empty and lost. My spouse promised to always love me and protect me and to understand me. But when it comes time to actually do it they are never there. I'm too cowardly to kill myself and I'm too cowardly to leave. But the neglect is ripping my soul apart. How can a person say they care and then actually not care... and then blame me for it? I've done everything, I've changed, I've followed their rules but they never follow mine I've been heavily abused since I was a child and the abuse never seems to end. It's true, I;m not physically abused in this marriage, but my spouse has scrambled my brains over and over and over I love them but I don't think they are capable of loving anyone. My misery and suffering is nothing but an annoyance, my life means nothing I don;y know what to do. I've tried becoming emotionally numb but I can't. I've been forgiving only to be taken advantage of. I've stood up for myself only to be heartbroken when I make them sad and cry. How can a person demand better treatment for themselves without being willing to give out the same? How is unfairness considered fair? This person has beaten me down with hypocrisy and broken promises only to turn the tables on me 99.9% of the time. How do they demand my tenderness and I give it so freely and yet they withhold theirs constantly?I'm not perfect... I've said awful things and have acted mean, but I fix it 100% of the time, I fix it and I stay patient. They provoke me and use any little slip up on my part to completely delegitimize my feelings. I feel so nauseous with grief and anguish, and all this person thinks about is themselves. I'm scared to do charcoal out of fear of waking up and throwing up. I've had the noose around my neck so many times but the pain makes me chicken out. I'm so sad and lonely and I don't know what to do. If there's a God I wish they would just take me already I'm not religious but the idea of hell scares me enough to deter me from following through on going to sleep forever. Oh please please help me