Venting Planning to ctb tonight

[Lambybahhhhhh]

All I've done today is eat junk food as it is my 'last day'. I don't feel the urge to do it right now, but I know I'll feel it soon. If I don't, Im thinking rereading every shitty message and listening to the most depressing songs I know. Radiohead takes that trophy lol. I don't know why im posting my plans here, I guess it helps my conscience that someone knew what was going through my head.

I feel guilty though, for my partner. They recently got a job, something they've been needing and wanting for a long time and I feel like an asshole for even planning to end my life. They seemed worried when I didn't answer their messages, since I was sleeping. Am I an asshole for doing this to him? As much as I want to think it's their fault, I can't place all the blame for my suicidal thoughts on anyone. And I don't want to, either. It just makes things easier. I just don't want to deal with such pain ever again. I don't want to live, im not cut out for living. Im not.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see myself as not meant for any of this, I understand wanting to be free from it all, I also just wish to never suffer ever again, I'd never wish for the pain of existing. But anyway I wish you the best.