Planning method stuff.

[Busridin'26]

Gotta re-read the SN thread. I've read it a lot over the yrs but needa figure out what meds I am missing... think I have most though?

My doctor isn't particularly hard pressed about prescribing things... sooo getting something like meto shouldn't be too hard especially with all the freaking nausea I've been experiencing anyway.

My appt is in 2 weeks so there's that

Maybe could try a walk in if I wanna go faster? I'm not sure how long it'll take for SN to come tho.


I'm not sure if ima leave a note. It makes me feel really stressed out and emotional. Even leaving a video would depend on mind state and I just don't have the energy or care anymore.

Might just be something to effect of: I'm tired of trying for things to get better. I want to live in better and it's getting worse again. I'm done & giving up now.

Something like that...

Maybe I should sell my guitar and have nitrogen as an option anyway... eh... or just try for it if SN fails...


There's really not much to do. My life is simple beyond the plethora of health issues, poverty and trauma fucking up everything. Well maybe it's not simple but my point is I'm my only responsibility so... there's not much of anything needed.

I don't really care if anyone reads anything of mine when I'm gone. Idgaf. Was writing at times of stress anyway. Truly who cares? Worry about what anyone will think after I'm gone is pointless.

That's all... disconneting or staying connected I dunno. Doesn't matter. I dunno wtf the worker said to my brother but every convo with him is weird as fuck now. He barely tells me anything anymore. It's cold & off putting as hell. It's fucking hurtful. I don't even wanna bother asking why anymore. My brother was my brother & he feels like a complete stranger now.

So even if I wanted to go hang out or smthin. It's pointless. They don't want me anyway. No one genuinely does anymore.

Im just a suicidal mental case.

So whatever tbh... I hope I can end this soon...


I don't think ima be able to sleep much anymore so I will see how the morning goes....

For me to plan I need a dedicated document. I feel like I need a back up too. So I'm thinking of that.


I'm scared of pain. Scared to fail. Scared to die. Do wanna live but I want all this painful shit to be over. I can't bare with living much longer. So close to attempting on a bridge but lemme do something a lil more grounded or whatever.


So im gettin down to & amping myself up to do the nitty gritty.

 

[Aries]

Ohhhh....so sad. Sorry about your brother

 

[squirley]

SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Busridin'26]

Ohhhh....so sad. Sorry about your brother

Yeahh I guess I only had use/value when I was just listening to his problems. I'm guessing he's tryna "listen more" but he barly (as usual) wanted to hear any of my poems.

I was gonna read it and he was like just send it & I was like ur just gonna ignore it anyway & I needa practice reading it out loud... wasn't until I said I needa practice that he was open to hearing it... he was just gonna ignore it.

I've tried to get him engaged with my life in ways like that but he just doesn't care much...

I dunno if I'm even truly losing much when it comes to him anyway. You can't force someone to care about you...

SN Bible Sodium Nitrite Method (Comprehensive Guide SN Method)

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document is a compilation of different sn information, members inputs, important posts related to sn, recorded suicide cases related to sn, different research on sn and so on. This document also give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thnxxx this is the guide I've been reading but think I had closed the tab.

Vizzy really did some amazing things for this community before he left. R.I.P

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is so cruel and it must be tiring what you have to go through, to me it's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from all the suffering, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Aries]

I sometimes experience that from my brother. And I understand how much that hurts.......it hurts madly. Considering our Mom died and we're the only real siblings left. So sorry for your pain

 

[Busridin'26]

Existence really is so cruel and it must be tiring what you have to go through, to me it's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from all the suffering, I wish you the best with your plans.

Thnx FuneralCry you're responses on my posts are comforting & make me feel less alone.

Sometimes/Most the time it's easy to minimize what I go through. That what was done to me my whole life so it's taken a lot to validate myself.

Not having to be strong and being able to acknowledge the pain/struggles helps a lot.

I sometimes experience that from my brother. And I understand how much that hurts.......it hurts madly. Considering our Mom died and we're the only real siblings left. So sorry for your pain

Wow... I'm so sorry to hear that your mom died & that ur relationship is like that. I hope you're both able to have closer moments & such.

I shouldn't even be hurt tbh bc with my brother it's always been like this. But it does hurt still.