Venting Physiologically, I'll never be able to get a good night's sleep ever again. How am I supposed to live like this?

[BlazingBob]

Like many of you, sleep used to be my sanctuary. Now I'm lucky to sleep in increments of 15 minutes to an hour. It's not as simple as taking a sleeping pill or some melatonin. It's a neurological movement disease that has no cure and gets worse age. My Dr who is one of the top specialists in the world told me it's something I'm just going to have to learn to live with. I'll always be exhausted. I can't work anymore and running out of money. Homelessness is looming. My life is truly over and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Sleep is right up there with eating in importance. It's so hard to wrap my head around this and a very tough pill to swallow. What I'm going through is torture. If I were an animal I would have been euthanized a long time ago but that's not possible because humans are sadistic little fuckers and love to see others suffer.

I'm going to be homeless. It's inevitable. People hate the homeless. US states are passing laws making it illegal. Being poor is a crime. But no matter how harsh and tyrannical things become, they just won't let us have a peaceful exit.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you are going through and the fact that people cannot just free themselves in peace proves that this world truly is hell. It disgusts me how suicide is purposely made so difficult despite the fact that there is no limit as to how much people can suffer in this existence, humans really are the worst species.

 

[haibane]

Its sound horrible im so sorry for what ure going through. I do have realy big insomnia problems too but not at all as much as u so i can just imagine how horrible it is. I genuinely hope u will find a way to live with that, or to die peacefully.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I wish you peace in whatever you choose. This world can be so needlessly cruel.

 

[absolutelyyou]

I'm so incredibly sorry you've just gotten this godawful diagnosis. While I'm not sure what your disorder is I'm closely familiar with at least the likely similar illness that is PLMD. A cousin of mine suffered greatly from it, she ended up passing from an unrelated illness she unfortunately was also suffering from but trucked through PLMD for years before before she passed. If I may offer some of the things she found to ease the symptoms though- she had her iron tested and found it was low (more common for women than men though) supplementing iron/eating more iron rich food lessened symptoms as well as taking a mix of gabapentin and clonazapam in the evenings. While it did not end the issue for her she went from getting 20 minutes of sleep at a time to getting 2-3 hours at a time and it made life more bearable for her in the long run. Your results may vary cause there are no 'cures' but there are various options out there you might want to try to at least take the edge off the symptoms. I wish so deeply for you that you can find some level of peace after this diagnosis, my heart absolutely breaks to see anyone dealing with such a debilitating issue.

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm so incredibly sorry you've just gotten this godawful diagnosis. While I'm not sure what your disorder is I'm closely familiar with at least the likely similar illness that is PLMD. A cousin of mine suffered greatly from it, she ended up passing from an unrelated illness she unfortunately was also suffering from but trucked through PLMD for years before before she passed. If I may offer some of the things she found to ease the symptoms though- she had her iron tested and found it was low (more common for women than men though) supplementing iron/eating more iron rich food lessened symptoms as well as taking a mix of gabapentin and clonazapam in the evenings. While it did not end the issue for her she went from getting 20 minutes of sleep at a time to getting 2-3 hours at a time and it made life more bearable for her in the long run. Your results may vary cause there are no 'cures' but there are various options out there you might want to try to at least take the edge off the symptoms. I wish so deeply for you that you can find some level of peace after this diagnosis, my heart absolutely breaks to see anyone dealing with such a debilitating issue.

Thank you. PLMD is actually one of the issues I'm dealing with in addition to severe RLS, among others. I'm currently on the highest dose of Lyrica, which is a souped up version of gabapentin. I'm also taking Ativan. My iron levels are good. For the RLS I take buprenorphine to quell the leg torture. Any time I relax day or night it feels like fire ants are crawling out of my muscles and bones. So any time I want to relax I have to take a medication that's 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine. Then there's the insomnia, the sleep apnea and the damn jock strap I have to wear over my face. Then there's the hypnic jerks. Oh and the severe treatment resistant depression, anxiety, and cptsd that were around decades before all this other crap appeared. I won't even get started on my shitty non existent family. Or the abusive situation I'm living in. I'm so screwed on so many levels. Some decent sleep sure would help but that's not happening unfortunately.