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watchingthewheels

Enlightened
Jan 23, 2021
1,415
That made me realize how much of my identity and self-worth was invested in my last job, and the dangers of such. Companies love to say "we're family, here", but that's rarely true. (Well, unless you count the phrase "nobody !@#$%'s you over like family.")
And when you've invested time and energy into a job, and done a good job, only to be let go anyway (as opposed to being fired for justifiable reasons), it's soul-crushing. Like YOU failed, and you beat yourself up. Instead of being objective, it's easy to internalize it as failing as a human being. (Especially because you're no longer a human "doing".)

[I have no problem with work in and of itself; it's a part of life. "TANSTAAFL": "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch." Not talking about taking pride in accomplishments and achievements. I am referring to employment for others, and the hoops one jumps through to prove themselves as a human being, the politics, the sucking up, the shame of making an error and such, etc. Not to mention the unhealthy competition of dealing with backstabbers, the lazy, the jealous, gaslighting, etc. People whose personal motives don't integrate with the rest. You know, a day that ends in "Y". ]

Under better circumstances, I'd have been an independent contractor or self-employed. (Ideally, a musician or artist, but I gave up on being a "starving artist" long ago.) There are certain advantages of being an employee, though, regarding the risks business owners take. I don't mind the trade-off, in principle, and I treat my work as if I am working for myself, because I am, in essence, as well as them. It doesn't have to be either-or, win-lose. I believe in win-win, setting each other up to succeed, not fail. Unfortunately, that's not always reciprocated. And I take things to heart where others just take a purely pragmatic approach.

"Grow up", right? It's part of life, that's how it is. I've always been too idealistic for that, and expect people to "say what they mean, and mean what they say". That's not always the case, though, especially in a Machiavellian-styled workplace. I think I could respect it more if a company just said outright that this is business, and NOT a "family", instead of the two-faced corporate HR-speak. It would go a long way towards keeping a boundary between work and emotions, and pride in a job-well-done and putting food on the table vs. trying to please and prove one's self worth to cut-throats who just want to use and discard.
 
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Painless_end

Painless_end

Life is too difficult for me
Oct 11, 2019
794
I also dislike corporate "family" doublespeak and everything.

For me though, the problem is really that I am not deeply interested in anything, including having a career. And at 32, it has cost me dearly. Even though I have worked some jobs, I have suffered because of my lack of self motivation and interest in general.

I gave up on something that I shouldn't have given up on. Now I am trapped in a very difficult position in life, being dependent on my parents.

I tried CTB a few times by methods like partial hanging but I could never do it.

Now I am deeply in trouble because the prospect of having to adult life beyond 30s as a completely miserable person is making me lose sleep.
 
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thisplaceisaprison

Student
Mar 20, 2019
151
I relate to this, I wish I had been more career oriented when I was younger and I'm 26 now. I just feel burnt out even at easy jobs like working in food or retail. I lost interest in going past 30 honestly I'm probably catching the bus by April.
 
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