Phases to get to death

[Funeralprincess]

I feel I get less scared of death as time goes on. It's odd, because when you plan your suicide and are truly ready I feel like you go through this "healing" process, but not like a process of healing in the therapeutic sense… you go through the first part which is the emotions and sadness; then you go through the immense guilt and shame of leaving others behind that YOU care for but they don't necessarily care for you as much, then once you get past that you have your in depth anxiety about dying overall, and after you're over that you then start to lose empathy for everyone and everything…after you lose empathy you begin to cry less and become less emotional, and once that's done you learn to decrease your SI.. once that's over with it's like all you have to do is map your death date once you've secured your method. I've been through all of these phases and finally have reached the point of calm. I am calm now about dying and this is the point I needed to reach. It feels as if I'm "healed" from life and am ready to go through death if that makes sense. I realize all the other times I attempted I wasn't ever ready whereas now I am fully ready because I went through this metamorphosis almost. For the first time I've gone through all these phases while being suicidal and I think that's because I gave myself time to endure it all instead of rushing to just commit like I had in the past. I have more reasons to die now, have been a guinea pig to the disgusting mental health system, enduring treatments, and can finally say I know death is the answer for me. I needed to experience all of this to fully be ready to fly.

What are your thoughts? Do any of you feel as if you went through a cycle to be ready for death?

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Funeralprincess Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I couldn't agree more that developing an "Exit plan" definitely reduces one's anxiety, and I feel that that calming effect makes it much easier to accept (and in some cases embrace) death.

 

[Theanswer]

Good point. @Jrmull1993 - Do you have a finalized exit plan, if you don't mind what is it, and how has it helped you?

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Theanswer

I don't mind sharing at all. I've known I don't want to continue with life for quite awhile now. My plans started off rather impulsively, but after a news story broke about a woman who killed herself in a third world country so her grandson could have life saving surgery, with the proceeds from her life insurance policy I immediately knew I wanted my death to have a life altering impact on someone close to me.

That week I did endless research on life insurance policies, and 3 weeks later I was singing them and they were in effect.

In the particular state that I live in, life insurers are mandated to cover suicidal deaths after a policy has been in force for 2 years.

I have a few months left, but have come up with a plan where my best friend will be financially secure as a result of me going. I feel that by getting this policy I've gotten rid of SI... or at least we'll see.

I plan on exiting this world by drinking a large bottle of Aqueous Sodium Azide and immediately administering a self inflected GSW to my head.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never feared death at all personally, I've always found the thought of being dead to be comforting. Non existence is ideal as it's the absence of everything, as long as we live we can suffer to great extents, but the dead cannot. I have always envied those who die.

Death is not something that needs to be accepted for me, as our only purpose as humans is to die anyway. It's inevitable for us all and I see no point to enduring life when instead I could be peacefully not existing. I am at peace with my decision to leave this world, the only thing that holds me back is that suicide is difficult for me as I have limited access to methods personally. I do believe that for many people it can be a relief having a method by their side. They no longer feel trapped in this world. Best wishes.