Help Places to CTB?

[Erase.myself]

I know there has been a thread on this question before. I looked them up through the search bar, read through them and did not find them to be helpful due to my specific situation.

My situation is that when I didn't follow through with my ctb plan on Monday at a hotel, I literally spent all the money I had left on the hotel, SN, Dr. Appointment (Meto), & supplies. I cannot and will not ctb at my home because I live in a sober living home with several women...so there's 100% chance that I'd get caught and "saved".

I don't have any money for another hotel, and I would prefer not getting a job just to get one paycheck to use just to ctb. I know others said I wasn't ready on Monday and I feel that now that I've gotten to give my mom one last hug and say goodbye yesterday....I am ready to go. One hundred percent ready.

Does anyone have any suggestions on where to ctb that is free of cost and where I wouldn't get caught? I don't have a car, don't have money for a tent, and forest area sounds appealing yet we have a large homeless population here, so a lot of people sleep in forest areas or go hiking etc.

I no longer want to stay for others anymore...including my mom. I want to be done with this life.

 

[niloc]

Around where I live there are several smaller nature preserves and parks. So far, the attempts I've made have happened in them. I simply find a far, out of the way tree that's fallen and sit on it. So far, I've gone on fairly nice weather days and simply sat and tried to psych myself into it. A gunshot behind the ear is going to be messy so I'm at least going to do it outside so someone doesn't have to deal with it.

Then again, another spot I've scoped out if I wanted to be found slightly easier is a tucked away baseball diamond about 2 blocks away from me in a smaller city park It's far enough off the road that no one would see me initially, but with it being a park, there's a chance someone would find me a few days later. I'm not sure, somehow doing it on some bleachers hidden behind a field just seems not right. Easy to walk to though.

 

[Erase.myself]

Thank you for your reply. I am going to be using the SN Method, so I'm going to need at least four hours to make sure I don't get found alive.