Help please help my mum found my primperan

[therhydler]

it came in the mail and I didn't want to open the package in front of her so she opened it in secret and confiscated it. she knows I want to ctb because my first attempt failed. I was on the phone with her just now and asked her if she took my package and she said yes I asked her if she had opened it she said yes and that she doesn't think I should have that on me right now. I was at a loss for something to say that was my only hope, to use for N or SN but now I know she will check everything I order... so I just hanged up. is there anything I can say to mask this up somehow? maybe even make her give it back to me? I feel so hopeless this was my only chance...

 

[ausboy96]

it came in the mail and I didn't want to open the package in front of her so she opened it in secret and confiscated it. she knows I want to ctb because my first attempt failed. I was on the phone with her just now and asked her if she took my package and she said yes I asked her if she had opened it she said yes and that she doesn't think I should have that on me right now. I was at a loss for something to say that was my only hope, to use for N or SN but now I know she will check everything I order... so I just hanged up. is there anything I can say to mask this up somehow? maybe even make her give it back to me? I feel so hopeless this was my only chance...

Is it possible to open a PO box?

 

[therhydler]

Is it possible to open a PO box?

yes I think I will have to do that and order it again... I am just so desperate to go...

 

[sólstafir]

ah, too bad you didn't say to her it's for migraines :(

 

[Lifeisatrap]

I feel your pain. Having to still live under the watchful eyes of parents as an adult is dreadful:( I bought an ebay card but am hesitant to use it for this very reason. I'm gonna have to stick with just the zofran and stop kidding myself.

 

[311]

I feel you man. Too hopeless to leave the house. It's tough.

 

[kkatt]

As for something to say,she's your mother. Only a mother can know how it feels to love their child. It's an instinctive response to Love and protect our young to ensure survival. She can't help that it's killing her to see this happen.
If she knows this is your intention,sit down and talk to her honestly. She may feel more at ease because you've shown her trust or it could help her to understand. How can it really make things any worse? She knows she's going to lose her child and there's nothing she can do to stop it,but it's her instinctive response to do whatever she is able to. Tell her you love her and you'll always love her. That it's not her fault. People assume these things are understood tacitly but psychic abilities are unlikely,so pls do tell her. It can't hurt.
What's more,our offspring remain our babies even beyond their death. Please don't blame her for being human. Try to understand.

Don't expect her to knowingly help in killing her own child by giving them back. You know sometimes we don't even like our kids, but we can't help but love them. It's a natural response. You'll find another way. There is always another way. But please try to not include her in this. Try to imagine,if you can, how it must feel.

 

[therhydler]

As for something to say,she's your mother. Only a mother can know how it feels to love their child. It's an instinctive response to Love and protect our young to ensure survival. She can't help that it's killing her to see this happen.
If she knows this is your intention,sit down and talk to her honestly. She may feel more at ease because you've shown her trust or it could help her to understand. How can it really make things any worse? She knows she's going to lose her child and there's nothing she can do to stop it,but it's her instinctive response to do whatever she is able to. Tell her you love her and you'll always love her. That it's not her fault. People assume these things are understood tacitly but psychic abilities are unlikely,so pls do tell her. It can't hurt.
What's more,our offspring remain our babies even beyond their death. Please don't blame her for being human. Try to understand.

Don't expect her to knowingly help in killing her own child by giving them back. You know sometimes we don't even like our kids, but we can't help but love them. It's a natural response. You'll find another way. There is always another way. But please try to not include her in this. Try to imagine,if you can, how it must feel.

I know it must be agonizing for her. But I can't help wanting to ctb. I just can't.

 

[Jen Erik]

If she knows this is your intention,sit down and talk to her honestly.

But please try to not include her in this.

These two morsels of advice seem contradictory. Can you elaborate?

 

[kkatt]

These two morsels of advice seem contradictory. Can you elaborate?

Sorry if it seems confusing.
Talking to her now about what she might face in the future might help her to prepare and then to cope afterwards,emotionally.

