D
Deleted member 25508
shooting star
- Jan 18, 2021
- 43
people are always like "it's not an excuse for your actions," or if i try to correct some mistake i've made, then i'm "playing the victim." there's literally no winning with some people. basically, they expect you to just not have a personality disorder.
with some people, a lot of "normal" people, ive noticed if you mess up, they literally want you to just carry the burden of having "hurt them" for the rest of your life. and im supposed to believe im the one with the huge ego?
i know by mainstream standards my logic is twisted but i dont think it is at all. if someone regrets doing something bad and tries to absolve that, and your solution is to spitefully make them sit there and dwell on how you'll never forgive them, then maybe youre the sadistic one.
i doubt this vent will be understood even in a place like this... people don't get it. i mess up, and i correct the mistakes. that's what i am. that's how i work. people seem to think the pain of that isn't real and i'm just being "narcissistic" for feeling awful about it. what do they expect?
im like this because it was drilled into my head by a thorough regimen of severe abuse for most of my life here on earth. but people really arent sympathetic. again, "you just sit around and feel sorry for yourself all day." yeah thats kinda how c-ptsd works.. thats what a personality disorder is. they corrupted me. it wasnt my fault.
if i do something wrong, i tend to feel bad about it later. is that really so abnormal? apparently to most people, it is. "you just sit around and dwell on your problems all day, you're soo narcissistic and manipulative." how is that manipulative? i don't get it. what theyre really saying is "the world would be a better place without you." because they dont understand or dont care how something like this happens. you were severely abused by your parents and now youre an abusive person yourself? i dont care, you "hurt" me. even if you feel bad about it and want to become a better person, they think you "dont deserve it" and should just carry the weight of upsetting them for the rest of your life.
i think if people were a little more kind, i mightve actually had a chance at developing some healthy personality traits. i think my personality disorder actually got way worse from people just spitting in my face and treating me like garbage because i have passive aggressive tendencies and talk openly about my depression and suicidal issues. "you always talk about your depression youre such an attention seeker, its literally so abusive ugh."
after years and years of that, i think i decided i would become more spiteful on purpose. if people wont bother to understand that i was made this way by an abusive upbringing, then i'll just become evil on purpose. people treat me like i already am anyway.
another thing is that people act all offended whenever i talk about my problems. like... am i just supposed to not care and not seek support? i try telling people i'm suicidal and i need help and i get this "you're so manipulative! ugh! its hurting me soo much that you say these things." like they make it all about them, and have the nerve to call me the narcissist? it doesnt make any sense, but if you try to call them out on it, you're "playing the victim" again. you cant win. its impossible
with some people, a lot of "normal" people, ive noticed if you mess up, they literally want you to just carry the burden of having "hurt them" for the rest of your life. and im supposed to believe im the one with the huge ego?
i know by mainstream standards my logic is twisted but i dont think it is at all. if someone regrets doing something bad and tries to absolve that, and your solution is to spitefully make them sit there and dwell on how you'll never forgive them, then maybe youre the sadistic one.
i doubt this vent will be understood even in a place like this... people don't get it. i mess up, and i correct the mistakes. that's what i am. that's how i work. people seem to think the pain of that isn't real and i'm just being "narcissistic" for feeling awful about it. what do they expect?
im like this because it was drilled into my head by a thorough regimen of severe abuse for most of my life here on earth. but people really arent sympathetic. again, "you just sit around and feel sorry for yourself all day." yeah thats kinda how c-ptsd works.. thats what a personality disorder is. they corrupted me. it wasnt my fault.
if i do something wrong, i tend to feel bad about it later. is that really so abnormal? apparently to most people, it is. "you just sit around and dwell on your problems all day, you're soo narcissistic and manipulative." how is that manipulative? i don't get it. what theyre really saying is "the world would be a better place without you." because they dont understand or dont care how something like this happens. you were severely abused by your parents and now youre an abusive person yourself? i dont care, you "hurt" me. even if you feel bad about it and want to become a better person, they think you "dont deserve it" and should just carry the weight of upsetting them for the rest of your life.
i think if people were a little more kind, i mightve actually had a chance at developing some healthy personality traits. i think my personality disorder actually got way worse from people just spitting in my face and treating me like garbage because i have passive aggressive tendencies and talk openly about my depression and suicidal issues. "you always talk about your depression youre such an attention seeker, its literally so abusive ugh."
after years and years of that, i think i decided i would become more spiteful on purpose. if people wont bother to understand that i was made this way by an abusive upbringing, then i'll just become evil on purpose. people treat me like i already am anyway.
another thing is that people act all offended whenever i talk about my problems. like... am i just supposed to not care and not seek support? i try telling people i'm suicidal and i need help and i get this "you're so manipulative! ugh! its hurting me soo much that you say these things." like they make it all about them, and have the nerve to call me the narcissist? it doesnt make any sense, but if you try to call them out on it, you're "playing the victim" again. you cant win. its impossible
Last edited: