place of death?

[monsoon13]

all this time i've been very dead-set (lol) on simply CTB in my room, but i live with my mother and all i can imagine is the unnecessary pain i'd cause her making her deal with that... Truthfully, i dont know what else i can possibly do though. i don't have a car or even an id/license.. i barely have money, i don't have friends or anyone that can help me either. could hypothetically take a bus/train and find somewhere relatively secluded, die out in nature ... but i really do only want to stay in the comfort of my home. i feel selfish for thinking this when i know the harm it will cause but i have extreme anxiety even going outside ... going that far out to a potentially unfamiliar place just makes me nervous.

to add to this, my method will likely be 1,4B which can take a very long time to work from what ive seen, i have no clue how id ever avoid being found for that long. i just dont know what to do

 

[AllFoxedOut]

between the worry of my mum finding me and my anxiety over leaving the house, these things have been some top contributors to me not CTBing. so I understand

out of curiosity, what is the 1,4B method?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's not selfish at all to have the wish to ctb in a peacefuly and dignified way at home. It's fully understandable one wants to die in an environment they are living in. It will cause your mum the same pain whether you do it at home or somewhere else unfortunately. I see a problem of being discovered as you already mentioned that your method takes sveral hours probably this is not a method I would chose. It'd be horrible to be found and to wake up in a hospital to me. I hope you can find peace and I wish you all the best!

 

[AllFoxedOut]

It will cause your mum the same pain whether you do it at home or somewhere else unfortunately.

I respectfully disagree! especially some of the more violent or gruesome methods like hanging or self inflicted gunshot- I wouldn't be surprised if seeing these things gave first responders PTSD let alone loved ones.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I respectfully disagree! especially some of the more violent or gruesome methods like hanging or self inflicted gunshot- I wouldn't be surprised if seeing these things gave first responders PTSD let alone loved ones.

Yes your are right! But OP didn't mention anything about hanging or other cruel methods. I guess 1,4B = GHB/GBL, 1,4-butanediol. That will not make OPs body look horrible.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

Yes your are right! But OP didn't mention anything about hanging or other cruel methods. I guess 1,4B = GHB/GBL, 1,4-butanediol. That will not make OPs body look horrible.

no it wouldn't but it's still something I worry about even if my body doesn't look horrible. mum trying to wake me but realising I'm gone, realising it was by my own hand. I also wish to die in the safety of my own bed though so it's conflicting

 

[Praestat_Mori]

no it wouldn't but it's still something I worry about even if my body doesn't look horrible. mum trying to wake me but realising I'm gone, realising it was by my own hand. I also wish to die in the safety of my own bed though so it's conflicting

Yes I fully understand and respect your concerns and it's legit. Especially to mothers the death of their children regardless of their age is horrible and will cause them a lot of pain unfortunately. Really I'm a bit trapped in a similar situation and my mum who's still alive would not survive me CTB and that's what's keeping me back most.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that everyone has to die somewhere, someday, death is the most normal thing after all and one could never be selfish for wanting to escape from all future suffering in an existence that they were so cruelly forced to endure in the first place, we all have our right to die.

But I hate how we exist in this anti-suicide society where there's so much secrecy in planning to die, if people could be open about suicide and have their wishes respected then other people wouldn't be so shocked if they find someone who has ctb, suicide really shouldn't be so stigmatised and people should be able to leave this world in peace exactly where they want to without the risk of other people interfering. Anyway, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[MoonDog24]

The reality is that everyone has to die somewhere, someday, death is the most normal thing after all and one could never be selfish for wanting to escape from all future suffering in an existence that they were so cruelly forced to endure in the first place, we all have our right to die.

But I hate how we exist in this anti-suicide society where there's so much secrecy in planning to die, if people could be open about suicide and have their wishes respected then other people wouldn't be so shocked if they find someone who has ctb, suicide really shouldn't be so stigmatised and people should be able to leave this world in peace exactly where they want to without the risk of other people interfering. Anyway, I wish you the best with your plans.

If you like suicide so much how come you haven't done it yourself.

 

[Sweet Tart]

In the room where I'm staying at my stepdad's house, ideally while he and my mom are visiting family in another state. I won't say "my room" because my family makes it clear that this is not my home and I'm expected to leave by the end of the summer. I will be leaving one way or another and I don't care how they feel about finding my body.

As @FuneralCry indicated, death is a natural part of life. At some point, every single person in the world is going to be seen (by at least one person) while in a state of dying or decay. If my options are limited to dying in a gruesome way, I would possibly leave some kind of warning- a delayed email or note outside the door. The only one whose reaction I care about it my cat's, and I think she'll be okay, if initially freaked out.