Help please help me

[buniso]

okay, so to start things off with, i am only 18 and this is my first thread here and im pretty new to this whole site,.. but i seriously need help because im trying so hard to hold on when theres nothing positive in my life anymore. i just want advice, compassion??, or someone to just listen to me,, dont know lol

anyway, this might be long so i apologize, but i ran away a couple of months ago to my current gf (im a girl), because my dad is an abuser and sexual predator. he hurt me in ways that have stuck with me for so many years. i have ptsd and bpd, so having stable friendships/relationships is rlly hard for me when ive been in a vicious cycle of abuse lol. and im not saying im not the problem, i do obviously cause many issues in other peoples life which i regret deeply, but this is how i learned to treat others as a child (and im trying to work on myself). my current gf is abusive and narcissistic. while i do admit i have caused her issues because i put all of my emotions on her and it overwhelms her, i still feel as if though im being treated unfairly.

she lives with her mom, so im living with both her and her mom. her mom has treated me really well and helped me thru so much which im forever thankful. (before anyone says anything, i have helped them with their house and money and ive been trying my best to make her mom happy. they were the ones who offered the stay, and i just needed a family, so im trying to not be ungrateful by saying all this) my gf offered me help out of my abusive situation. however, she is getting rlly irritated that im still mentally ill even after leaving my parents home, but i cant help that. everytime i cry she gets mad at me and yells. she hit me yesterday out of anger and yelled the whole night bc i was crying lol. (we were arguing because she has been treating me different lately and it made me upset) i usually try to communicate with her over these kind of stuff so she understands my feelings, but she literally refuses to understand or listen. its getting so tiring but i love her so much and i literally depend on her. ive been trying to get better mentally for her (trying to find therapy atm), and ive been changing all the actions she has wished for me to change, but she refuses to change her own shitty actions. she keeps threatening to kick me out or ruin my sister's lives, and it genuinely does suck because i already lost all my friends and everyrhing ive had, so i have absolutely nowhere to go. i dont want to be homeless. and im tired of being treated like this. she always ignores me everytime im upset and im terrified of telling her any of my feelings bc she gets angry so easily :/ she thinks im crazy for having mental breakdowns, but again, i cant help it (but im trying to,) and while i dont expect her to deal with all my emotional trauma, i would hope she understood where im coming from. i feel like she hates me. and im so tired of this lol. i literally always end up in shitty situations in my life and i feel like ill never get better or have a good life. i jsut want to be happy and i seriously dont know what to do. im scared and im young and i have no idea how life works. i just wish someone fucking cared

 

[timf]

There are several paths before you. Some are brazen and bold like going in the Army or moving to another city and starting just on your own. Some are alternative dependencies such as other friends or relatives or even applying for welfare because of mental illness issues.

Your journey so far sounds like it may be turning out to be "out of the frying pan, into the fire". Your current situation depends on your current relationship. If that falters, you may be forced to make some difficult choices.

You may want to explore the logistics of what would be needed to make use of shelters or churches if it came to that. If things fall apart suddenly, sometimes the police can be a good place to start as they sometimes have experience helping pople get connected with resources.

 

[Mentalmick]

This sounds like a very toxic and abusive relationship. You really need to get out of it. Are there any social services you can try?

 

[TessB]

okay, so to start things off with, i am only 18 and this is my first thread here and im pretty new to this whole site,.. but i seriously need help because im trying so hard to hold on when theres nothing positive in my life anymore. i just want advice, compassion??, or someone to just listen to me,, dont know lol

anyway, this might be long so i apologize, but i ran away a couple of months ago to my current gf (im a girl), because my dad is an abuser and sexual predator. he hurt me in ways that have stuck with me for so many years. i have ptsd and bpd, so having stable friendships/relationships is rlly hard for me when ive been in a vicious cycle of abuse lol. and im not saying im not the problem, i do obviously cause many issues in other peoples life which i regret deeply, but this is how i learned to treat others as a child (and im trying to work on myself). my current gf is abusive and narcissistic. while i do admit i have caused her issues because i put all of my emotions on her and it overwhelms her, i still feel as if though im being treated unfairly.

