Discussion Playing it safe or indulging in your last moments

[sullengirl]

I am almost done with preparations, just waiting on one more item to come in. All I have left is the location! However, I have a dilemma. At the moment, ctb'ing at my parents house will be the most foolproof plan. I have had seizures, fallen, violently vomited, etc & stayed in my room for days without anyone checking in on me. So I know I will be able to CTB undisturbed, possibly for days or weeks. However, this will cause a lot of problems with selling the house, cause a bit more trauma for everyone, and I frankly wouldn't be comfortable or peaceful at home.

I also have the choice of booking a hotel room with a sunset view, but with money I don't really have. This is ideal but slightly risky in the event that make a lot of noise or if the process takes longer than expected. Higher risk in exchange for being at peace for a couple of days with a gentler transition. The last option is my car, which is kind of the "best" of both worlds because I'll be comfortable and outside of my home. I don't know how great of an option that is for SN, and I would have to drive extremely far for some seclusion.

I would just like someone to talk to about my options. I've been in my head overthinking it way too much for weeks now, and the optimal choice is likely way more simple than I'm making it out to be. I believe that having some insight will bring me clarity and peace of mind, and it's not like I have anyone else to discuss this with. Ignore me if this is a stupid reason to start a thread.

I guess the questions I have for you all are: Would you spend money you don't have, indulge, and take some risks on your last moments? Or would you just like to get it over with, play it safe, disregard your own comfort?

 

[CrushedHopes]

I think the fact that I'll be ingesting painkillers, antacid and lbuprofen for the SN method is comforting enough. I'll pass out before I'll even feel any pain. Which is good, cuz I really can't stand physical pain (or else I would have considered really painful CTB methods already). I won't be indulging, since I plan to CTB ASAP. I hope you find peace.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Usually the best answer is neither. It usually falls somewhere in between. Life and everything in it is a delicate balance. In a situation like this no one can really tell you what your best option would be. I'd take some time to further explore your options and find the solution that fits you best.

 

[trynacbt]

If you don't feel comfortable at home, I'd personally go with the hotel option--this is your last act, after all.

But that may just be me & my wishful thinking--because in my situation, I'm going to have to ctb in a very small apartment and hope to everything I have left that nobody finds me...

 

[sullengirl]

I think the fact that I'll be ingesting painkillers, antacid and lbuprofen is comforting enough. I won't be indulging, since I plan to CTB ASAP. I hope you find peace.

Thinking this deeply about the parts that don't actually matter seems futile... There's only one true comfort to consider in this situation. Thank you for your words.

Usually the best answer is neither. It usually falls somewhere in between. Life and everything in it is a delicate balance. In a situation like this no one can really tell you what your best option would be. I'd take some time to further explore your options and find the solution that fits you best.

I think I should have a different approach to my dilemma. I was caught up in which option is most rational and ethical, but there's no "good" answer. It is largely up to will and where I find the balance that will bring me ultimate peace. Thank you for your insight, much to think about.

If you don't feel comfortable at home, I'd personally go with the hotel option--this is your last act, after all.

But that may just be me & my wishful thinking--because in my situation, I'm going to have to ctb in a very small apartment and hope to everything I have left that nobody finds me...

You are right, I'll be thinking of what you said to me. I'm lucky to have many options that will come down to only my will and simple rationale. I hope for the best for you, my friend. Thank you.

 

[Depressed_7]

Hey.... are you still there?