Planned date vs impulsive

[greyhound]

I am debating whether to plan everything out including the date or just CTB semi-impulsively.

I sort of suspect that if I plan everything out, get a hotel room etc, I will get extremely anxious as the date approaches.

The impulsive method would mean simply waiting for a moment when the pain is too great, slug down an anti emetic and then N soon afterwards.

The impulsive way would be easier for me to overcome SI I think as I already get a lot of urges to just slug down my N and be done with it.

The downside of impulsive is that it would likely take place at my home with greater chance of discovery. But if timed to night then not sure if it's really more of a risk than going to a hotel.

I think all the drama of goodbye threads, letters, etc are just going to increase my SI. I have already taken care of the major things, will, etc. Affairs are mostly in order. I could probably go anytime at this point and be ok.

 

[boc]

Hey man, Seen you around for a while, always appreciate your posts. I can totally relate to your predicament. I'm really sure I want to CTB, but my courage on any given day can vary. It's hard to get over SI, and I don't want to feel locked into a date if I book a hotel etc. I think it depends on your living situation. It sounds like you're living with others, which makes things 10x more difficult.

My current plan is to accumulate everything I need (N, meto, etc), then write all my notes in advance and wait. I don't really have many other items to worry about, so it shouldn't be an issue for me otherwise. For yourself, if you're in a shared living situation, you could do the same. If you have N, you're probably fine with doing it at night and being found in the morning. If you really want to get away, you can always book a last minute hotel room in your town. By the time anyone would track you down to the hotel, you should be gone.

Good luck.

 

[littlelungs]

I completely understand where you're coming from.

I can only speak for myself, but I would get all of the supplies (depending on what method I've decided to go with), write my notes, have everything more or less ready to go, and then wait until it all just gets so bad that I truly feel I can't take it anymore, and then ctb... so, do the actual act of ctb impulsively. Everyone is a little different in that sense, but that's how I'd do it.

There have been countless times in the past where I've set a date, booked a hotel etc, and then gotten cold feet as the date got closer and closer. I'd have to do it on impulse, otherwise I just overthink everything and it makes everything significantly more difficult than it already is, and survival instinct is way more likely to kick in, which is obviously a massive hurdle in itself. When I plan a date I just end up psyching myself out and I (obviously) don't end up going through with it.

Sending hugs and good luck for whatever you decide to do.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

I will also most likely do it on impulse, that's why I'm slowly getting things ready for that day.

 

[FuneralCry]

My ctb will definitely be impulsive when I reach the point of desperation. I think if I had a certain date planned a long time in advance, the SI would get in the way.

 

[Seiba]

I want a plan personally when I get my method since I would need to leave home anyway. Not like it needs to be complex, a plan can be as simple as in two days of getting the method get a day use hotel and leave at X time. The downside is for me being a neet who lives with a parent is if I get a method and do it impulsively at home then I will be found and sent to a hospital or the alternative of having to do so outside acres behind the house, which is not a prospect I want to consider much.

 

[xkonstantinexx]

I do not have a date set yet although I already have all my supplies for SN. It's a bit hard for me because my family is aware of my intentions to CTB. So the plan is to fake recovery as much as I can until they let their guards down and then go for the stat dose because I won't have time for the 48 hours regime. I'm also undecided on the location, still weighing the pros and cons of either doing it outside or indoors. The country I'm in is currently in lockdown due to Covid-19 so I don't have to worry about being found before I pass on.