she lives with her mom, so im living with both her and her mom. her mom has treated me really well and helped me thru so much which im forever thankful. (before anyone says anything, i have helped them with their house and money and ive been trying my best to make her mom happy. they were the ones who offered the stay, and i just needed a family, so im trying to not be ungrateful by saying all this) my gf offered me help out of my abusive situation. however, she is getting rlly irritated that im still mentally ill even after leaving my parents home, but i cant help that. everytime i cry she gets mad at me and yells. she hit me yesterday out of anger and yelled the whole night bc i was crying lol. (we were arguing because she has been treating me different lately and it made me upset) i usually try to communicate with her over these kind of stuff so she understands my feelings, but she literally refuses to understand or listen. its getting so tiring but i love her so much and i literally depend on her. ive been trying to get better mentally for her (trying to find therapy atm), and ive been changing all the actions she has wished for me to change, but she refuses to change her own shitty actions. she keeps threatening to kick me out or ruin my sister's lives, and it genuinely does suck because i already lost all my friends and everyrhing ive had, so i have absolutely nowhere to go. i dont want to be homeless. and im tired of being treated like this. she always ignores me everytime im upset and im terrified of telling her any of my feelings bc she gets angry so easily :/ she thinks im crazy for having mental breakdowns, but again, i cant help it (but im trying to,) and while i dont expect her to deal with all my emotional trauma, i would hope she understood where im coming from. i feel like she hates me. and im so tired of this lol. i literally always end up in shitty situations in my life and i feel like ill never get better or have a good life. i jsut want to be happy and i seriously dont know what to do. im scared and im young and i have no idea how life works. i just wish someone fucking cared

That's a horrible situation I'm so sorry.
Firstly we care about you and we are here for you.
I'm guessing you're in the US and I'm unsure of how mental health/ housing works where you are but I really feel you need good practical advice right now. You are in an abusive relationship and if you are only 18 and diagnosed with bpd are there not medical or social services available to help you? In the uk I think you'd be eligible for emergency housing or admittance to a refuge.. is there anything like that where you are?
What struck me about your post was towards the end you wrote 'I just want to be happy' , you didn't write 'I just want to be dead', which makes me hope you will strive for happiness and life rather than any other outcome.

 

[WornOutLife]

Alright, that's a complicated situation to be in.
However, everything can be summed up like this: you're suffering lots in that environment. It is not helping you at all.

If your gf really loved you, she wouldn't treat you like this. It's nonsense. You never chose to have mental illnesses. It's just the way you are and people'd better accept this or they can go to hell!

What I'd do, if I were in your shoes, would be to try to endure some more months while saving some money and leave that house. You can always get a cheap rent even though your work sucks. You might not have a luxury life but you will be happier than being there.

Also, you have one advantage; her mother is really nice to you right? Alright! That's cool! Talk to her lots, make her feel comfortable and tell her stuff like "I can't give you any money this month I'm really sorry" so that you can save all of that money for a future new rent.

There are lots of jobs out there which will allow you to be independent.

Sad part, you'll lose your gf and I bet you'll miss her but just think things through; she's not being nice to you at all. She doesn't deserve such a beautiful and nice person like you in her life.

Hugs

 

[gus.nixon]

I don't know how this site works really, but I think if you have more posts you can begin engaging with others here privately. Most of the people I've met here are really good people who can 100% relate to you. I myself had a family member who abused me physically and sexually and it's affected me and my relationships with others my whole life, so from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry.

Keep in mind that there are some lunatics here too, so be smart about the people you talk to and use standard caution. I happen to be a man, so it would probably be more beneficial to you to seek out other women who can relate to your situation (trust me, there are a ton of us here)

 

[A Retarded Demon]

It's been mentioned in this thread before but the military is a very good choice as you will gain a home and a massive family that'll watch your back through the worst humanity can throw at you, all it requires is that initial willingness for hard work.