We've been there. Sometimes, it all just seems a little too much. Take some deep breaths and try to refocus yourself. Think about some things in life over which you have some level of control. Engage in a peaceful activity that meets that criterion. It could be something as simple as listening to music. You're in charge of the playlist.
CTB is a very major decision. While the vast majority of us here are unwaveringly pro-choice, most of us tend to believe that decision should be made in moments of clarity. When emotions are running so high, we likely want to ctb more than ever to make the pain stop, or perhaps to ensure we never feel moments like this again. If you can get yourself to a moment of greater peace and clarity, and you feel okay with the fact that you didn't ctb, then you probably weren't ready. If you come to the opposite realization, it might be wise to start planning, so you have the resources and information you need to be effective and safe.