• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block.

I

Itsbeenalongtime

Member
Nov 3, 2021
71
Today I was organising for a trip I want to make with my friends on May... but I also don't want to live till May. I'd like to ctb in April if things go to plan. I had to make an excuse for someone else to make the booking and pay early in case I'm not there to see it through, I was even thinking about repeat trips next year... but hopefully I won't be alive. Idk sometimes it feels so weird planning for a future you may not be part of but I also don't want to sabotage my life more if I end up still being here. I wish I could guarantee my death and just spend my last few months doing exactly what I want to do but I have to keep up appearances!
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Crazy4u, onleana, Circles and 5 others
WhiteRabbit

WhiteRabbit

I'm late, i'm late. For a very important date.
Feb 12, 2019
1,725
I was was just thinking this when I made my retirement contribution this year. I know i'm not going to make it to 65.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Crazy4u, SuicidallyCurious, Circles and 1 other person
W

waitingforrest

Elementalist
Dec 27, 2021
842
I was was just thinking this when I made my retirement contribution this year. I know i'm not going to make it to 65.
Yep, same boat here. I don't even know why I plan for old age.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Crazy4u, TerminalConscience and Circles
A

allesistgut

Experienced
Jan 22, 2022
275
i've been feeling similar lately and it's definitely an odd feeling talking about/planning things for a future i know i very likely won't be here for.

i found it somewhat difficult when i was speaking with my friends recently and we got talking about some things we would do together in the more immediate future, but also in the years to come. and i don't know it hurt. i had a bit of a breakdown in a bathroom, although there was alcohol involved so i don't know.

i'm also still doing things like trying to get some stuff sorted out with my education and it feels pretty pointless to be honest.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Circles and forgetme
Kristicide

Kristicide

I am a prisoner locked up behind xanax bars
Dec 16, 2021
330
I do this in a self soothing way by browsing my favorite fashion app everyday and "window shopping". Basically putting a bunch of things on a wishlist or in my cart (I have no intention of buying them). But I like to think of all the cute outfits I'd wear.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Itsbeenalongtime, allesistgut and Circles
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,151
Your feelings are understandable. Of course it makes sense to make plans as we cannot be certain we will be dead by that point. Personally, I do not want to make any plans, apart from plans to ctb, there is nothing I want from this life and living hurts me. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Itsbeenalongtime
Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
same here. active ctb planning really changes perspective
 

Similar threads

tinybrokenfingers
Replies
6
Views
441
Suicide Discussion
tinybrokenfingers
tinybrokenfingers
usernamesarehard
Replies
10
Views
551
Recovery
getoutgirl
getoutgirl
Sarros
Replies
7
Views
611
Recovery
Wolf Girl
Wolf Girl
waistcoat
Replies
19
Views
1K
Suicide Discussion
madwoman8
madwoman8