Involving her in physically assisting her child in dying or knowingly placing themselves in a position where she will have to discover her dead child is just increasing the agony.

It's hard to describe or imagine without knowing maternal love. Honestly is the only possible way to assist her, IMO. But knowingly worsening the situation by affirming any feelings of guilt and regret,or imprinting that image of her child (as death is never pretty) on her mind,would be consciously torturing this woman.

I don't know if that seems any clearer. I just know some of the things I've been through with my parents and my own children and the only thing that has helped is honesty. But you can't ask them to contribute to your demise.

 

[Jen Erik]

I don't know if that seems any clearer. I just know some of the things I've been through with my parents and my own children and the only thing that has helped is honesty. But you can't ask them to contribute to your demise.

Thanks for explaining. I don't have children myself so it helps to hear this point of view.

I sat down with my one of my parents to have a conversation a few years ago and it went rather poorly, but I imagine that had a lot to do with the way I presented my ideas. It was very 'me'-centric, and I think that was not the best way to go about it, in retrospect.

 

[kkatt]

Thanks for explaining. I don't have children myself so it helps to hear this point of view.

I sat down with my one of my parents to have a conversation a few years ago and it went rather poorly, but I imagine that had a lot to do with the way I presented my ideas. It was very 'me'-centric, and I think that was not the best way to go about it, in retrospect.

It's very hard to understand something if you've not been in that position. Especially an instinctive response.
So please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

Also,there is always the use of a technique called "motivational interviewing" which is a scientifically proven method of persuading the other party to be persuaded aswell as a great way of making them feel their position in the conversation is valued.

 

[TiredHorse]

I just want to commend @kkatt for her suggestion. Hers is a genuinely kind and thoughtful approach, and one that is not so improbable as some here might expect.

Over the past year I have had just such conversations with my mother as she recommends. They have not been easy, and my mother has not been happy about my decision or about the situation in general, and she certainly has never in any way indicated any acceptance of being accessory to my death, but we now speak with the acknowledgement that I may not be around much longer. My mother has not called in "welfare checks," nor attempted to have me committed. Granted, this would be difficult since I'm 49, but she could easily have made my life considerably more complex, and she hasn't.

As near as I can tell, Kkatt is absolutely right: until you are a mother, you can never comprehend a mother's bone-deep dedication to a child's survival. But that doesn't mean she won't understand agony, and the human need to make the agony stop. A calm, thoughtful conversation might go better than expected.

 

[therhydler]

I just want to commend @kkatt for her suggestion. Hers is a genuinely kind and thoughtful approach, and one that is not so improbable as some here might expect.

Over the past year I have had just such conversations with my mother as she recommends. They have not been easy, and my mother has not been happy about my decision or about the situation in general, and she certainly has never in any way indicated any acceptance of being accessory to my death, but we now speak with the acknowledgement that I may not be around much longer. My mother has not called in "welfare checks," nor attempted to have me committed. Granted, this would be difficult since I'm 49, but she could easily have made my life considerably more complex, and she hasn't.

As near as I can tell, Kkatt is absolutely right: until you are a mother, you can never comprehend a mother's bone-deep dedication to a child's survival. But that doesn't mean she won't understand agony, and the human need to make the agony stop. A calm, thoughtful conversation might go better than expected.

I have talked with her many times about it... and I know it is something she will never accept. Which is of course understandable, but I must now wear a permanent mask if I am ever to succeed

 

[CalculatedFailure]

Have you heard of the yew method? There's a megathread for it; basically as long as you live within the majority of N. America or Europe you have access to a plant that will cause cardiac arrest while unconscious within an hour of use.

 

[therhydler]

Edit: found it in my mums bag, took the tablets out and left her the package... hope it will go unnoticed. Gives me the tiniest bit of hope to know I am more in control...

 

[TiredHorse]

Well done!

 

[Final Escape]

Edit: found it in my mums bag, took the tablets out and left her the package... hope it will go unnoticed. Gives me the tiniest bit of hope to know I am more in control...

If u can, definitely get a PO Box. It isn't super cheap but u would only need it for a short time anyway.